AIBU to stop neighbour children destroying my son's toys and things?

[Hotandannoyed]

Hi everyone! I need to have some perspective if this is normal or I’m in fact not normal?
My son is 5. Last week he made friends/ started to hang out with neighbours kids, they are brothers 9 and 5. At first I was welcoming because they seemed quite nice and because my DS is an only child the thought of him having some company seemed nice but now I’m not so sure.
The eldest one at first seemed nice and polite. Before he entered to house he took of his shoes, if he wanted to ask something he said “ excuse me”, etc. They been hanging out almost every day either outside our back door or just generally outside ( we live on a quiet cul de sac). I was welcoming them to play with any DS toys as long as they are respectful but the last days they are proper pissing me off I’m sorry!
So in the last days the oldest one has:
• broke DS plastic cup outside deliberately. They were having a water fight and he just threw it on the ground on purpose
• Destroyed DS crayons in the water
• poured out the bubbles and smashed the tube
• wanted to take the Jenga. I said sure, insted of playing/building something he taped all the pieces together and threw them in the water making a “boat”
• without asking went to the kitchen and started pumping liquid for dishes into the cup. Got about 10 full pumps before I realised what he’s doing.
Im sure there’s more but that was on the top of my head!

Is this normal? Is this what 9 year old kids do? Just destroy everything? I don’t have any experience because DS is an only child but fck me!
First I was happy that he has made some friends, especially the youngest brother also being 5 but now I’m just pissed off seeing them?
Am I overreacting? Should I just chill and let DS have some fun?

I wouldn't be chilling in this situation. I'm sure folks have different tolerance levels, but I couldn't stand this, and would put an end to the nine-year old coming around all the time. Maybe just the five year old?

He sounds like he was playing exuberantly rather than being destructive on purpose?
Maybe either supervise/intervene a bit more or put out indestructable toys only?

(I'd be frustrated/annoyed too.)

A 9 year old should be perfectly capable of playing with other children's things carefully and respectfully. I'd nip the visits in the bud. Has the neighbour offered to have your DC over or are they just happy to be getting free childcare at yours?

He's 9 - he's perfectly capable of understanding what acceptable behaviour is. Just speak to him firmly and say that if he wants to still come round, then he needs to treat your things with respect and that we don't waste things or break them deliberately. Otherwise he can stay at home.
The Jenga thing sounds like being inventive so I wouldn't be worried about that. I'd be annoyed about deliberately breaking stuff (if he didn't apologise I would think it deliberate) and wasting stuff (unless he was using the washing up liquid to make a potion or something).

This does sound similar to my son when he was that age BUT only in his own house with his own toys. I wouldn't tolerate him acting like this in someone else's house, or someone else acting like that in my house

Perhaps supervise their playtime?

My DS was boisterous at this age, but he definitely knew not to break his friend's toys.

No, I would've put up with this either. Explain clearly and firmly that what he is doing is damaging the toys, this is wrong and he must stop doing it or stop coming round.

Ask him 'Are you allowed to behave like this at home?' If he says yes, then you have different rules and send him back to break his own things, if he says no, then he must change his behaviour.

It does sound odd though, maybe his parents are either very strict or very hands off.

This.

Nip it in the bud. It’s not your job to parent him and I’ve had enough experience with neighbourhood kids like that - it’s better to just not invite them into the house and don’t bring out any special toys if they’re playing together in the garden etc!

I wouldn't be having the 9 year old over again and I'd be having a few doubts about the five year old as well. He might well mature into a child who is equally as destructive as his older brother. I was an only child and I wouldn't have wanted this brattish sort of company as a child. I looked after my toys and so did my sons. My mother would have given these children short shrift concluding they had been raised without proper standards.

They are being supervised all the time. DS don’t have any breakable or expensive toys but I just expect them to play in a “normal way”
Wanna take the crayons? Fine but why you need to destroy them instead of drawing?
Take the bubbles? Fine but don’t pour everything out and then smash it under your feet.
The kids mother has another child, who’s about year and a half, two years old and I’ve seen the both kids hanging around the street before they started to come over to my DS so I guess the mother doesn’t care that much where they go.
Even my DS was upset that his friends destroyed his crayons.

Edited cos i reread it properly second time. Sorry.

You need to tell them off and not let them round again.

They got told off immediately as soon as I saw them doing things.

Has he got SEN/learning disabilities? This is not normal behaviour 9 year olds. My 9 yo son & friends can be energetic/boisterous but this sounds like unchecked toddler behaviour.

Time to start sending them away if something is deliberately broken.

"That wasn't very nice X, you can go home now and maybe we can have you over to play again soon if you play nicely and don't break things."

I'd stop him from coming over if it continues.

Have you spoken to the parents? I wouldn’t have him over anymore personally.

This. Don't be so accommodating.

Silly question but have you had a polite conversation with this child? I know that no one on MN likes to address issues directly. Explained why it's rude and harmful to destroy other people's property? That you will ask his parents to pay for any further damage.

You can talk to 9 year olds normally. The key is to just be calm and polite. No telling off, no anger. Just explain. If nothing improves, don't have them over.

I wouldn’t want my children round someone as judgmental as you. Raised without proper standards? They are children just learning the boundaries. To not even give the five year old a chance! Fucking hell.

You need to supervise them better. A lot of this could have been thwarted had you intervened sooner. I imagine it takes some time to tape up jenga blocks to make a boat!
You would be reasonable not to want to have to supervise so closely a nine year who sounds like he needs eyes on the back of the head however! The neighbour shouldn’t be using you as childcare. It’s fine to limit how often they come over and say ‘not today, we’re busy’ sometimes.

There's a type of child who does deliberately break and spoil other children's toys. We had one of these visiting and sometimes I'd just find the wreckage, other times I actually caught her at it (literally jumping on lego and playmobil to break it). This girl came from an affluent home - more affluent than us - it wasn't jealousy or deprivation - it was a power play. She had a 'nice as pie' image with most parents and knew exactly what she was doing.

I'd take a really hard line and tell this child off. If he doesn't like it, tough. And tell the parent.

Totally abnormal behaviour for a 9 year old. I would not be letting this kid into my house again. Let them play outside together in the street and without your son's toys but watch like a hawk that the destructive behaviour doesn't start to influence your boy.

My daughter is ASD /ADHD and is really destructive at 8 .it's the reason he play dates happen at our home and why I dont allow her the opportunity to go go to other ppl s homes unless supervised by me .

This. Sounds like you're more specific about purposes for different toys. Some parents are very relaxed. It would have annoyed me too. It sounds to me like he’s otherwise a nice little boy and they are having fun so I would maybe limit the use of toys with guests and have things which can be used in different ways aren’t aren’t so easy to damage. He actually sounds very creative in his play but could be provided with some gentle boundaries.