I’m not going to daughters prom

[omgwhys]

My daughters prom next week.
I had her at 16 myself we’ve grown up together really

she’s got a beautiful dress, hair being done just everything really spoilt her she deserves it.
the tradition is parents drive to the prom to see their children off and take photos etc.

I’ve decided not to go to this. My reason is my parents are going. (Her grandparents) I have nothing to do with them due to being treated badly as a child really badly. We don’t speak I had to cut them off for my own mental health. They have always spoilt my daughter and and undermined me.

i can’t see them at the prom I will mentally spiral and it’s not good for me. It’s also my baby’s day and I don’t want spoil it for her with bad energy. I wish my parents would just fuck off if I’m honest.

I expect your daughter will be ok with this.. Don't worry x

Take some lovely pictures at home. The whole thing sounds bonkers to me. Must be a British prom thing?. I'm pretty sure any highschooler I know would be mortified at the thought of their mum showing up at prom. Don't the school hire a photographer?

Loads of parents won't go. Most just take photos at home. Perfectly normal, you won't be missing out on anything.

Yes, to see them perform!

I didn't rock up, grab a doll and take the part of the Virgin Mary.

Just leave teenagers alone to enjoy their experiences with their friends.

It’s absolutely an American thing. Possibly British now too, but very much an American thing.

Parents going to a prom is weird. I would have refused to let my parents come

I have lovely photos of both my girls at home all dressed up for prom I wouldn't dream of going to prom to take photos its their night they don't want mum hanging around

At my DD's prom it absolutely was a 'thing' for parents to watch the arrivals. Maybe it depends on the local area and where the prom is held.

So OP, it isn't weird, and I'm sorry you feel you need to miss out.

Are you willfully misunderstanding?

Of course the parents don't join in, it's exactly the same as going to watch a nativity

Once everyone has gone into the venue the parents go home. It's not embarrassing for the students in the least, they want their parents their to see them arriving in their transport, as Ive said it's part of the whole event

Unless the other posters who are saying the same as me all have children at the same school as mine (clearly not the case) this is a totally normal thing in many places

Frankly I think this is a situation where you need to follow your daughter’s lead.

If she’s okay with you not going, fair enough. If she isn’t, I’d suck it up as she only has one prom.

Exactly this. It’s not ‘muscling in’ on their kids proms as some posters seem to think. You stand behind barriers, watch everyone arriving, maybe take photos of your kids with others that they weren’t getting ready with if they ask you to, chat to other parents and teachers. It’s a huge thing in my kids school, and yes, they absolutely want their parents or other family members there. Then, when prom officially starts, ie the kids are allowed inside the venue, parents leave. They aren’t in there loading up at the buffet 🙄

I was so busy gawping at a stretch limousine that I didn't even notice my son and his girlfriend arrive in their car - they were just behind it.
You have more special moments when they first put on their clothes and pose. Arriving at the Prom, everything happens so quick, out of the car, quick pose for the official picture then they disappear.

The whole prom thing is fascinating. Did it come from social media? 30 years ago we had an end of year party but it was just that, a celebratory party. We didn’t call it a prom and it was organised completely by the students, nothing to do with school. It was basically just a birthday party without a birthday person. I’m curious how these things are now traditions when they didn’t exist a generation before.

OP- I’d go. She’s your DD and I wouldn’t miss out on the experience. Just ignore them and enjoy the moment.

@ApoposReally?. I've lived here (WA) for nealy 20 yrs & 3 of my kids have had their prom. I've never been aware of parents going to prom. Maybe they just don't do it in my area

It’s an American thing that has now taken off over here. My kids school have been doing it for at least 12 years, it’s a huge thing within the community. I just had a leaving assembly when I left school 30 years ago! It was certainly a lot cheaper….

Same at my DC's school.
Photos and wave them off, chauffeur drives slowly so you can get there first and see them arrive
More Photos with their mates
Parents leave
Some parents go back to ferry them to after party
Other parents pick up from after party and drop everyone home

Clearly vastly different depending on the area. Where we are kids get to the Prom on public transport and it's all very low key and generally a bit naff. I may have taken a quick snap of him in is suit but that's it.

He has the 6th form Prom coming up I've not heard of any big plans, I don't know where it is even!

Jeeze, it’s like an episode of Amandaland!

All mine had photos taken at home before they left for prom and posh transport with their friends. Quite honestly I've never heard of parents going to prom not grandparents. I find it very odd. It's your DD day not yours or grandparents day.

My question is why are the GPs going? Is it because they have a relationship with her and she wants them there?

If the answer to the above is yes, I would keep my distance but go. My parents are divorced and it got really messy. If you mention each others names in their vicinity you can feel the daggers in the air. My mum didn’t come to my wedding as I refused to take any particular side. But it cut me deeply that she couldn’t put her feelings aside and focus on this being my day.

Now I know that posters will say wedding is different to prom, but in a 16 year old’s life the prom is the biggest deal going right now.

I think this is properly sad. A big night to celebrate with friends and not only do your parents hang around, but your grandparents?!

Families really need to let these young adults live a little.

It’s interesting how different schools do it. Here it’s a big event. Held at a stadium, around 500 kids in the year, lots of money spent on tickets, dresses, suits, hair, transport. School actively encourages parents to see the kids arriving, even those living nearby who don’t have kids at the school will rock up for a look at the procession.
Sixth form prom is more low key but parents are still aware where it is and when as they’re the ones paying on the school payment system and getting email updates.

I'm not going to my daughter's prom 🤷‍♀️ I have a work event that day so she's going to her friends' house to get ready and they will go get their hair done and go to the prom together

This, do what you want @omgwhys just don’t be dramatic martyr and ruin her prom

That must be new Not something that happened at my kids schools