Unsure what to do about this situation involving friend, child & her ex?

[hotbooo]

I have posted about this before but have NC.

So my friend has a 2 year old daughter with her ex, they split up when their child was few weeks old.

The father has the child EOW after a court order.

My friend has moved on and has been seeing a guy since beginning of March and it was on/off for a bit but now he has practically moved into her house and it's a proper relationship now.

They get drunk most nights when DC has gone to bed.

But the issue is at handover on Sunday my friend arrived with her new boyfriend drunk.
He had driven her to the collection/drop off point as she was drunk.

This didn't sit well with her ex as he felt as if she was using her new man to cause some kind of reaction/fight and was extremely worried that she was drunk.

Her ex messaged me fuming and has said he is going file for full custody. I have already discussed out mutual concerns with him as she does seem to be going of the rails.

As soon as they picked up her daughter, her daughter was given to her mum who then dropped her of Monday morning to nursery.

The mum has also picked the child up from nursery today and will have her until she goes to nursery tomorrow so they can have some "us time".

I am quite appalled by all this, she didn't see her child for over 3 days and again today the poor child has been shipped of to her nan's so her and her new man can get drunk etc.

I addressed these concerns with my friend who brushed them off and said it was "all cool" but she is defo putting this new guy first.

Her daughter often looks as if she hadn't been bathed and just generally looks unkempt.

I really feel as if she has completely lost interest on her daughter as all she ever talks about is her new man.

Anyway her ex wants me to help him get custody.

I just want what's best for the child at this point.
Her ex and his family would love to have her full time.

I just want some advice really as unsure how to proceed.

I’d stay out of it.

Help him, because that child will suffer otherwise.

As recent news has demonstrated once again, ‘staining out of it’ is a terrible idea when it comes to safeguarding children.

I presume she isn’t really your friend, and in fact you are very close to her ex?

None of this is any of your business and I’d stay out of it. If the ex is capable of looking after a child full time, he must be capable of getting a Child Arrangement Order. He doesn’t need your help.

The child has a father present in their life. It’s not like nobody is taking care of the child.

Are you sure you're her friend and not the ex's girlfriend?

Well shes not your friend is she so why lie about that seems odd

The father who only sees her every other weekend and was irresponsible enough to hand the child over to his drunk ex? He doesn’t sound particularly capable of safeguarding this child.

The child is mostly with her father or grandmother though.

If he has a case, he will get custody; if he doesn’t, OP will be seen as malicious.

He can go after custody without your help. He should. You don’t need to help him.

Yes she is my friend, I have previously helped her out in the past with babysitting last minute for her so she could see her new man.

Why would I lie about being her friend??

Even her mum has concerns about this.

Her ex had to hand the child over as there is a court order in place.
The child was then given to her mother as she was too drunk.

WOW! Some pretty nasty comments on here tonight. I remember you posting before OP, and I definitely think you should do anything you can to support the father of your so called 'friend's' daughter, in his attempt to get custody of his chiid. I would imagine the only thing that you can actually do, is to continue to feed back what you see and hear in respect of the mother and child, and then it's up to the father to apply for custody. I hope that your friend's Mum is also keeping a close eye on the situation, as it sounds like the poor little mite is in danger of coming to harm due to her mother and her new man's frequent drinking. It's good to know that this little one has people looking out for her, so ignore those telling you to keep out of it OP, as we so often see in the news, it's all to easy to think a child may be in danger, but not actually do anything about it, which has led to some horrendous outcomes.

What is he wanting you to do?

Can you be more specific about the type of help he is asking for? Eg do you have a family law background?

There isn't anything for you to do. The dad has PR. He wants custody. He applies to the court telling them his concerns and the professionals investigate. You're best staying out of it.

Hi
Me and her mum had hoped when it ended the last time after 6 weeks that it would be the end of it as when he was off the scene she was back to her usual self.

He is the one who encourages the drinking.

The whole story involving them 2 sadistic creatures who have been on the news just make me feel really worried for this child.

Her mum has told me she will babysit when she can as she too is concerned about the drinking but knows my friend is stubborn and won't listen to her.

They put the child to sleep and then just get drunk all night.

On Sunday she phoned me asking if I could have her daughter as she was too drunk etc, I was busy so I couldn't help.

The next day her ex had messaged me his concerns about how he believes she is also doing drugs again etc and who the hell was this new guy around his child et.

Apparently he wants me to basically vouch for him and what's happening with the drinking etc.
I have no idea who he wants me to say this too. I am pretty clueless when it comes to family law.

You can't help your friend OP but you can help this child. Say yes to the ex and he'll be on touch about who you need to speak to - like social services or even in court. But it's the right thing to do.

Is this the same one whose boyfriend beat her up

If not reported already, a report should be made to social services in relation to the child being put to bed at night and mother and partner getting drunk. Also possible neglect rearding child being unbathed and unkempt.

Childs father should make an urgent application to the court asking for an court hearing as he believes the child is at risk of significant harm in mothers care due to alcohol abuse etc. He should make reference to partner driving mum and child to drop off point under the influence and mum being drunk too. The court will likely direct a S7/s37 report. I assume he has PR so there is nothing to prevent him exercising his PR and keeping child in his custody on the basis that child is not safe in mothers care, pending a court hearing. Yes, it breaches the current court order, but he takes the matter back to court explaining the order has been breached as otherwise child would be at risk of harm had he returned them to the mothers care.

A report could also be made to the police to do a welfare check on the child (at night) and due to childs age they may exercise their powers of protection and remove the child (usually child is taken to other parent, family member or urgent foster care) pending court hearing.

This child is 2 years old and very vulnerable and their safety and welfare should be everyones concern.

She's such an idiot, she's going to lose her child and end up regretting her fling with this utter loser.

Stay out of it the bui dad seems on the ball a d seems prepared to do what needs to be done. Your job is to encourage your friend to start Making better choices a d encourage her to get back on the right track and turn her life back around rather than isolate her further by going to the other side . What's her mum's position in all this x

He needs to make a ss referral then seek legal advice . Ss will deem what the risk factors or issues are and will hopefully give her the kick up the arse she needs to put her daughter 1st .

I have done my best to support her but she is very stubborn and gets agitated very quickly when someone says something.

Her mum is concerned about how often he stays over and how she see'a him going back and forth on the ring door bell app with alcohol all the time.

She says she gets fed up of her child's tantrums and demands and I can totally relate to how she feels as one of my DC who is similar age is such hard work, as with most toddlers, it is relentless and brutal.

But she gets EOW to herself and now also 1.5 days in the week when her daughters at nursery and her mum will collect her and have her until the next day.

She has just told me that one of her neighbours has reported her to her HA for playing loud music and is scared she will lose her tenancy over this.
Can this go against her if SS get involved?

If you genuinely think that the child is better off with the father then from now you need to start looking all the instances that happen and start collecting up all the evidence such as messages any voice recordings or video recordings which demonstrate that she is unfit.
Then, he just needs to do the C100 form - He doesn’t need your help for this ChatGPT can help and his brain. I understand why he might have let the child Go go to the Mum even though she was drunk - That could very well have led to an altercation with the new partner. I think whatever is best for the child despite the impact on your friend is key.