Divorce, house move , cheating husband help please

[Macmeme]

So. Husbands come home from work and told me he slept with someone at work in 2017. He told me because 2 days ago she has filed a rape case against him.

We are due to move house and have just signed contracts for the houses.

He has said he knows its over. I have told him in no uncertain terms it is over

What do i need to do first?

I have logged off work and told my family who i will be phoning when he has left.

He is leaving. Presumably to go to parents.

New house is more expensive and I will struggle to afford on my own.

Im thinking of cancelling the move, stay here he can live soemwhwre else.

But what else do I need to do? And in which order. Thank you

I don’t think legally you can cancel the move or at least without it costing you a fortune

Can you let the sale go through but not the purchase and go live with family. Splitting the house is a big part of divorce. You'll make that so much easier just getting it sold now.

Also, he didn't cheat, he raped someone. Rape accusations are drastically more likely to be true than false, you have no reason to believe she's a liar, but you know he is. So yeah, he didn't cheat, he raped someone.

You've signed. But have you EXCHANGED? We signed Monday but the exchange isn't till next Monday. So there's still time. Contact your solicitor asap and ask them to delay just a few days.

Why has she waited since 2017 to file a claim? Has he spoken to her since 2017, what triggered this.

Is that rental or purchase contracts?

If the exchange hasn't happened, you can pull out of the purchase. I'm so sorry for your situation. I'm sure eventually your life will be better without a rapist in your home.

Rape has triggered this.

Phone your solicitors and see if contracts have been exchanged. If not then pause. If yes, find out what the financial penalties are for cancelling

Let’s not victim blame here. There are many reasons why people don’t come forward straight after a crime has taken place and that isn’t what this thread is about.

Speak to conveyancing solicitors urgently and tell them not to exchange. Confirm by email.

Agree with PP, unless he was having a longer term affair where some sex was consensual, this isn’t about someone he slept with, it’s about a woman he raped. 💐

Signing contracts doesn't mean anything in the conveyancing process. Have you exchanged contracts yet? If not, back out of the purchase and stay put. Tell your rapist ex-husband he's a pig from me.

I’m so sorry OP. What a shock. And an absolute shit storm ahead of you.

one thing/day/project at a time.

Are you buying or renting. Signing contacts often comes quite a while before actual exchange if buying.

You need to speak to whoever is dealing with it.

You could also be in breach of mortgage terms if you choose to proceed from a change of circumstances/ affordability aspect

I am sorry OP. I would really seek urgent advice from a qualified lawyer rather than mumsnet. To state the obvious, your STBXH cannot just disappear without any liability for the shit show on the new property. The challenge though is presumably he might be sacked, got to jail and never work again. Take proper legal advice as soon as possible.

Tell your solicitor in confidence your dilemma and ask for exchange to be delayed (if possible) just to give tou a teeny bitnof breathing space. Most good solicitors will find an excuse to delay for a brief period.
Then seek proper advice rempenalties, mortgage agreements etc.
Then just deal with thing bit by bit as needed.
Im so sorry you're going through this.

@Macmeme I agree with @Cyclebabble , you need to speak to a solicitor asap.

I'm not in the UK so can't address specifics of house sales. But I guess my main issue to think about would be whether or not the house will be sold anyway in the divorce or whether you (or he) would have the money to buy the other out.

But also to consider is whether or not you (or he) feel you would be entitled to more than a 50/50 split. For example, if one of you put more into the deposit or if you (or he) will be the main carer for a disabled child who will need special adaptations to a new home. Another complication I know of is that a friend 'got' the house in exchange for signing off on her exHusband's pension pot. There were a lot of complicated calculations before that could be done to prove it was 'equtable'.

If neither of you can buy the other out and there are no 'special circumstances', then I'd probably proceed with the sale and the money would be split 50/50. BUT, you really need to discuss this with a solicitor first.

I know your head is reeling. But when it comes to a large asset, especially a home, you need to take a deep, deep breath and think 'practical'. If possible, have a friend or relative with you when you see a solicitor to serve as a second set of ears. Take the sale contracts with you as they'll show the value of the house and try to figure what the profit will be after any mortgage is paid off.

You'll get through this. You will!!

Surely no point aborting house process? As you will still need somewhere to live as this runs its course? Divorces are messy and it’ll take time to get rid of him so I’d personally go for the house then maybe rejig the mortgage in time to extend term etc to reduce the payments.

Hey, things seem bad right now but at least your not him right?!

WTF? Like rapists shouldn’t be punished?

The OP is facing her marriage suddenly ending for a horrible reason. She’s asked what she needs to do and in what order. She isn’t up to a lecture on what her stbx has done.

Speak to your solicitor ASAP and put whatever you can on hold. Think about cancelling the move. If its too late, go stay with a family member and let him go to the house. Talk to the solicitor about what you have to have in place to sell the house if you need to.

Given the appalling rape statistics in this country, the chance he will be charged, go to trial and be found guilty are vanishingly small, much as I wish this was not the case. Its possible his life will continue much as now, but without you in it. And its possible that he had a consensual affair and then raped her, but it very much sounds like he is trying to minimize what he did.

I am so sorry. Wishing you all the best.

That clearly wasn’t my intention. I was referring to HIS terminology. Referring to this woman as someone he slept with during an affair when actually it’s a rape victim we are talking about.

Nobody here would think OP complicit in that, least of all me.

Do you mean you’ve exchanged contracts? But have yet to complete? If so you would lose the exchange monies. Or do you mean your offer has been accepted? Hopefully the latter and you can pull out. Can your (soon to be ex) husband cover the cost of pulling out if the former?

Thank God most people here won't be on a jury ... he may/may not have rated somebody ... that is why we have a trial!

Without the rape accusation you would never have known.
While it is very concerning for you as a woman, your main priority is for yourself and your family.
Get proper legal advice, and soon.
I know there are false accusations of rape, but there are far far far many more cases which don’t get reported, don’t go to trial, or when they go to trial, there is no real justice for the victim.