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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask why ADHD and autism are dismissed as disabilities?

287 replies

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 16:12

There’s been a tonne of threads about benefits recently and there seems to be a recurring theme that ‘only the most severe disabilities should get any help’ and they almost always mention that people suffering with MH health issues, or ‘non issues’ like ADHD should be cut off from help. I’d like to know what those people in particular think adhd is, and why they don’t consider it to be a disability.

I am 44 years old, I have level 1 autism and ‘combined type’ adhd. I have worked since I left school at 16. I raised my eldest 3 children from my first marriage by myself, all 3 are diagnosed with varying degrees of neurodivergences (didn’t know that at the time)

I am now married to a wonderful man, and we have children together, they are also ND.

It is a challenge every single day to just make myself wash & brush my teeth. And I need to try and herd 2
other people with the same issues to do the same.

I am massively in debt, because the filter that everyone else seems to have that tell you, no don’t do it, just isn’t there.

I literally cannot sleep. I try. But my brain is almost always stuck in a loop of catastrophising, and is running a chorus of a song that I hate over and over and over and there’s nothing I can do about it. When I do sleep I’m still catastrophising and have incredibly vivid nightmares and wake up sad, anxious and depressed and I can’t shake off my dreams easily.

I go from 7 or so days of zero sleep, then pass out and am comatose for 48-72 hours approx.

I forget to eat, I forget to drink water. I don’t know that I need the bathroom until my bladder is literally about to burst.

I suffer from boredom so extreme that I’ve attempted suicide multiple times.

‘Masking’ takes everything that I have. By the time I get home after any social event (by event I mean anything that needs me to present as a ‘normal’ person, school drops offs, appointments etc) leave me gasping for breath, physically stimming to the point my muscles are crying out and I still can’t stop, endlessly ruminating over conversations I had to participate in against my will.

This is not a comprehensive list. I’ll remember this post for the rest of my life and there will always be things I should have added to it.

My body is perfectly fine. I’m not disabled in that way. But my brain, my bodies operating system, IS disabled. I’m so tired of hearing that adhd and lower levels of autism are not disabling. They absolutely fucking are. I manage the school run these days and that’s pretty much it. I haven’t been able to work for around 8 years now.

Go ahead. Tell me how you’d employ me.

OP posts:
Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:03

Perhaps she’ll read this and make sure she doesn’t have number 6 !

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:05

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:03

Perhaps she’ll read this and make sure she doesn’t have number 6 !

No, you are just being nasty. No need for it.
And you have no business in the reproductive choices of other people. None.

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:09

Perhaps someone struggling like her with two children will realise that having a third or fourth probably isn’t the best idea. Perhaps someone else can learn what not to do when they struggle to look after themselves.
Or should we never voice our opinion for fear of offending someone? If you want to tell everyone your story then you have to accept not everyone will agree with your choices.
Im sorry this lady has had such an incredibly difficult life . It sounds really difficult. It’s possible to be sympathetic yet pragmatic at the same time.

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:10

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:05

No, you are just being nasty. No need for it.
And you have no business in the reproductive choices of other people. None.

Edited

Of course I don’t . People can have as many children as they wish. I just hate that some children have to grow up at a huge disadvantage. Don’t you ?

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:11

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:09

Perhaps someone struggling like her with two children will realise that having a third or fourth probably isn’t the best idea. Perhaps someone else can learn what not to do when they struggle to look after themselves.
Or should we never voice our opinion for fear of offending someone? If you want to tell everyone your story then you have to accept not everyone will agree with your choices.
Im sorry this lady has had such an incredibly difficult life . It sounds really difficult. It’s possible to be sympathetic yet pragmatic at the same time.

Telling someone with 4 kids that they should not have 4 kids... just pointless and nasty.
But if she has more... well, it will not impact you at all.

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:13

But it will impact the children she already has? Are you so short sighted that you cannot see how our choices have consequences for all involved. It must be wonderful to live your life never having to consider how your decisions will affect your future.

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:15

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:13

But it will impact the children she already has? Are you so short sighted that you cannot see how our choices have consequences for all involved. It must be wonderful to live your life never having to consider how your decisions will affect your future.

Does it make you feel good to punch down?
What are you gaining by telling someone else that they should not have kids they already have...?
This is MUMSnet... lift other mums up.

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:26

Are we supposed to tell everyone they’re making super choices when they are telling us the opposite. You can’t make everything ok by telling someone that everything is ok! Some of us live in the real world. Night night! I have work tomorrow and it will take me at least an hour or more to go to sleep.

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:29

Crochetandtea · 25/06/2026 01:26

Are we supposed to tell everyone they’re making super choices when they are telling us the opposite. You can’t make everything ok by telling someone that everything is ok! Some of us live in the real world. Night night! I have work tomorrow and it will take me at least an hour or more to go to sleep.

