AIBU in thinking you can fall in love with someone you’ve met online?

[JosieMay1970]

Been talking to a man online for a while, around 6 weeks, now I have intense emotions towards him, he messages me all the time, we send photos to each other throughout the day, our dinner, at work etc and today I realised I care for him and the thought of him not being in my life hurts me.

do you think even though we haven’t met, I could actually be in love with him?

Nope!

It's not love, no. Have you not met?

6 weeks isn’t even a long time to know someone in person, I just think when you’re messaging only, you have the ability to only show the parts of someone you’d want them to see about you (a bit like Instagram or Facebook) also you have time to structure exactly what you’ll say. It’s not exactly going to show all sides of a person or who they really are.

Limerance. Total fantasy. He’s a stranger. Online dating advice is to meet before chatting loads.

Infatuation/limerence

But he isn't in your life. He's on your phone. Why not meet?

Not actual love, no. But connection/infatuation/excitement at the potential, yes.

No because he can just say absolutely anything, it’s all very low effort.

No. I’ve been there. There may well be a reason why they’re not meeting you. Why haven’t you arranged to meet them yet?

Just a reminder than men in particular online are usually one stage further married than they admit.

Offer to meet for a coffee in a public place.

An atttaction is totally different to love. He may be physically attractive and seem to have a great personality, yes. But you are seeing a 2D version of him. He could have horrific BO and bad breath. He could chew disgustingly loudly. You’re seeing his personality in short bursts. Remember that it’s easier to think and consider phrasing when writing; it’s also easier to come across well on a video call than it is face to face. So much communication is removed from the equation. You need to at least have numerous hours of in-person meetings.

Dude, I've had yogurts in my fridge longer than 6 weeks!

YABU!

You’re not in love with him.

You’re in love with the fantasy you’ve made up about him based on the limited and possibly completely unrealistic version of himself he has created online.

Of course, you might be in love with him, ie in love with his mind. "In love" is hailed as some special magical thing, but it's really just describing meeting someone who is a key to experiencing thosw kinds of feelings, whether online or in person.

But since you havent met yet, you don't know if you'll stay in love after you meet - maybe you won't have the sexual chemistry / he'll be different to how you imagined in real life/ etc.

My partner and I met online and were chatting every day for a few weeks before we met - I didn't feel in love with him yet but it did feel like a very special connection, and turned out it was! But I've also known people who had amazing chemistry online but once they met in person it was a disaster. I don't think you can know if it will last until you meet in person

For all you know he could be AI that is being trained on human emotions and how to manipulate them.

Until you meet in person you have no idea if there is anything in it.

As to love - really??

Not on your belly

This.

You have no idea what a person is like before you start spending time with them.

You have no idea how much is based in truth and how much is complete fantasy.

Why haven't you met in person ?

He lives 10 hours away

Why haven't you met? You also say you send photos but not that you've video called? If he can't meet you now, there is not much chance of being able to have a real life relationship. If he needs money to come and see you .... run a mile.

No

No, until you meet someone in person you don’t know them at all, let alone love them - have you even spoken to him or face timed him?

If you’ve only seen photos he might not even be who he says he is.

Were you actually born in 1970? If so, you're old enough to know better, of course you're not in love with this guy. He could be anyone!

Have you even face timed with him?

Of course you can. I know of a few married couples who met online. Not dating apps, but in the old chat rooms and gaming (so we are going back a bit here).

10 hours flying or driving time?

In my experience, you absolutely have to meet someone in person to know if you're attracted to them, never mind whether you will love them. Online or phone chemistry doesn't mean you'll experience chemistry in person. I learnt this the hard way!