He drives me mad. Any tips for a weekend break and am I even doing the right thing?

[Tusnd10010]

Ex and I try to co parent well. Try being the key word! He’s never really been around for ds and due to the nature of his work (outing if I specify), he spends significant time working abroad. This means ds now 4 has never lived with ex or stayed over with him.

Ds and ex do have a decent relationship as I have gone out of my way to try and support that. Ex is a workaholic and no matter what I’ve said over the years he simply won’t change his work patterns to see ds more.

So that’s where we are at. One thing he tries to do is book holidays during his annual leave for ds. As ds spends all his time with me, he wants to be with me too. Due to ex’s absence a lot of the time I don’t feel it’s fair on ds for me to just leave him with ex to go on holiday, maybe when he’s older but not at 4.

I feel drained by him. He’s not a bad person but it’s hard because I’ve moved on now and spending time with him is difficult. Am I doing the right thing overall for ds? We do have a nice time when we go away but I do spend a lot of the time messaging my friends as he’s hard to be around. Ds seems to enjoy the holidays though. What do you think?

Unless you are worried about DS's safety, I would let him go alone with his dad.

I wasn't sure I understood - do you mean your ex books holidays that you then go on to care for your DS?

This is extremely unusual, you can say no.

If you think the correct contact for your DS is single days, then just enforce that.

Or, build up to your DS going on holiday with his dad.

If he’s holidayd with his dad before he can do it now without you. They deserve their own relationship without you and you shouldn’t stand in the way of it. Enjoy your time alone

At 4 it’s fine for him to go on holiday with his dad. I’d want regular FaceTime as the compromise. I’m not sure their relationship can fully develop with you always there. Unless there’s safety concerns I wouldn’t put myself through having to be near my ex more than necessary.

Dear god no. DH can parent him without you propping him up!

I'd say he's old enough to go with dad now. Maybe start with one night? Then weekends.

That’s not an option, the thread is about holidays

Just let him go with his Dad. They'll have a great time.

Thanks, not possible to build up to nights away. He’s never spent a night with ex and ex has not desire to do that (and won’t)

I wouldn't have wanted my 4 yr old to go on holiday with someone they are not entirely comfortable with and who had never cared for them overnight.

Your ex needs to spend proper time with DS getting to know him and his routines before taking him away. Can he book an AirBnB near your house for a long weekend to start off with?

Hang on - is it your DS who wants you to go on the holidays (understandable) or your ex wanting you to go because he doesn't want to parent? Or both?

At 4 I'd probably let them go alone and crack on, certainly for up to a week. Not ideal but equally they are not strangers to one another and he has to get used to overnights somehow. If he went to court he'd probably be allowed it anyway.

Well what is the thread about then? I don’t think you’ve been very clear. Do you mean he pays for you to go on holidays staying near where is working so he can see DS in the day time?

@BigBrownBoogyingBear cant emphasise enough how he won’t do this. He’s booked annual leave for the year and wants to go on several holidays. He is not an unkind person and he pays for my stay too, he does do his bit when there. I don’t want ds to miss out and he would definitely be upset if I wasn’t there (and confused).

@ToKittyornottoKitty sorry I suppose just wanted to know if others do similar as co parents. And generally any tips not to get frustrated given they’re an ex

Do you mean that you all go on holiday together, so you stay together in the same holiday cottage for example?

Do similar to what though? What do you do? You implied you go on holidays together but then said he’s never had a night with DS and doesn’t want to?

@purpleme12 yes, always separate rooms and spend time separately in the evenings

Well then he can just go with your son and him by themselves can't he

From the sounds of it you've been on the holidays altogether so now's the time to step back

Sorry I’d not be going. He’s 4 now and will be ok with his dad for a week alone. Unless you have issues for your child.

But who is asking you to go? DS or ex? Would ex take DS away on his own?

To be honest I don’t think this is really worth it for you or ds. The fact that your ex won’t have him overnight and then expects you to go on holiday with him as his only form of overnight contact is pretty pointless.

@BigBrownBoogyingBear not sure as he always encourages me to go and one occasion I suggested to ds he goes with dad and he was v upset at the idea of me not going.

for context ex can go 2-3 weeks regularly not seeing him at all

Or maybe suggest your ex takes DS away for a weekend rather than a week to get him used to it. Or he takes a week off and comes and collects DS every day and spends quality time with him to get DS used to him.

He cld fuck right off tbh.
Id not be going.
Either he takes his son on his own or neither of us wld be going
Stop enabling this shit.