To struggle with not being kept in the loop post 18yrs?

[DarkRabbit]

I have a DS who is an older teenager, he has a multitude of serious medical conditions. A week ago, he was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for obviously significant issues. He hasn’t been in contact the last couple of days & I want to understand what is going on & how he is doing.

I appreciate that he is now “an adult” but it will be my job to care for him when he gets out & my job to support him if he isn’t able to study or work.

I appreciate his right to privacy but I am so angry, worried, heartbroken that I don’t know what’s going on or how he’s doing.

There’s obviously nothing I can do about it but sit at home stressing & trying to keep work / home / other kids going as normal.

I completely understand how you feel but sadly I doubt there is anything to be done. If he has capacity then his choice not to contact you overrides everything else.
Hopefully he will be in touch soon.

I’m sorry, that sounds so worrying and how you feel is completely understandable 💐

This must be very very hard. If he has significant mental health problems he is getting help from professionals. You know he isn't doing well - it's natural for you to want to know how he is, just try and let him be until he leaves the hospital as hard as that is . As you say you will likely have to look after him anyway, so take some space while you can.

I know he’s still there as I’m paying for it & he has nowhere else to go & no transport.

I can’t take space as am desperate with worry & have to keep up the pretense that everything is ok with work, kids etc

When he is well can you get him to authorise you to access his medical records and talk to his GP/hospital? I have full authorisation with DD including the online app, she just had to sign a few forms. (I appreciate this doesn't help now, but would in future).

I want to know what his diagnosis is & how well he is responding to treatment & what that treatment is.

I have been in your situation, it's terrifying. I told my work what was going on - would you consider letting them know ?

Unfortunately I’m 4 weeks in to a new job, took a day off last week to pack & take him up there. If I was a long tenured permanent member of staff, I would have taken this week off as I’m all over the place.

This may be a silly question, but I guess he won’t give the staff permission to keep you updated?

This is the problem with psychiatric issues. My daughter has had serious depression and anxiety for years and at one point they wanted her to phone up to book a series of phone treatments. I tried phoning to say she couldn't cope with sorting this herself on the phone so could I book it. I was told no even though she had obviously talked to me about it, hence me phoning!! In the end they agreed she could email them to give them permission to talk to me! Ask if they can get his permission for them to talk to you? Good luck.

I’ve asked him to give me permission but he hasn’t responded to my messages in the last two days so there’s not much I can do.

He was responding to my messages up until midday yesterday & now he’s not reading them.

He may not have a diagnosis yet and maybe it’s too early to confirm any response to treatment.

What do you think he will be diagnosed with? What drove you to bring him to a private psychiatric facility?

Do you have support for you IRL parter, family, friends, therapist who can soothe you at this very difficult and uncertain time? Can you take any comfort or strength from the knowledge he is being cared for by teams of professionals and experts.

I understand the silence is driving you distracted - and no one knows when / if communication with start again. I am so sorry you and your family are experiencing this - MH crisis for our young people is hideous as a parent.

The messages were daily up until yesterday at midday. I know the police were coming out to see him last night after something he disclosed in therapy (that I know the details of). I have no support - no partner, no family & busy friends with their own lives.

His previous suggestion of a diagnosis was PTSD which could still be the case but he has hallucinations so I’m worried about schizophrenia or bi-polar. I just want him to get a sound diagnosis & treatment targeted to that as I don’t think we’ve ever got to the bottom of it & it’s been going on for 2 or 3 years at this point.

That sounds tough OP.

My young adult daughter has it written in her medical notes that we are allowed access to her records and to speak to professionals. It means that we can help sort appointments and get included in consultations. She may change her mind one day, but for now she likes us being involved and activity wants it.

Maybe when he is out of this episode, discuss whether you could go on record as being somebody that can be contacted in future with his permission.

x

I’ve just rung the ward & they’ve confirmed he’s still there & doing well. Just have to wait I guess. The pain is excruciating.

Each of these conditions would take many weeks and months to diagnose - and some may exist alongside each other. It’s positive that he is only 18 and already under medical care because often people self medicate psychotic symptoms with alcohol and drugs and develop an addiction for many years which both masks and exacerbates the untreated condition.