Would it be odd for cousins to use different grandparent names?

[Readinginthegarden]

My SIL (husbands sister) had her children first and picked the grandparent names for MIL & FIL. Her friend came up with them as a joke but SIL thought it was really funny and went with it.

DH & I think the names are awful especially seeing as it was a random friend who made them up! My in laws haven’t said anything to us about it but do roll their eyes about it all.

Anyway I’m expecting my first baby and DH would much prefer to go down the more traditional route of Granny & Grandpa.

Would it be odd if our child called the grandparents something different to their cousins ? I’ve never come across anyone being called different names and worry it wil be weird as family get togethers.

Not at all, the different sets of cousins in our family call their grandparents by different names.

Yabu to think you get to dictate this, generally your child will call them what they want to call them.

It's totally fine to use different names. My siblings and I used Grandma [first name] and Grandad [first name] whereas my cousins used Granny and Grandpa. Even when we saw them as a group we did this and it was never an issue. It's only like someone using a different nickname for you compared to your full name.

Of course not. I wouldn't be forced into using names you don't like just because someone else does, especially if the grandparents themselves haven't requested it or made it clear they love those names.

Yes, witnessed other’s siblings calling shared grandparents different names. Witnessed many children inventing words as the familiar name.

My SIL's children call her parents a different name than what my dc do. They have a mixed heritage and use names from BILL'S culture rather than British culture. Nobody has ever really noticed or commented on it.
What do your PIL want to be called?

This exists in my family, me and my sisters refer to my grandad with one name and my younger cousins all use another name. Never been an issue tbh

How about you all just leave it to the children and the grandparents. Maybe they would like to be called my their actual names!

It's fine for cousins to use different names. On my children's paternal side their grandmother was called Nanny/Nan by her other grandchildren, but I swore no child of mine would ever call their grandma that so she was called Granny by my children. She was a bit funny to start with but then it was never mentioned again.

The thing about leaving it to the grandchildren is that you refer to the grandparents (and others) long before the child can speak. ('Do you want to hug Granny goodbye?' 'Look, Grandpa has something for you.') It's normal to come up with a name for the grandparents or for them to introduce a name themselves. It's not like you're refusing to let the children express themselves if/when the time comes.

C’est normale.
we have grandparents of different nationalities and cultures.

My cousins called our grandparents a nickname that sounded nothing like any abbreviation or form of a traditional grandparent name. Eg, think instead of grandma they would call them ‘po’

that’s their thing, the rest of us called them grandma and grandpa. It never crossed my mind as being weird that all of us cousins gave them different names. We all knew what we all meant, and it never caused any confusion.

also, I thought it was common thing to call the different sets of grandparents on different sides of the family, different names. so for instance, if your husbands parents were known as grandma and grandpa to your children, your parents would be different; like nanny and grandad. So that you could differentiate in general conversation.

Hope that makes sense what Im trying to say as it’s not very succinct! lol

What on earth does it matter who calls what grandparents what name ?

How would that work in reality? Most children learn to talk by listening to the people around them speaking. A child wouldn’t decide that they want to call the sun ‘potato salad’. They call it tue sun because they hear their parents talk about the sun. Should the op avoid saying ‘here’s granny’ and ‘let’s go to granny’s house’ until the child decides what they want to call granny?

Why don’t the grandparents get to decide what they are called? We asked both sets of grandparents what they wanted to be called before the first grandchild, it was not up to me and DH to decide what they wanted to be called

This is fine OP.

😆

We have this with a great grandma. My cousin’s son mispronounced her name and his parents and grandparents thought it was funny, but it really grinds my dad’s gears so my children call the same great grandma her actual name.

Don't be silly. Of course if you refer to them as granny and grandpa, then the child will call them that, or a version of that, which may or may not stick. You might end up with GaGa or something, but if you say granny, the child isn't going to suddenly decide to call her grandmother MeeMaw.

Also, do most people not ask the grandparents what they would like to be called and go with that, assuming it's reasonable?

What a weird thing to swear

It’s fine to use different names but I think you should also ask the grandparents whether they want to be a nanny or a granny /grandad or grandpa. Normally they have a preference too.

I bet you're a joy of a daughter in law. Why wouldn't you respect what someone wants to be called when it's entirely benign?

OP - I think it's actually the grandparents choice... what would they prefer to be called?

It’s fine: mine called my MIL Granny, and their younger cousins called her Grandma. We did ask her first and she said she was happy with anything except Granny ‘Surname’.

I had children first and did just this (asked my parents what they wanted to be called) but my brother still decided to use different names for them when he had children.
It annoyed me at first because I had asked them and my mum specifically had asked NOT to be called the name he uses.

But she didn't want to "cause a fuss" by
saying anything and in the end it has been ok to have different names even when we are altogether.
I still find it grating tbh but there are bigger problems in the wotld.