To want a month or so off parenting?

[feelconflicted]

Obviously it’s impractical, can’t happen, etc, but do you ever think … if you could just have a month or so in your ‘old’ life before becoming a mum? The lie ins you’d have, the late bedtimes unworried about the next day, the books you’d read, the stuff you’d do, I can’t believe before becoming a mum I sometimes felt lonely and unfulfilled!

Well presumably you don't feel lonely and unfulfilled now so I'd focus on the positive?

Is your kids Dad not around? What is it your constantly worried about?

Yes OP I know exactly what you mean. I adore my DC but I'd love a small window of time to not be "on" 24/7 . I remember my mum saying the last day you will ever truly put yourself first is the day before you give birth to your first child. She never met mine, but I always wish I could tell her how right she was.

Even just something like one whole day a year would do for me.

No, because I was working full time so still had early mornings. I'm sure my liver is glad of the rest too

The idea of just getting on a train and disappearing for a few days was so attractive at times

if you have cash you can buy knickers and a toothbrush in M&S

Totally relate, I have the same fantasy.

I have a friend who has frequent holidays and weekends away without her child. She leaves her with her mum. This is in addition to her mum taking the child every Friday night since the child was 6 weeks old, returns her Saturday evening. 24 hours, totally childfree, every single week. Mind blown.

Wow ! People like this are living a totally different life and motherhood to me!

A month? No way. I'd miss them like crazy and be annoying everyone by talking about them constantly.

I'd happily accept a weekend to myself in a fancy hotel though.

I have friends and they are lovely people but have regular weekends away, loads of childfree time. She was exploring York this week. Her DC are the same ages as mine! Not fair 😭

Yes! When I was in the thick of it with two small children, then the primary school when school gives you two days notice that you need to create an elaborate golden plated Egyptian sarcophagus, or a Roman warrior outfit, or make a stickman outfit because your child’s favourite book is the Stickman, or bake a billion cupcakes or you’ll be the WORST mother of all time; and then don’t forget to tick the box that says you’ve read the entire encyclopaedia Britannica with your child, but they still cant pronounce their ‘th’ sound and now you have to make them say ‘f’ a thousand times a day (I may be exaggerating, but you get my drift). Not to mention running around like a headless chook because woe-bide you if you should be late to pick up.
You can finally start to breath again once they get to secondary until the school refusal sets in and the stress all starts again
parenting is hard, it’s relentless, and when you are in the thick of and worn out, it’s hard to remember it’s also an incredible privilege, and the phenomenal love that flows between you and your little or not so little person you created / adopted / fostered/ guardianship.

I firmly believe that you should be entitled to annual leave from motherhood. I’d probably just take the odd day here or there with a weekend or two, but it would make all the difference.

My parents can’t look after my children for various reasons and my MIL lives too far away for it to be practical much of the time but my sisters ILs are local, retired and fit. She gets so much free time with her OH if she asks (although she’s careful not to take the piss) and I am wildly jealous 🙈

100%

I wfh, alone, and some days I clear the diary and just sit there in silence staring into the void.

But you got the evenings to yourself. Working full-time was easier without dcs than with (not to mention alittle older too).

A month would be way too long. A weekend would be nice , haha.

I became a mum at 16, so I don’t even know an adult life before kids. I had 3 DC, my youngest is 18 now and I am almost 50. So now I can start to do more of what I like. The school run is over (from tomorrow), and my DD can fend for herself and my boys have moved out.

It’s been a long time coming, but i’m moving onto the next chapter now. Only you look forward to all these lie in’s you’re going to have when kids grow up, and then menopause hits and you’re back to the sleeping pattern of a new mum!

I would rather have a day a month to myself for the next 2.5 years than 30 days in one go. The relentlessness and lack of breaks is what makes parenting so difficult for me.

I do get what you’re saying and I don’t want to sound like I’m shrugging off menopause as it’s a big deal, but there is still a difference to waking up early and getting to stay in bed to getting up early and kind of having to be ON from the second you wake.

When mine were small & I was in the thick of it, I used to fantasise about a lovely hotel room with a big deep bubble bath, room service, crisp white sheets, a book and hours of uninterrupted sleep! A weekend would have been enough though, I could never do a month away from my kids!

I think a month perhaps would be too long but certainly every other weekend …

There was a moment when we both confessed we were fantasising about splitting up so we could have every other weekend off from the children.

Oh yes, DH is fine but I fantasise divorce a lot so I could hand over DS and have a weekend to myself. What bliss.

@BoyMum8483922i was one of the lucky ones like your friend. My parents used to take my two children along with there other two grandchildren every single Friday night for YEARS. Sometimes a night through the week aswell. It saved my sanity so much. And I realise how lucky I was to have this

DH got me 2 nights in a spa alone for my birthday. I spent an entire, glorious weekend being completely self indulgent and it was amazing!! I don't think I'd want any longer than that away though. They are hard work but I did miss their little faces.

Yes! With a deadbeat dad who is not involved in their lives and refuses to contribute financially I’ve raised four kids for 21 years.

I’m exhausted.

When I’m not cooking, washing and cleaning I’m mentally engaged in planning meals, lifts, appointments.
Dealing with hormonal teenagers and trying to be there for them and their stress.
A week off would be amazing, a
whole month…..incredible.

My personal fantasy is a tiny bachelor flat with nothing in it, and only I have the key. Two plates and two cups from Ikea. One lovely daybed and a nice end table for my book. You get the picture. No accumulated stuff and no one creating any messes, ever.