AIBU to find it odd I’ve never met my friend’s partner?

[MintChocCat]

Do you think it’s strange that I haven’t met my friend’s partner?

Context - been friends with this person for 6 years, would consider them close, met through work, been away on holiday with them etc. They met their new partner a year and a half ago and moved in together after 6 months. About 4 months ago they moved again into a house and she told me she’s pregnant.

I’m obvs happy for her even though I think it’s a bit soon, but what I’m finding stranger is I have never even met her partner. We’ve never been introduced. Do you find that weird too, or am I overthinking? Thanks

Maybe send a message saying you’d love to catch up soon and ask what would work better for her. You going to her, her coming to you or meeting up somewhere half way. Then you could always ask if she just wants it to be the two of you or if she’d like partners to come along.

Moving house is obv vastly different to buying a new oven, come on now.

I don't think it's strange. I like to keep friends and relationships separate sometimes.

Absolutely rubbish. There are such things as phones, video calls etc etc. 2 hours away is nothing.

Exactly

I can’t think of any work friends whose partners I’ve met, except one who once hosted our work Christmas do at her house (she has a big house and lives nearby). I met her partner then, but that was the only time.

Not strange at all.
They are different relationships.
She has her relationship with him..and a different one with you.

Oh, it's a relief to hear it! I thought I was pissing on some cherished tradition! It just never occurred to me that anyone would have the remotest interest in a completely standard 1970s house that many of the people expressing bafflement that I wasn't 'giving them the tour' also lived in. (Also, I'd known them for a couple of months at this point.) We knew we wouldn't be staying more than a few years so while we repainted, laid new flooriing and made it comfortable with bookshelves etc, we hadn't done anything radical.

I had no idea someone would be interested in our bathroom tiles. Or that two people would claim to be dying to go to the loo simultaneously so that one could get a peep at upstairs by saying she couldn't wait for the other to be finished in the downstairs loo!

She's pregnant, not seriously ill! I commuted between countries weekly until I was 36 weeks and couldn't fly any more!

I have friends who haven't met my partner of nearly 20 years, it just isn't a priority. I am my own person and my friendship is with them so I have never gone out of my way to introduce them. Obviously if there is an event like a wedding, birthday etc then they might meet him but otherwise no.
I aso couldn't care less about meeting a friend's partner unless the friend was keen.

@MintChocCat

I haven't met my best / oldest friends partner and they are together nearly three years. We are friends 40 years. We live 3km from each other and I meet her once a week for breakfast and go for walks when we both have time.

I have met her previous partners but not this one. There have been some half hearted attempts on both sides to meet up but hasn't happened yet.

Thank you for sharing. I have found this thread eye opening 😊 it was just something I wondered. Growing up, my parents would often socialise with their friends and their partners so that’s been very normalised to me.

Looks like we’re the only ones 😆 unless you’ve moved into something unusual like a castle, your house looks just the same as everyone else’s, trust me 😆 It’s definitely more a thing today than 25/30 years ago. I have a friend who moves every 3 or 4 years and invites us round and each house looks exactly like the last one they bought 🤣

But it’s not just about your 1970 red brick, it’s a tradition and marking of a new chapter for you. I personally like it. Fair enough if you don’t.

Not meeting friends is a big red flag to me. I never met a single one if my exes friends though he met all of mine. Introducing me to his friends was one of the first things my husband did.

I wouldn't think it strange, me and one of my friends didn't meet each others husbandsnuntil nearly 4 years into the friendship. Even then it wasn't a planned meet it was more we bumped into each other one day.

Why do you need to meet them?

I said YANBU but came back to see she lives 2hrs away. So no i dont think its odd and YABU.

You could invite them both to stay at yours or for a BBQ if youre interested

I've never met one of my friends partners and we've been friends for nearly 20 years.

It's fine, when we see each other we just like to catch up. He'd be bored to tears with all the girltalk. They do socialise as a couple but I rarely see her, so we like it being just us. We do have passive aggressive arguments over the telephone though if he thinks she's been on it too long.

She says "he's standing over me..." in an amused voice and I get the giggles and say I'd better go.

Have you asked to meet him?

Think I’m going to go against the flow here and agree with you OP that it is a little strange, though will offer a perspective I was given, being in a similar situation.

Very close friend of mine (she was one of my bridesmaids, met my baby at a couple of days old etc), friends for over 10 years, met her other partners but she has now been with someone for nearly 2 years, moved in together and she is now pregnant, I have met him once, very briefly, almost in passing! We’ve invited him to meet ups but he is often busy (or “busy”, not sure…).

I was chatting about it to a friend who is a lot older about how I found it very strange that I don’t know her partner at all and now she’s living with him and having a baby with him. She said to me, is it strange you haven’t met him or is it strange that she’s having these big life changes with someone you don’t know, so it feels weird because of that and not necessarily because you feel you should know him. I thought it was an interesting point.

Anyway, just my 2ps worth but reading the other replies, would seem I’m in the minority!

Come to think of it, my DPs and my PILs social circle was made up mainly of couples, and that included work colleagues who became friends. I hadn't considered this before.

I've got 4 close friends. One of them, I've never met her husband. The situation has never arisen, and none of us socialise as couples. Two of them, I've met their husbands 'in passing' if I've been round at their houses and he's been in.
One of them, I see her husband very frequently as we share an interest and I would consider him as a friend too.

Are you keen to meet him, Op? Why not just pick a date in the near future and ask if you can come over for a visit?

No, it was just people I’d only just met being nosy because they knew what DH did and thought we were rich, so wondered why I cycled everywhere and the house wasn’t an interior-designed grey fest with a hot tub.

that she’s having these big life changes with someone you don’t know, so it feels weird because of that and not necessarily because you feel you should know him.

yes it is absolutely this!

Not really odd. I have a friend from a job I left nearly 6 years ago, she left a year before me. I’ve never met her DH and vice versa. We meet for lunch every 2-3 months (although I think our husbands would get on but seems weird to introduce them at this stage).
I often only see friends’ husbands if there’s a party or gathering unless we are ‘couple friends’ she would meet up anyway.