No, I am saying you are achieving nothing but pure spite by telling someone that they should not have had the amount of kids that they already have.
What is your motive?

Firefly1987 · 25/06/2026 01:32

How come whenever people complain about not coping it's never that they can't have a relationship or kids (ie something they want) it's always something they don't want to do that they find hard.

There are people out there who could only dream of having a relationship and kids, never mind 5 of them. It won't be in the cards for them because their autism affects them that severely. That's who I feel bad for.

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:34

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:29

No, I am saying you are achieving nothing but pure spite by telling someone that they should not have had the amount of kids that they already have.
What is your motive?

You pop up on every thread supporting people’s right to claim benefits and not work. Working people have rights too.

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:36

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:34

You pop up on every thread supporting people’s right to claim benefits and not work. Working people have rights too.

This is nothing to do with working and claiming benefits. It is about ASD/ADHD.

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:41

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:36

This is nothing to do with working and claiming benefits. It is about ASD/ADHD.

It is if she is too ill to work but can look after 5 ND kids.

Firefly1987 · 25/06/2026 01:42

She's made her life far harder than it needed to be because people championed her desire to have multiple kids knowing she probably wouldn't cope and knowing they would very likely be on the spectrum too-possibly severely.

leave me gasping for breath, physically stimming to the point my muscles are crying out and I still can’t stop, endlessly ruminating over conversations I had to participate in against my will.

Why on earth would you have that many kids if this is the result of doing school drop offs?!

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:44

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:41

It is if she is too ill to work but can look after 5 ND kids.

Some people can work and are totally incapable of looking after kids.
And some people can't work but can look after their own kids.

She has been assessed by the DWP, and they will know about her kids. Her assessment and medical records are nothing to do with you. Stop making it your business. Plenty of other hobbies out there.

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:44

Firefly1987 · 25/06/2026 01:42

She's made her life far harder than it needed to be because people championed her desire to have multiple kids knowing she probably wouldn't cope and knowing they would very likely be on the spectrum too-possibly severely.

leave me gasping for breath, physically stimming to the point my muscles are crying out and I still can’t stop, endlessly ruminating over conversations I had to participate in against my will.

Why on earth would you have that many kids if this is the result of doing school drop offs?!

Her kids are here now, so what do you gain by this?

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:46

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:44

Some people can work and are totally incapable of looking after kids.
And some people can't work but can look after their own kids.

She has been assessed by the DWP, and they will know about her kids. Her assessment and medical records are nothing to do with you. Stop making it your business. Plenty of other hobbies out there.

Oh, it’s not my business but it’s yours to champion the rights of benefit claimants whatever the circumstances? I take it that you don’t work either?

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:47

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:46

Oh, it’s not my business but it’s yours to champion the rights of benefit claimants whatever the circumstances? I take it that you don’t work either?

I have not said anything about that on here at all, so I will be keeping your bun and not throwing it back.

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:49

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:47

I have not said anything about that on here at all, so I will be keeping your bun and not throwing it back.

That answers my question 🤷‍♀️

Firefly1987 · 25/06/2026 01:51

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:44

Her kids are here now, so what do you gain by this?

What does OP gain by complaining? I mean she'll have to just suck it up and get on with it won't she. Presumably she's already got all the support she requires, I don't know what she expects any of us to do when this is all down to her own choices. I couldn't cope with one kid never mind 5 so guess what I didn't have any.

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:52

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 01:49

That answers my question 🤷‍♀️

No it does not. But I will not engage you in a bunfight about benefits, and certainly not about me.

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 02:00

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 01:52

No it does not. But I will not engage you in a bunfight about benefits, and certainly not about me.

A bunfight aka people not agreeing with you

XenoBitch · 25/06/2026 02:04

Comeonenglandtonite · 25/06/2026 02:00

A bunfight aka people not agreeing with you

No, you are trying to drag into this thread my circumstances and benefits. I am not going to go there, and I am not sure why you are trying to.
You are not going to get a bite from me.

Goodnight.

HolyShoal · 25/06/2026 04:26

There are some seriously scary opinions on this thread; some utterly ableist and othera verging on eugenics....virtually referring to 'useless eaters'...

Mumsnet has become a very cruel amd nasty place of late...

Tunnocksmallow · 25/06/2026 05:51

HolyShoal · 25/06/2026 04:26

There are some seriously scary opinions on this thread; some utterly ableist and othera verging on eugenics....virtually referring to 'useless eaters'...

Mumsnet has become a very cruel amd nasty place of late...

This thread and actually this whole site lately, makes it so easy to see how the Nazis managed to build camps to wipe out people that they considered “other”
Disgusting.

A certain type of MN user will only be happy when the country is populated with zombie middle class, 6 figure salary, heteronormative, workaholic, fully able bodied, tiny body, fully right wing robots.