AIBU to ask what nursery will share with school?

[CheeseSandwich1]

AIBU to ask what information nursery pass to school?

For context - During my first pregnancy I developed a serious mental illness and was unwell enough that social services were involved.

For the first year of DC1’s life I was in mental health units or at home seeing the mental health team most days. I wasn’t diagnosed with the correct illness until DC1 was 9 months old, which added to me being unwell.

DC1 was placed in the care of their Dad by social services and has continued to live with him, I am effectively the ‘Dad’ in our co-parenting relationship.

Social services concerns were my mental illness and the difficult relationship DC’s Dad and I had.
The case has been closed for a long time; before they closed we put a safety plan in place for if I was to become unwell again and social services advice were for Dad and I to have ‘no direct contact’ due to our previous acrimonious relationship.

To be honest since them closing DC’s Dad and I have got on pretty well and we have a routine that works for our DC. My Dad does pick ups/drop offs but over time ex and I have started to meet for pick ups/drop offs (because no one is available) and it’s been fine. We viewed schools together and we’ve spent DC’s birthday/christmas together with extended family.

I spoke to his nursery teacher about his transition to school and I did ask what information would be passed on to school as social services involved nursery when DC started nursery. Nursery teacher said as there were no safeguarding concerns and DC is meeting every milestone that a very basic history would be given and it would be up to me to share anything else with school.

DC’s Dad was told the other day that the safeguarding lead will have to talk to school and social services previous involvement. Whilst I’m not against this, we even waited to the end at DC’s school introduction evening to explain that DC lives with Dad as I’d been very unwell when DC was a baby, I really do not feel comfortable with someone disclosing my illness to someone else without me being present.

I am diagnosed with arguably the most stigmatised mental illness however I don’t present how the mainstream media portrays people with this illness (which is why I went misdiagnosed for so long) and multiple psychiatrists have said it’s almost unheard of for someone with this illness to have such a good understanding that I have of it. I really don’t want the new school forming an opinion of me based on what the safeguarding lead at the nursery says, especially considering we’ve had no involvement with social services for a very long time.

AIBU to ask what will be said to the school? Are they allowed to disclose my health information or will it be ‘mum was unwell’? I really don’t want to open a can of worms!

If dc was placed in dad’s care by social services then this information will be passed on.

i no longer work in this area but safeguarding is about safeguarding the child and the parents rights come a long way second.

parenrs do not have control over what SS tell schools (for obvious reasons)

I imagine they will find out, and there’s no bad thing about that, it’s your child’s history. And the only important thing here is your child’s wellbeing, it’s about them not you. It won’t be a big deal to them and it’s not like they will hold it against you. Try not to worry about it, you’ve come a long way

School to school transfers involve a child's safeguarding file being transferred, I would hope that nurseries have the same obligation or there is the potential for huge gaps for children to fall into. This won't be accessible to all.staff though, only those who really do need to know.

If there’s been historic social services involvement, the school will receive that information directly from Social Care. This is absolutely as it should be.

What ever it is, please don’t be embarrassed or anything. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job about everything and handling things so well x

Why not contact the safeguarding lead at the nursery and ask them the full extent of what they will share, then you'll know.

Does it matter? Ideally they know everything and perhaps you should arrange a meeting to explain so it’s from you.

While your feelings are completely understandable, the safeguarding of a child always comes first and the school need to know the history to ensure they can escalate appropriately if they have any concerns you're becoming unwell again. If, for example, a parent was reported to be behaving in a certain way, that historical information would be crucial to how it was dealt with. If you ask what information is going to be shared then they should be transparent with you about it, but you can't request they don't share it.

They will have access to all of it. I used to be a teacher. Some kids come with social care info going back the whole way.

That said - your story, whilst upsetting for you, won't even raise an eyebrow on the vast vast majority of teachers. You'd be amazed by the things we see. This is nothing, meant in the absolute most reassuring kindest way possible. Just part of your family tapestry x

I suspect you mean along the lines of schizoaffective disorder / bipolar affective disorder / paranoid schizophrenia? If so, please don’t be ashamed. You won’t be the only parent at the school with an SMI condition and they won’t bat an eyelid, other than to ensure the correct handover of prior Soc Servs involvement has been done, as per protocol.

More people live (and function well) with SMI conditions than you’d think (myself included - and I’m a senior health professional). Having such a condition does not automatically prevent people from working, parenting, having access to their children, being reliable etc. You’re doing amazingly by the sounds of it, and your DC sounds settler, so all that you need to be concerned with is that continues.

I’m not too bothered if they share previous social services involvement, I just want to know what they’re sharing as realistically it will be about ‘me and my mental health’…

Also - how will social services share information with the school directly when DC has been closed to them for years? How will social services even know what school they’re going to etc? Again, I’m not bothered, I just want to know how it all works.

