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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not keen on overnight pet stays - unreasonable or not?

45 replies

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 10:54

My brother-in-law has a new lady friend and they want to introduce their dogs (don’t ask!). She lives in our city, he lives about 200 miles away. He asked if he and the dog could stay with us for the weekend. We’ve had pets ourselves but are now pet free. We don’t mind people visiting with their pets, but don’t want overnight stays because the house isn’t pet proof, there’s stuff around everywhere that a dog could get into, and we’d have to worry about leaving doors open. My OH told this to BiL and he’s not happy, obviously. Our city has plenty of dog friendly hotels that he could use, and that would actually be more convenient because we live in the suburbs. Are we being unreasonable about this?

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 21/06/2026 10:57

Your house your rules! As you say there are plenty of pet friendly hotels and could BIL start using your house as a regular stop off if visiting his lady friend with his dog if you allow it once?

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 10:57

Your home, your rules.

Who cares what the BiL thinks. It's a dog, not a child.

PinkNBlueBunnies · 21/06/2026 10:58

Definitely not unreasonable!

DaisyChain505 · 21/06/2026 11:00

Your house your rules however I can understand the confusion because you allow dogs in to visit.
Usually it’s either dogs allowed or they’re not. Is there really that much difference between the dog visiting for a few hours or staying over night?
As long as BIL is clear that he is to be with the dog at all times and he brings his crate to sleep in or if he sleeps on the bed just wash the sheets immediately in the morning I’d allow it.
But again, your house your rules.

Cockerpoomom · 21/06/2026 11:01

And what happens if the dogs fail to get on?
Will he expect you to have the dog whilst he sees his lady friend every time he's down?

Nip it in the bud now before you get too roped in.

Duvetdayforme · 21/06/2026 11:01

So BiIL is unhappy. Boo hoo!

Gardenisablooming · 21/06/2026 11:03

2 ddogs unknown to each other? And to you and your home? Recipe for disaster imo. He's an idiot for even asking.

Silverbirchleaf · 21/06/2026 11:05

Not unreasonable at all, from a dog owner.

Yetone · 21/06/2026 11:11

No not unreasonable. I just have a no pets rule.

AutumnLover1990 · 21/06/2026 11:12

I see both sides. Do you travel to them equally? If it's always them having to travel to you,I don't see why they should also have to fork out for a dog-sitter too.

Yetone · 21/06/2026 11:14

I expect BIL wanted to leave to the dog with you for some of the time he is with his girlfriend.

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:14

Cockerpoomom · 21/06/2026 11:01

And what happens if the dogs fail to get on?
Will he expect you to have the dog whilst he sees his lady friend every time he's down?

Nip it in the bud now before you get too roped in.

Who are the dogs failing to get on with?

O/p your house, you aren’t a free pet sitter.

i would, because I love dogs but can’t have one full time. But if you don’t, say no.

BudgetBuster · 21/06/2026 11:15

AutumnLover1990 · 21/06/2026 11:12

I see both sides. Do you travel to them equally? If it's always them having to travel to you,I don't see why they should also have to fork out for a dog-sitter too.

Edited

He isn't travelling to see the OP... He's trying to use her as a stopgate for the dog while he sees his new girlfriend?

palanoma · 21/06/2026 11:17

Stick to your guns, you are now pet free and the house is not pet proof at all.

I'd have them over during the day + dog, but definitely not overnight. They can stay in a hotel. I'd actually be more comfortable with them staying elsewhere given it's the first time to meet this ladyfriend anyway. Awks if she is the guest from hell. You never know.

EDIT I see ladyfriend actually lives in the same city as you, WTF, why not stay at hers? What's the reason for staying at yours? Mad, that would make me more inclined to refuse to have them + dog to stay.

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:19

I’m a bit lost.

when you say “introduce the dogs” do you mean introduce to you? Or does bil and the gf have a dog each and they want to introduce them to each other?

is the bil staying with you or with his gf? Does he want to leave his dog with you while he stays with gf? Or bring both his and gf’s dog to stay with you?

is it a bit of a stop gap until the dogs know each other? Or more of a dump the dogs while he shags the gf thing?

Cockerpoomom · 21/06/2026 11:22

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:14

Who are the dogs failing to get on with?

