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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lending money to family

105 replies

CatMakesFive · 15/06/2026 07:38

Would you lend money to a family member in these circumstances?

I’ve been asked by my cousin to lend her £2.5k for rent arrears. Her landlord has tried to work with her by setting up a payment plan apparently but it’s not worked out and they are now ready to start the eviction process unless she clears the debt. It sounds like it’s been dragging on for almost a year with her paying some, then not, but she’s being quite vague about the timings.

She works full time, has children but gets no financial help from their dad. I don’t know where she would live if she’s evicted. What would happen?

I can easily afford it but I don’t think I’ll get it back, at least not all of it. She says she could pay me £200 per month back but based on what’s happened with non payment to her landlord, I doubt that. I could afford to write it off if she doesn’t pay so that’s not the problem. I wish she hadn’t asked. I feel selfish as it’s not an amount that would be a problem to me but I’ve always had the mindset of not lending money to anyone as it causes issues and a big part of me feels she needs to sort this out herself.

Would you lend her the money?

YABU - Yes

YANBU - No

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 15/06/2026 13:04

Can she get a 0% credit card and put it on that? That would let her pay it off at £200/m (or less) if she is eligible.

FinallyHere · 15/06/2026 13:13

If you give anything it would need to be a gift rather than a loan. In your shoes, I’d hope I’d have the courage to refuse and encourage her to engage with IVA debt help or whatever is available. It’s really really tough to do that rather than just pay something g to get her out of your hair. All the best

CheddarBiscuit · 15/06/2026 13:15

Not a fucking chance, its sticking a plaster over the problem.

I'd 100% offer to help with addressing the financial issues though in the form of offering to go with her to citizens advice for support in getting back in control.

cauliflowerforever · 15/06/2026 13:16

Ellie1015 · 15/06/2026 08:02

I would give her the money if I am close to her and can afford to lose it. And hopefully to avoid having to help if they are made homeless.

I would ask for smaller repayment eg £50 per month as more achievable and hopefully get it back.

This is what I would/ have done with a relative .

MrsVBS · 15/06/2026 13:33

Absolutely not, if the payment plan with the landlord hasn’t worked there’s no way she’ll pay you and if you do it once she’ll always be asking. Just say your money is tied up in investments and you can’t access it. She’ll never stand on her own feet if constantly being bailed out.

Baconandonions · 15/06/2026 13:34

It really comes down to whether you can accept it isn’t really a loan it’s a gift as it’s highly unlikely you will get it back.

If your cousin is struggling and in rent arrears, it’s unlikely that your cousin can, once they have cleared the arrears, pay rent AND pay you £200.

If they had £200 to spare they wouldn’t have got into arrears in the first place.

NigellaWannabe1 · 15/06/2026 13:53

Do you know why she’s in this situation, OP? There might be a genuine reason, has she said? She should give you an explanation.

And yes to paying her landlord directly AND double check with him the amount he’s owed (in case she’s not been telling you the truth). Once a colleague of my mum’s asked her for quite a bit of money in tears. She lent it her, she then went on holiday/ bought new clothes. and never really repaid her debt 😳.

ByUniqueViper · 15/06/2026 13:53

If you could afford to lose the money, you wouldn't be annoyed about it and would save her from getting evicted then yes I would do it. But I would ask if there was a way I could try to help her manage.her finances to stop a similar situation occurring x

GloriousGoosebumps · 15/06/2026 13:55

Why is she asking you rather than more obvious people such as her parents? (I'm wondering if she has exhausted their savings and is now forced to look further afield.) I agree with previous posters that she is unlikely to repay you, however, the fact that children are involved makes it a much more difficult decision.

Sensiblesal · 15/06/2026 14:06

I think half the problem is, even if you gift her the money. That in a year's time she will be in the same situation again.

if she had £200 spare a month she would have surely been paying that to the Landlord.

would it be more helpful to suggest helping her with her finances/a budget see what she can really afford or not, then decide whether to help as a gift/loan.

stargirl27 · 15/06/2026 14:26

How close are you? I would give it to my cousin to be honest.

Thelittleweasel · 15/06/2026 15:13

Only you can decide whether to loan but if you do please please get a small agreement drawn up by a Solicitor.

There is a [rebuttable] principle that such agreements between family members are not enforceable.

@CatMakesFive

Horsemadlady1234 · 15/06/2026 15:29

No absolutely not. You bail her out now you will be expected to go on doing so. It will Rubin your relationship as a family because going forward it will be natural for you to question every expense she spends.
you are not responsible and this will only lead to further heartbreak in the future.

Lkt32 · 15/06/2026 15:49

If you can easily afford it and can afford to not get it back again, I would lend the money but assume to yourself that you might not get it back again, and accept that mentally.

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 15/06/2026 16:32

Why doesn’t she get CM? Is he refusing to/unable to pay? Or is she not asking for it?

How close are you? Do you know how she’s got into this mess? Does she drink/smoke/gamble?

Dolphinsarejerks · 15/06/2026 16:35

I wouldn’t lend her anything, sounds like she’s irresponsible with money and being evicted would be a wake up call she needs.

TheIdlerReturns · 15/06/2026 16:40

Not sure what kind of relationship you've got with your cousin, but now you are involved and there's been some discussion about the 'loan', I would give her the full amount, not ask for it back (because you say you can easily afford it), but make it clear to her there will be no further 'loans' or handouts. I agree with you about not loaning money. It's better to give and write it off. But she is responsible for her own life and make sure the buck stops right here.

