Friend said she was going to sleep with my ex…

[Whatadayyyyyyy]

my relationship with my ex ended out the blue about 2 months ago. It was traumatic for me. One of my closest friends who I have confided in more than anyone else was at the same event as my ex a couple of weeks ago. I have heard from several people that she followed him about flirting with him all night, and at the end of the night told someone she was going to sleep with him. I confronted her and she has made me feel like a dick for questioning her. Was I being unreasonable? She said she was so drunk she can’t remember but then also said she was laughing when she said it so clearly does remember. Tho apparently she was not laughing and was deadly serious when she said it

She's not your friend. She's taking her shot at your ex. Act accordingly. Stop confiding in her.

That said, you're not together anymore and his sex life is no longer your business.

No I agree his sex life is none of my business, I don’t care what he does. But one of my closest friends saying she is going to sleep with him? Surely that is a line that shouldn’t be crossed

She's not your friend.

Don't make yourself feel worse about her bad behaviour - just take the information for what it is, adjust accordingly and move on.

I'd not bother with her anymore. Friends don't behave like that.

Certainly stop confiding in her, or it's likely to go straight back to your ex.

She said she was going to, did you ask her if she did actually sleep with him?

She’s not a friend, cut her off

Yea she said no, but I think if the opportunity came up she would have. I am no longer speaking to her but I just doubted my l self as she is acting like I am so out of order even questioning her about it

You have to cut her off. This is shitty behaviour especially her knowing how upset you were.

Do yourself a favour and cut her out of your life. She will not hesitate to consider your feelings at all.

I would be understanding if a friend waited a decent amount of time and then told me when sober that she had serious feelings for my ex and wanted to start a relationship with him.

What your 'friend' has done is not that.

Thank you folks you have just confirmed my feelings. Definitely time to cut her off, I have enough good friends in my life I don’t need a shitty one like that. Just so gutting as I genuinely thought she was a good friend and have confided so much in her in the past

I agree with this.

I am glad that you see she is not a friend and are cutting her off.

Stop thinking of that woman as a friend. Clearly she isn't.

So you only have the word of a third party and you prefer to believe them?

I get you aren’t happy but if they are both single then unfortunately they can do what they want. And if you have fallen out with her then she’s got even less reason to leave him alone.

And if she is one of your closest friends then why wouldn’t you believe her?

Believe what? That she is going to sleep with him?

She is not your friend.

I can completely understand why you were upset and wanted to ask her about it, especially given how recent and painful the breakup was. That said, I do feel a bit sorry for your friend here. From what you've written, everything seems to be based on what other people told you happened rather than anything you actually saw yourself. Nights out are notorious for rumours, exaggeration and people misreading situations.

The fact she was drunk enough not to remember parts of the evening doesn't necessarily mean she's lying because she remembers saying one specific thing. Most people can remember snippets of a night while having huge gaps in the rest of it.

The biggest issue for me is that the witnesses don't even seem to agree. One version is that she was joking and laughing, another is that she was deadly serious. If people can't agree on something as basic as the tone, I'd be cautious about treating any of it as fact.

You weren't wrong to ask the question, but I don't think it's fair to assume your friend betrayed you based on second hand stories. Unless there's more evidence, it sounds like she may have ended up being judged and confronted over rumours she can't properly defend herself against.

I had a ‘friend’ do this many, many years ago. Feels like a betrayal, and it was the 2nd time she’d gone out with one of my exes. I walked away from her and found people who were better friends.

Sounds like you have a lot of shit stirring people in your life, it’s hard to know who you can trust. How could she not remember? It’s not something that you would forget. If she outright denied it then it would be different. She hasn’t.
She wouldn’t be the first person to date a friend’s ex swiftly becoming an ex friend.
Happened to me many moons ago.

Yabu for thinking of her as a friend, she isn't. Let her and your ex get together if they want to, she might just be winding you up anyway. Not that it matters because she isn't your friend and he's your ex.
Slap on a smile and let them think you've moved on and couldn't care less if she shags the entire local football team.

This happened to me! I was in my early 20’s and had a nasty break up. Confided in some friends, of course they all thought he was awful. Then found out that during a night out clubbing one of these “friends” flirted with my ex and told my other friend she wanted to go back home with him! Nothing ended up happening but I did talk to her about it and she said she was drunk, blah blah

She’s not a friend.

I had something similar happen to me 20yrs ago. My friend who had been my confidant and so supportive to me during my very painful contentious divorce suddenly started managing my ex’s parenting time and including him in dinners out with her, her DH and all our dc. She blanketed it with “I think Maddie should be able to see Cassie anytime she wants” (our 2 dd) but in reality her Maddie was only asking for my Cassie when she was with her dad. I also tested her by telling her something benignly false only to have it repeated back to me by my ex. I talked about this with her but she denied it and maintained “it’s all for the girls friendship”. Hmmm what about our friendship??
another wise friend said….how many people have landed on ex side of the divorce? None only her. Ended the friendship that day and never regretted it. She did reach out several times including yrs later but I can’t trust anyone who trusts and includes my ex. He’s toxic.
if I were you OP I couldn’t stand by and watch them flirt date have sex whatever. Plenty of other men for her to choose so she’s intentionally not choosing you.

I had a ‘friend’ who did this. Straight in there with an ex when I left him and then gleefully told me that my last ex was seeing someone new and who it was, not long after we split. Which she knew was incredibly painful for me.
Shes not your friend and Ive distanced myself from someone who is that selfish and goady. You probably should too.

To be honest, it sounds as if your friends - not just the one who may/may not have said she was going to shag your ex while blind drunk - are a bunch of stirrers.

No, my friend said she was joking and laughing but everyone else who saw said she was deadly serious