AIBU to stay in a hotel for a second night?

[Hoteljune226]

To stay in a hotel for a second night.

DH has been a total pain for months. Complains about the house being messy although he never helps to clean. We both work full time.

Never sees anything I do and picks the one thing I dont do. Eg on Saturday, took DC to buy their uniform, to collect their prescription (in a town 30 mins away), shopping, lunch. Got home and immediately put shopping away, cleaned kitchen, hoovered kitchen and mopped floor.
Got an ice pop and sat outside on paving to have it as was roasting after hoovering and mopping. He comes over and sees some stones on paving and goes mad that I sat down without brushing the paving first.

That type of thing regularly happens. I do so much but the minute I sit down, he'll pick on the one thing I didn't do.

He has an opinion about everything.

So yesterday, I got into my car and booked myself into a hotel. I booked 2 nights.
Youngest DC is very upset without me. Older DC let me know.

So far, he has got them locked out of the house, had to take the day off work to look after DC, broke their pool and had to buy them a replacement, had to go shopping (shock horror - food doesn't magically appear in the kitchen by itself).

DH is still being an arse telling me why choices I made are wrong. I want to stay out again but feel bad for younger DC.

Aibu to stay out for a second night.
He would not let me take DC with me - i would have if it was an option.

You come back on condition he moves out for ever. That way everyone's lives will be improved,

Do it!!! Explain to younger DC you’ll be back home tomorrow and get them a little treat!

well done on standing your ground hopefully it’s give him a good wake up call

You need to go home, your DH isn’t going to change his ways, no matter how long you’ve gone. Then you need to take steps to end your marriage. While you’re still living together, grey-rock him, do what you want to do, when you want to and do not do something because you know it’s what your DH wants or expects. Don’t engage with him when he moans and gives out to you, ignore him, walk away but do not engage at all. Also don’t do a single thing for him - no laundry, no tidying up after him, no buying anything in supermarket just for him because he likes it. No tidying away his plate, etc after a meal, no picking up after him. Nothing, do absolutely nothing for him.

Absolutely take another day. He clearly needs the practice and if he won’t step up when you are around, you have to absent yourself.

This, he won't change he is too hung up about "tidy" and you tidying to be any different, he doesn't care you are upset, probably thinks you are being "petulant".

How does he get to not let you take DC?

I think I'd be telling DC they were coming to stay with me, although not sure if that's good advice from a legal pov

Has he always been like this? If so, it's unreasonable you didn't leave him before having kids. If not, why has he got like this? Is it gradual? Is there any reason (not excuse) why he's like this now? If he's saying women started working decades ago, and still did all the home stuff so why shouldn't you, why was it he used to help?
I wouldn't leave my kids though. Maybe that's just me, but it's not the kids' fault.

It won’t solve anything long term, and sounds like your kids are finding the situation distressing, so no I wouldn’t stay another night at the hotel.
What I would do, however, is put plans in motion to leave this horrible man.

He's been a pain for months? In a way that he wasn't before?

This is what they do when they're having an affair - start making out like you're a terrible wife so they're justified.

What do you mean he wouldn't "let" you take DC? How would he stop you? Time to start putting your foot down.

My mum did something similar when I was a child. I can still remember the confusion and upset and fear of what was happening 30 years later. You’re not teaching your husband a lesson

You need to end your marriage. I would be telling him he either leaves today and you’ll come home.

Or you’ll be back to pick up your child so they are not left with him.

Tell him the only wrong decision you made is marrying him. What a twat.

He sounds awful and I wouldn't blame you for breaking up with him in the slightest.

Leaving your children confused and distressed by leaving out of the blue isn't on though. You are punishing them along with him.

What a prince. In your situation I think I would start getting my ducks in a row.

Good on you. If this hasn’t shocked him into reality, not sure what else you can do other than LTB permanently.

I'm sorry op I think you only stay away as long as you absolutely need to in order to shower your head and then you get back to your kids. I see why leaving him to it and hoping he sees your value and has a come to God moment is really tempting but its not good stability for your kids.

The other side to this is that you shouldn't need to do that in order for your husband to see your value. Any man who is that wilfully incompetent with his own family would be an absolute ick for me.

I think you go back if you feel mentally safe to do so and you start getting your ducks in a row to leave. As someone who grew up with a parent who sporadically left it is not a good or sustainable way to deal with these types of issues. He's not going to come to Jesus or have a light bulb moment because he knows exactly what you do, he's intentionally putting you down so you do more and he can put his feet up.

I agree with everything said here.

However, if you do need another night away to get your head straight and make future plans than take it ❤️

I was married to one of these.
I think you should go home for the sake of the children and also for your own sake- he sounds the type to lie to them about you.

And then get divorced. He won’t change.

You are a queen!

Go home and file for divorce. Don't leave your little one confused and upset.

Why 'wont he let you' …you are her mother. Go and get her and take her to the hotel?

Its not fair to make her suffer for his behaviour.

What will you do when you do go home? Another night won’t change him into a good husband.

I can see why you needed to get away, but personally I couldn’t leave my dc. They’d be coming with me and while I was away I’d be telling him to pack his bags. You need to go home and face the music, get rid of this tosser. You won’t relax knowing your kids are upset and probably bearing the brunt of his bad mood.

he "wouldn't let you" take the kids?? fuck that!

You need to go home
He sounds the type to lock you out and say you left , leaving him the main carer of the children