As I’ve said before I am diagnosed with a very stigmatised illness and people often automatically think individuals with my illness are terrible criminals etc and I really don’t want my child, my family or myself singled out because of misinformation etc.

You can make an access request to see what records they hold on your DS (assuming you have PR) as these will all be passed onto the school. But they will also likely also have verbal conversations that you will not be privy to.

My advice would be talk to the school and tell them yourself. Nothing you have to say will be new or shocking to them.

I am diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Social Services weren’t supportive at all, most of their reports were written along the lines of ‘people with schizophrenia often struggles with x y z’ instead of looking into my personal struggle.

One social worker even stated I may be ‘unhygenic/unclean’ because of it. If she’d read my file she would have known one of my symptoms was being so paranoid about being ‘poisoned’ I would clean 24 hours a day and not sleep when very unwell!

The nursery said they had no safeguarding concerns but just went along with what social services were saying. To be honest I avoid picking up DC from nursery mostly as I’m so embarrassed and I wanted the new school to be a fresh start for us all!

DC lives with Dad but I have him 2-3 days a week and overnight, I have PR.

I have told the school but I haven’t spelt out the name of my illness etc as I know the stigmatism. Can the nursery pass on my actual illness? Wouldn’t this be a breach of something?

If the case is closed to SS they won't contact the school. As you say they wouldn't know which school to contact. Honestly they haven't got surplus staff to keep following up closed cases.

However please do talk to the manager/DSL at the Nursery and ask what information will be shared with the next school. If there is a plan in place, the school needs to know what it is, in case they need to implement it.

But please, don't worry, schools are used to holding confidential info. They won't judge you and certainly won't gossip about you.

I can’t see how it would be a breach, it’s relevant to your child’s life and that’s what matters. It doesn’t mean you will be treated differently, it’s just part of your child’s family set up. There’s nothing to be ashamed of

There won’t be misinformation, it’ll be objective and factual. Each
child has a personal identification number and when they are registered with a school, past Social Care information will become flagged for staff to see.

You really don’t need to worry about stigma - there’s much less of it than you think / than there used to be. I work in MH & see people of all walks of life and all abilities living with paranoid schizophrenia. I myself have something similar. I’m a mum, a health professional, have always had great relationships with nursery/school, was on PTA etc. Most people know about my diagnosis and struggles - it doesn’t affect how I’m seen. It’s right that nursery shares the basic info with school around previous social servs involvement - that’s basic safeguarding - but they won’t be going into detail about you/your condition as that’s private medical information. They’ll divulge need-to-know headline facts such as dates of SS involvement, a broad reason for it, date involvement ceased, no cause for concern for the family or child since, all milestones being met, both parents involved with decisions etc… Please try not to worry 🫂

I understand that many, many parent’s who have dealt with Social Services will say this but there was a lot of misinformation documented about me by them. Even down to reports having different child’s names on etc or stating I was homeless/had no income when I had a tenancy agreement and an income.

The nursery really did change the way they interacted with me when they found out about my illness and I’m so worried about this happening with school.

Nursery will pass on any safeguarding information or paperwork they have. If that includes the name of your diagnosis then they will pass that on.

If you want to know exactly what they will pass on, I would ask for a meeting with the nursery safeguarding lead to discuss it.

Your child should have a file with correspondence and letters from social work, the nursery should have this and it’ll be passed to the school. Anything new will be added to the file. Think of it almost like medical records, they’re “kept” following specific guidelines and will follow your child.

So it won’t state ‘Mum has X mental illness’ ?

When Social Services were involved and there’s child protection categories they even tried to say my child could be ‘physically harmed’ because of the nature of my illness.

Eventually they decided on ‘emotional harm’ but it still worries me new teachers will read this and I think I’m a danger? Will I be able to join in with school activities etc?

Schools are a lot more professional though, and honestly a lot less involved

I will ring tomorrow and ask for a meeting with the safeguarding lead. I really, really don’t feel comfortable with them stating my diagnosis to the school. Stating I had a severe mental health problem or even a psychotic illness is fair but to state my actual illness is surely a breach of my own rights? Especially as I don’t have any ability to explain or defend what is being said.

I probably sound silly but I really have been stigmatised due to my illness. Ex DP’s Mum won’t talk to me because of my illness and Ex DP’s older children’s Mum will not allow me around her teenage children as she’s worried I may ‘harm them’. The only person I’ve ever harmed is myself.

To be honest the diagnosis isn't really relevant. It'll be something like:

'X's mother suffered from mental health difficulties when he was a baby. This led to social services involvement which has now come to an end. Both parents have PR and contact, but X lives with his Dad.'

Speak to the safeguarding lead at the nursery and ask them exactly what will be shared.