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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m not going to daughters prom

60 replies

omgwhys · 14/06/2026 16:35

My daughters prom next week.
I had her at 16 myself we’ve grown up together really

she’s got a beautiful dress, hair being done just everything really spoilt her she deserves it.
the tradition is parents drive to the prom to see their children off and take photos etc.

I’ve decided not to go to this. My reason is my parents are going. (Her grandparents) I have nothing to do with them due to being treated badly as a child really badly. We don’t speak I had to cut them off for my own mental health. They have always spoilt my daughter and and undermined me.

i can’t see them at the prom I will mentally spiral and it’s not good for me. It’s also my baby’s day and I don’t want spoil it for her with bad energy. I wish my parents would just fuck off if I’m honest.

OP posts:
DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 16:38

It's a weird idea anyway, following children around.

It's more common for photos to be taken at home, outside the home and in front of the posh transport.

Bushmillsbabe · 14/06/2026 16:39

That sounds really tough if that's the expected thing in your area. I thought parents generally took photo before they left home and they went with their friends/boyfriend?

How come your parents are going?

How does your DD feel about this? I completely get your reasons for not going, but does she understand? You are in an impossible position really- she may feel sad you aren't going, but also respect that you don't want any drama to take away from her special event

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/06/2026 16:41
Incredulous Come On GIF by Almost Christmas Movie

Lorelai Gilmore, is that you?

mondaytosunday · 14/06/2026 16:43

Gosh none of us parents went to our kids proms. For my son a relative of his GF had a fleet of cool cars and they took them all from the pre party. For my DD one of the parents hired a vintage car to take her and four friends.
As her grandparents are going there’s no need for you to go. Good that you are prioritising the day for your daughter.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/06/2026 16:43

I have nothing to do with them due to being treated badly as a child really badly. We don’t speak I had to cut them off for my own mental health. They have always spoilt my daughter and and undermined me

How do they have a relationship with your dd?
Does your dd know about them and why you are nc?

Yanbu BTW...

BMW58 · 14/06/2026 16:44

Does your DD want her GP's to be there?

MermaidEyes · 14/06/2026 16:46

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 16:38

It's a weird idea anyway, following children around.

It's more common for photos to be taken at home, outside the home and in front of the posh transport.

At our school it’s very common for parents to stand outside the venue, it’s mainly just to see all the weird and wonderful vehicles kids arrive in and the different outfits everyone is wearing. Takes about an hour for everyone to arrive, there’s usually a massive procession of cars, and the school take photos as everyone is getting out. When the students are allowed into the venue then parents leave.

Guidanceplease20 · 14/06/2026 16:50

I didnt go with my son. Him and his mates decided it was all too commercialised and met up and walked there together! In the end, the idea took off, and there were about 15 of them, mainly lads but some girls, and all with parents pleased they didnt have to pay big bucks for cars. Living in a small town with a prom in the local hotel, all of this was easy for them to do.

Apparantly they had a great arrival and reception - but I was barred from going as it would ruin their independent vibe!

happygreenscissors · 14/06/2026 16:50

How can your parents be so included in your own daughter's life if you don't even speak with them?

Jo7890123 · 14/06/2026 16:51

One of my kids went in a limo hired with friends, the other i dropped off and left, as did all their mates parents - try not to see it as a big deal, youll be there to help her get ready and take pictures of her, that you and she can look back on. I really doubt the grandparents will be allowed to stay beyond watching them go in anyway. Think of all the lovely times youve shared, and will share, with the DD you've raised, have a chilled evening doing something you enjoy, be kind to yourself and just let it go

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 16:56

MermaidEyes · 14/06/2026 16:46

At our school it’s very common for parents to stand outside the venue, it’s mainly just to see all the weird and wonderful vehicles kids arrive in and the different outfits everyone is wearing. Takes about an hour for everyone to arrive, there’s usually a massive procession of cars, and the school take photos as everyone is getting out. When the students are allowed into the venue then parents leave.

Show quote history

I'd hate that.

Honestly, is there nothing pushy parents won't get themselves in on?

If they want to see the transport arriving, they can see it in the 100s of videos that will start circulating the second the kids get out of the car.

