AIBU to stay in a hotel for a second night?

[Hoteljune226]

To stay in a hotel for a second night.

DH has been a total pain for months. Complains about the house being messy although he never helps to clean. We both work full time.

Never sees anything I do and picks the one thing I dont do. Eg on Saturday, took DC to buy their uniform, to collect their prescription (in a town 30 mins away), shopping, lunch. Got home and immediately put shopping away, cleaned kitchen, hoovered kitchen and mopped floor.
Got an ice pop and sat outside on paving to have it as was roasting after hoovering and mopping. He comes over and sees some stones on paving and goes mad that I sat down without brushing the paving first.

That type of thing regularly happens. I do so much but the minute I sit down, he'll pick on the one thing I didn't do.

He has an opinion about everything.

So yesterday, I got into my car and booked myself into a hotel. I booked 2 nights.
Youngest DC is very upset without me. Older DC let me know.

So far, he has got them locked out of the house, had to take the day off work to look after DC, broke their pool and had to buy them a replacement, had to go shopping (shock horror - food doesn't magically appear in the kitchen by itself).

DH is still being an arse telling me why choices I made are wrong. I want to stay out again but feel bad for younger DC.

Aibu to stay out for a second night.
He would not let me take DC with me - i would have if it was an option.

Just saying, the children are with their other parent. Also, women are allowed some autonomy even when they have children.

I hate how so many posters start berating women and blocking their autonomy as soon as a child is involved.

Stay another night. Especially if the hotel has air conditioning.

If you feel like you need another night to get your thoughts and plans together then I would take it. The kids are safe with their father, and while he is a dick I haven't read anything here that would make me concerned for their immediate safety. Yes the youngest may be a little upset, but that in itself is a red flag. My kids always loved a mummy or a daddy night when one or the other of us was out. But then for all my dh's faults he was always an excellent father who loved and cared for the dc.

I agree with pp's too, you really should reconsider this marriage. You deserve so much more.

Ummmmm. He's an arse. Leave him

No don’t stay another night. Save your money for your solicitor.
go home. Comfort your children. Tell husband you are getting divorced. Go to your solicitor asap.
he’s never going to change. Staying another night at a hotel won’t change that. Save yourself and your children from his abuse.

Yes this, but take the extra night to plan.

The kids are upset without her and their dad is a dick. Obviously she’s allowed some autonomy but her kids also shouldn’t have to suffer. Two nights in a hotel isn’t going to magically fix everything.

You need to end this marriage. He is abusive and isn’t going to change. Not letting you sit down in peace ever is abusive.

He sees you as an appliance to be worked to the limit of its capability not a person who is as real and as in need of rest and peace of mind as he is.

Take the kids whilst he’s at work and start divorce proceedings would be my advice. Or if you can’t, when you go back seek legal advice as to how you can get things moving asap.

I wouldn’t just stay away long term my yourself as it would give him grounds to say he’s the primary care and/ or you left the kids.

This. I don’t disagree that your H is a dick. But kids don’t understand that. Ordinarily I’d say crack on and enjoy your free time but seeing as your DC have already expressed they’re upset, I think it’s only right you go back for them. Then tell your H to fuck right off.

I would go straight home to my kids and reassure them that I wasn't leaving them with him, it sounds like the little one is upset. Then I'd pack his bags!

Hi op I get your annoyed with dh but leaving the kids would piss me off too. People who walk out to cool off is one thing but overnight you need to stand up to this prick tell him if he doesn’t like it there’s the door. Kids become unsettled when parents disappear without explanation if you explained and your dh was available then that’s fine but you need to talk to him tell him he can clean up there is no reason for his attitude he’s a total control freak. Why should you have to go away tell him to fuck off do it himself also I would definitely be doing less to piss him off even more.

How can he not let you take the kids? If you left while he was out - what could he do?

Stop using the word ‘help’ reframe it. He’s not helping. You are not the default.