Does anyone else feel like they are flatlining?
I’m 43, married 21 years, two kids aged 7 & 12. Own a modest semi-detached house in a fairly respectable area. Both of us work full time professional jobs. Kids stable, happy. I haven’t been able to progress my career since having kids but I’m ok financially.
Marriage is ok. Nothing toxic. Not much in the way of passion but we’ve been together pretty much half my lifetime. Got with DH when I was 22. So on paper we look like we’re succeeding at “life” but I feel slightly dead inside. I feel like something is missing, I haven’t got much of a spark for anything. I work hard (we both do) but I’m not going anywhere in my career where I am. I’ve just stayed there because it’s steady, pays an ok wage £36,000. DH earns more than me, about £56,000.
I suppose DH and I are good friends who occasionally have sex. But I don’t really feel that we have much of a spark between us these days. Kids are good, doing well at school. Happy in their worlds. But I feel too young to feel a little bit dead inside.
Is this “it” now? I’ve worked my ass off to get here as well - to get this job, to buy this house, to have a stable family and a stable marriage. Which makes me really irritated with myself because after all this time, here I am wondering whether my investments are making me happy.
I give a lot at home, to my kids, to DH. He’s 46. But he is already very stuck in his ways - he is a good friend and companion but he doesn’t seek ways to expand himself or explore the future or what that could look like. I am beginning to feel (in the last year particularly) that I am beginning to want more out of life, and he has slowed down. I feel ready to explore, grow, try new things and think about going to some different places with the family. He’s just not bothered. There’s no passion there from him. He’ll chug along but it’s always me bringing the ideas, the fresh perspectives on things like holidays, meals out.
His conversation is….I hate to say………limited. “What have we got for dinner? Can I have a go on the washing machine?” I can’t remember the last time he attempted to start a discussion about something interesting.
If I suggest a walk he’ll say “You’re going out are you?” I think he finds himself highly amusing when he says this but it gets very wearing after a while.
I don’t know what I’m asking. I suppose is there anyone else out there in a similar boat? I feel too young to want to maintain a mundane status quo for the rest of my life. It is not a satisfying existence TBH.