PicaK · 14/06/2026 16:59

That is such a shame. There was a real carnival atmosphere at my son's prom arrival. Do you have friends who can come with and shield you. If not then give her the best send off. I bought blow up Prom 2025 balloons off amazon and they were worth every penny

Arlanymor · 14/06/2026 17:01

I don't know anyone - grandparents or parents - who went to their child's prom. They had a bit of 'do' at home before the child left and then literally left them to enjoy the night with their friends. Is this normal in your area? I've never heard of it, but willing to be told it is common elsewhere... although at the same time seems weird. Not a rite of passage you need your family at surely? Take a photo at home and off they go, without you - unless you're a chaperone at the event itself.

Flamingojune · 14/06/2026 17:03

Weird idea

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:04

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 16:38

It's a weird idea anyway, following children around.

It's more common for photos to be taken at home, outside the home and in front of the posh transport.

Not in .my experience, parents going to the prom venue and taking photos is very much a part of the whole evening

I haven't done as much research as you have (my sample size is single figures ) but I can safely say there's no universal way that educational establishments do proms

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:06

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 16:56

I'd hate that.

Honestly, is there nothing pushy parents won't get themselves in on?

If they want to see the transport arriving, they can see it in the 100s of videos that will start circulating the second the kids get out of the car.

Show quote history

So we should experience life through videos on social media? That's such a sad way to be imo, whats odd about parents/grandparents actually wanting to be real

Ponderingwindow · 14/06/2026 17:06

the Students descend on local photo parks for photos between leaving home and arriving at prom. The parents always attend the photo sessions by us. It’s absolutely crazy, but it’s really fun to see all the kids all dressed up and excited.

im sorry you are missing a milestone with your daughter.

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 14/06/2026 17:07

How is she getting there? You can take the photos at home before she leaves -that’s what most parents do. Where I live, most parents don’t take their DC to prom or if they do, it would only be one parent (the driver) in the car. The rest arrive by limo, classic car, tractor, shopping trolley etc or on foot. The main purpose of turning up to join the crowd is to see everyone else turning up in weird and wonderful forms of transport. You don’t actually spend time with your child once you’re there.

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 17:08

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:06

So we should experience life through videos on social media? That's such a sad way to be imo, whats odd about parents/grandparents actually wanting to be real

Show quote history

It's not yours to experience for goodness sake, it's your kid's prom!!

Just leave them alone to enjoy it.

Honestly, I've never heard anything so ridiculous as parents following them there to get in on their kid's experience.

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:12

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 17:08

It's not yours to experience for goodness sake, it's your kid's prom!!

Just leave them alone to enjoy it.

Honestly, I've never heard anything so ridiculous as parents following them there to get in on their kid's experience.

Show quote history

As I said above, your children clearly didn't go to the same schools as mine or schools in my area

Here it is absolutely part of the whole evening that parents go the venue to watch the arrivals, take photos, chat to friends they might not see for a while

There can't be any part for that that you can't understand surely

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/06/2026 17:12

What does DD want?

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:14

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 14/06/2026 17:07

How is she getting there? You can take the photos at home before she leaves -that’s what most parents do. Where I live, most parents don’t take their DC to prom or if they do, it would only be one parent (the driver) in the car. The rest arrive by limo, classic car, tractor, shopping trolley etc or on foot. The main purpose of turning up to join the crowd is to see everyone else turning up in weird and wonderful forms of transport. You don’t actually spend time with your child once you’re there.

Exactly, you don't go to be with your child, you go to be part of the whole event

I wonder if there's an urban/rural divide as play here

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 17:18

Honestly I'm shocked that parents muscle in on their kid's long awaited proms like this.

Victoria Beckham eat your heart out!

Krevlornswath · 14/06/2026 17:23

Why are her grandparents attending if you are no contact and the tradition is that parents drive there and take photos?

I appreciate it is difficult but I would take photos beforehand, drive her there and drop her off as expected. She can then go to find her grandparents if she wishes without you needing to see them, if the tradition is as important as you say. As there will be a large crowd there I am sure it's possible to attend briefly without needing to see or speak to anyone you don't want to see.

busyd4y · 14/06/2026 17:30

DameOfThrones · 14/06/2026 17:18

Honestly I'm shocked that parents muscle in on their kid's long awaited proms like this.

Victoria Beckham eat your heart out!

You really, really need to get out more if the thought of parents standing in the open air to see their children do something that everyone in the school community has done since proms began is shocking to you

Whats you're problem with different schools doing different things?

Comapring it to Victoria Beckham is absurd

Did you go to other milestone school events in your children's lives (if you have children and they are of school age) Nativity play? Music concert?