Weeellokthen · 15/06/2026 16:51

I loaned a family member 2k last feb, for rent issues. It was to be for a couple of months. It was not repayed. I offered a payment plan of £50 pm, I received one payment. Heard continual sob stories. I learned on sm last week that they are in Portugal for 10 days.

TygerBread · 15/06/2026 17:44

Also if she’s a single parent, the top up benefits and housing benefits can actually make her better off than if she had a partner living with her on a low wage. The 2 child benefit cap has also been lifted so if she has 3+ children she’s likely recent become better off due to that as well.

One of the big downfalls with Universal Credit, is that they pay it to the claimant, meaning that for example she has been awarded £500 a month housing benefits, it just goes in with anything else she’s awarded to her bank account…meaning that she can choose not to forward that to the landlord.

I don’t see a loan helping the situation at all, she won’t repay it and it will be absolving her of her own responsibilities. She may also come back asking for more money in future. If you want to help her I would offer:

1- to go through her finances to help her work out whether she can make changes to ensure she can pay back the landlord.
2- if you can clearly see that she hasn’t been wasting money on non-essential spending during the time she has been arrears, and is genuinely in a situation she couldn’t avoid, gift the arrears value to her, but pay it directly to the landlord.
3- help her come up with a plan to prevent it happening again, this could include identifying areas to reduce spending, checking whether she is entitled to any additional benefits, and looking at whether she can move to a cheaper rental.
4- also look at the dates money is coming in and out. If her wages are her highest income, her rent should be going out the same/next day, to avoid other spending getting prioritised. You can pay a landlord a few days early as it just means you are in credit for the last week of the tenancy, or you can move the date forward by paying a week as a standalone and shifting the monthly renewal date. If there is a big gap between the income and the rent date…she may be mismanaging the money in between, so closing the gap could make it easier for her see how much money she actually has for the month.

What you need to do is avoid taking responsibility for her mistakes, as soon as you start, it won’t ever end, or it will end in tears. It does seem like a glaring red flag that you are being asked to give her a loan without seeing her bank statements. A bank wouldn’t give a loan without a credit check, so why should a family member give a loan blindly on trust, especially when it’s to pay off a debt to someone else that shouldn’t have built up to begin with. If she doesn’t intend to pay it back, she should be upfront and ask for a gift, to claim it will be paid back at £200pcm and then come up with excuses later for not paying reeks of someone who uses/abuses others.

I’ve never leant/gifted money in this way…but I have seen examples of people who do things like mismanage their finances so their phone is cut off and they get a warning about council tax payments being missed because they’ve gone over their overdraft limit…then a week later they are booking theatre tickets and buying a new sofa on credit. If she’s anything like the people I know…if they were given £2.5k to clear rent arrears, but the landlord was only demanding £200 monthly extra to stave off eviction…I’m 100% certain they would keep the cash in their account and not pay off the arrears, with the intention of just paying it at £200 a month…then some other bill would come up, such as wanting to pay monthly for a future holiday or pay for a child’s birthday party etc, and they would dip into the money, with the attitude of ‘worry about it later’.

Whatever you decided to do…if you are loaning/gifting, I’d say it’s VITAL that you pay it direct to the landlord. I’d also be asking for the landlord’s phone number because maybe the arrears are £2k and she’s just decided to tell you it’s higher to give her some buffer money etc. Someone I know was in a lot of credit card debt, then took out a bank loan to consolidate, but because the bank approved a max loan of more than that debt…they took out as much as possible just because they could…you might be suprised and find out the debt isn’t as much as £2.5k and she’s actually wanting money for other things.

Also, how well do you know her, I know you said ‘cousin’, but are you socialising with her regularly? If you aren’t, it would make it hard to tell if she’s frivolous with money. If you know she thinks nothing of going out to eat with glasses of wine at a restaurant every weekend…then you know she has mismanaged her money, but if she’s someone who doesn’t spend on luxuries and has second hand furniture etc you are on steadier
ground that she’s less likely to be using you.

As well consider what she would do for YOU. She may ever be in a position to help you financially, and you may never need it…but is she someone that would be the first to offer help with childcare, or visit you in hospital, look after your pets when you are on holiday etc….does she support you in other ways, or is she someone who is always on the take?

TulipsAndPancakes · 15/06/2026 18:19

Can you pay the landlord directly so you know its going to the right place

Yokodoko · 15/06/2026 22:23

eekididitagain Best answer 🤗

InterIgnis · 15/06/2026 22:33

Absolutely not. You’ll never see it repaid, and she will almost certainly pile on the emotional blackmail to try and get more. Don’t fall for it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/06/2026 11:13

CheddarBiscuit · 15/06/2026 13:15

Not a fucking chance, its sticking a plaster over the problem.

I'd 100% offer to help with addressing the financial issues though in the form of offering to go with her to citizens advice for support in getting back in control.

Even leaving aside the question of repayment I believe it's the "sticking plaster" issue which would stop many of us from doing this - especially as there's every chance that, having found a fresh source of funding, they'd be back again and again with ever more creative stories

You're right of course about offering access to financial guidance, but I'd be amazed if they accept it when really it's no-questions money they want

user5683926547 · 16/06/2026 11:19

Only if you can afford to view it as a gift and expect not to get it back. I’d also want to pay it direct to the landlord, not her.

Of course I would help my kids much more willingly, but extended family needs more caution!

Silverbirchleaf · 16/06/2026 11:21

No. If the landlord has tried to set up a payment plan, and if she can’t manage that, why would it be different with you?

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