O/p your house, you aren’t a free pet sitter.

i would, because I love dogs but can’t have one full time. But if you don’t, say no.

Show quote history

The post says they want to "introduce their dogs"??? So obviously the dogs failing to get on with each other!

palanoma · 21/06/2026 11:23

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:19

I’m a bit lost.

when you say “introduce the dogs” do you mean introduce to you? Or does bil and the gf have a dog each and they want to introduce them to each other?

is the bil staying with you or with his gf? Does he want to leave his dog with you while he stays with gf? Or bring both his and gf’s dog to stay with you?

is it a bit of a stop gap until the dogs know each other? Or more of a dump the dogs while he shags the gf thing?

I'm confused too.

Looks to me like brother has a dog, he lives 200 miles from GF who lives in same city as OP. DB wants to stay with OP + dog. That means he can pop over to GF for happy times without dog.

But GF it seems also has a dog.

Oh dammit, I'm confused.com

Greenspaceskeepmecalm · 21/06/2026 11:27

Why can’t the dog stay at the GFs?

I wouldn’t want a dog staying overnight but might as a one off (depending on how I got on with the person asking!).

Shinyandnew1 · 21/06/2026 11:27

What is he proposing, you have the dog all weekend apart from an hour when he takes it to see if it likes her dog?! Where will BIL be the rest of the weekend? If it’s going to be that (and then lots more weekends similar to build up the time) that’s really not fair on you!

Or is he going to take the dog and stay at hers, in which case he might as well just go straight there!

FWC2026 · 21/06/2026 11:28

Reading comprehension is getting worse on here.

@Susieb4964 it's your house, so it's up to you, BIL can whinge all he likes.

However, if you're happy for the dog to visit in the daytime I don't see the issue with it staying overnight.

Overscheduled · 21/06/2026 11:28

I love dogs, we have dogs and we do look after our friends dogs when they’re away and they do the same for us.

YANBU to not want to do it though. You don’t have your own dogs, your house isn’t set up for them and you would be on edge.

It’s his dog and he needs to take responsibility. He will have to stay in a dog friendly hotel and see his gf for shorter amounts of time with the dogs to get them used to each other, build up time, make sure they get on etc.

dnadiscoveryquery · 21/06/2026 11:31

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:19

I’m a bit lost.

when you say “introduce the dogs” do you mean introduce to you? Or does bil and the gf have a dog each and they want to introduce them to each other?

is the bil staying with you or with his gf? Does he want to leave his dog with you while he stays with gf? Or bring both his and gf’s dog to stay with you?

is it a bit of a stop gap until the dogs know each other? Or more of a dump the dogs while he shags the gf thing?

I didn’t think it was confusing.

OP and her husband live in a city where bil’s new gf lives.

BIL wants to come and introduce his dog to gf’s dog.

He has asked to stay at op’s house 🤷🏼‍♀️

Noshowlomo · 21/06/2026 11:40

God no YANBU. Filthy stinkers as they are

SunnyRedSnail · 21/06/2026 11:46

DaisyChain505 · 21/06/2026 11:00

Your house your rules however I can understand the confusion because you allow dogs in to visit.
Usually it’s either dogs allowed or they’re not. Is there really that much difference between the dog visiting for a few hours or staying over night?
As long as BIL is clear that he is to be with the dog at all times and he brings his crate to sleep in or if he sleeps on the bed just wash the sheets immediately in the morning I’d allow it.
But again, your house your rules.

YES! A huge difference between dog visiting and overnight.

Most people I know do not allow dogs upstairs in bedrooms so that means the owner either sleeps with the dog downstairs or the dog needs a cage so it is not walking round the house at night.

Lots of dogs hate being in a cage in a strange house.

My DH refuses to cage our dog so when we visit my parents he sleeps in the lounge with the dog!

@Susieb4964 perhaps he can sleep in the lounge with the dog?

Blueberries0761 · 21/06/2026 11:47

YANBU and I say this a a dog owner. Having someone come to visit with their dog for a short while is different to having a dog stay for a weekend. You shouldn't have change things around to make your home dog safe for bil's dog. Plus, if you agree this time, it'll likely be an ongoing thing and bil will probably leave the dog with you for long periods of time while he's out.

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