Scared and sad, first house - weird feelings

[Travelinshow]

Is it normal to feel scared when you huy a house?
Im 42 and a first time buyer, its pathetic i know but I spent all my childhood moving around, all my adult life too. Everyone talks like this should be the most exciting thing ever but all I feel is fear and something like sadness

It might just be a bit overwhelming. A house comes with financial ties and makes it harder to be spontaneous.

Hi. It is scary. I think it's to do with the responsibility of the mortgage and the OMG moment of I owe all this money!
But take a deep breath. Plenty of people do it and you will be fine too.

No more moving around. You have your forever home now and you will make it fab.

X.

Not pathetic at all, it's scary, all that money, it's a big decision. Understandable you have mixed feelings as you've moved about so much. Your feelings are normal and understandable.

I think in your 40’s you question things more.

i bought my first house at 24 and had the ignorance of youth! Nothing phased me. It would stress me to the max now 😂

your feelings are normal and valid. I am sure you will settle one the purchase has gone through

I'm 41 and we are buying our first house. I am excited. But mostly terrified! I think it's because it is something we have wanted for so long and we finally are doing it. I have to put it out of my mind or I get really nervous.

Of course it's normal to feel scared, it's a big thing to do. I had a lot of anxiety during the buying process (late 30's) worrying if I'd hate it or had made a bad decision and also because I felt it was tying. In reality as soon as I moved in I found that all these worries I didn't know I had about renting suddenly lifted. I felt at home in my own place very quickly and much more secure. Hopefully you'll love it too. But if not, there is nothing stopping you from selling and renting again. Or renting it out and you moving. Or you getting a lodger.

Totally agree. Bought my house when I was 31, large mortgage and totally unphased about the chain collapsing. The mortgage and upkeep of a large period property.

Am currently selling said house, 22 years later and moving, mortgage free, to a different property. So my anxiety isn't about a mortgage as am mortgage free, mine is about owning it on my own, what if I've made a terrible decision and bought a stupid property, argh! It's all on ME!!! EEEKKKKK

Yep, bought at 35 and even though I really, really wanted the house I felt so nervous about spending literally everything I had to buy it! But it's great, I am so happy in my own house and am very glad I just got on with it at the time as I feel so secure and never have to worry about being evicted or moving or anything.

Ah its great to hear your stories, and thanks for your kindness!
Its a lot of what you're all saying... All my savings going into the deposit, and above all, the feeling of letting go of an identity ive held for a long time now. There's also the fact that im not buying with my partner, im buying alone. Which feels somehow bittersweet.
I know this doesnt mean im locked somewhere forever though. Im just trying to give myself some solid ground, of rhe type ive never had before!

You'll be OK OP, jump in feet first!

I felt pretty flat after I bought my house (no pun intended). Like you I'd spent my whole life in rentals and I thought I'd be absolutely elated, but I just wasn't. Moving is stressful. I've been here three years and it still doesn't feel like my house - I don't think it will until I've been able to make all the changes I want and decorate every room how I like.

I do love that I'm no longer paying some greedy twat's mortgage though.

It takes a little bit of time to settle in, get used to the sounds and smells and eventually make it your own. It'll happen.

I cried loads when I bought my current and previous houses. The whole thing was just very stressful. Got used to both of them in the end. It’s normal!

I bought my first flat in my 20s and didn’t feel anxious at all. It comes with age, I think. You question everything.

I bought alone at 40, as a non-native in the UK. It was the most stressful experience of my life, I'm generally quite chilled but it was so so so overwhelming.
At first, after I completed, all I could think about was how a massive loser I was, it was a terrible mistake, hated the flat, the area etc...
It settled quite quickly.
Now 6 years later, I absolutely love everything, it's my safe place and everyday I feel a huge sense of accomplishment.

A friend of mine recently had exactly the same experience, I think it's very normal when you buy alone.

Jts funny isnt it, why do you think the buying alone makes it feel like this?! Maybe it sort of makes you think "what's the point", even though there clearly is a point...

DH used to do this with every house we ever bought @Travelinshow - and we're old, so it's been quite a few houses. He used to wake up in the middle of the night, grab my arm and say in this panicky voice "Are we doing the right thing?" with his eyes like saucers 😳

We've been here for nearly 30 years now and have no more plans to move again but I'd say the same as everyone else, yup, totally normal!

Happy new hoose 🤗!

Haha that is such a sweet vignette of your husband, I can picture it so clearly 😅

I understand very much what you are saying. I am now 40, bought my house just under a year ago - first time buyer, just me etc.

It stirred up a whole range of feelings - the 'life eventness' of it, the adult responsibilities, happiness ... but yes also sadness, regret, doubt... and still even now sometimes.

Allow yourself the time/energy/space you need - whatever that might look like with people round/sorting out things. For me at the moment it is enjoying creating my garden.

I was meant to read this post tonight. It has made me cry with relief.
DP and I are looking to buy our first house. We met a bit later on (34 and 38), and I am terrified.
I love him, want to live with him and be a family, but I have only ever depended on myself before. I have a safe, tiny place I rent and the process is overwhelming me.
Fortunately both mums are helping us by being second pairs of eyes.
DP is averse to renovations, whereas I am very location focused (I can't stand noise and want a garden and space).

I am scared. Not excited. I just wish it was easier, and that it could just be done without me worrying.

I am honestly so glad other people feel the same.

In my case, it was mostly because I didn't have anyone to help me make what felt like a life-changing decision
A friend isn't the same as someone who's embarking on the project with the same level of commitment.

So as a result I was second-guessing all my decisions and quickly settled on the fact that I was an idiot who apparently always took the bad ones (which actually wasn't the case)

I never wanted to buy with a partner, or just live with a partner, but in that very situation, it would have been nice to have a reliable sounding board, just to avoid being overwhelmed by macro and micro-decisions.

I bought my first house solo, was convinced I was doing the right thing then cried when I got the keys. It’s a hard feeling to articulate but it just feels huge, permenent, and like it could be the worst mistake of your life! It does pass, and feels amazing once you’ve made it your own and filled it up a bit. I hope you settle in x

It can be scary buying at first because you haven't built up any equity in addition to to the deposit. That feeling of, "If I had to sell very soon (although unlikely) I might be at a financial loss." This goes away with time of course.

Although it's silly I do like that with every mortgage payment I do own a little more of my house. I bought at the same age as you and I get it!

I get it OP. I bought my first two flats solo and it was fairly terrifying. Then I gradually realised that it was my space to enjoy and decorate, and it felt wonderful. Good luck.

Totally get you!

The thing that made me feel better about that was to think about what I'd be losing on rent. My rent was about £500 more a month than my mortgage, so I'd 'lose' £6000 a year when renting over living in my own place. If I had to sell my place at 5 years, as long as any loss I made on selling was less than £30,000 (very likely for my sale price) then I wouldn't have 'lost' anything. I know that's super simplistic and doesn't entirely stack up but it made me feel less panicked.