Not to try to salvage a relationship with my sister after years of disagreements about us being landlords?

[MoreProblems]

Over the last 15 years we have bought a few houses that we’ve rented out. My sister and BIL have made it known that they despise landlords and that they think we are terrible people for profiting from this. We have largely ignored their comments as we didn’t want to argue.

We started selling the houses about 5 years ago to fund a house move and to pay for our kids going to uni. My sister and BIL decided that was a good thing but that we were also still bad for having other properties. We couldn’t win so didn’t say much, just that it’s none of their business. They regularly bring it up and have a go at us.We have 2 houses left which we plan on selling and giving our children the money from to purchase their first homes.

My sister and BIL had a few drinks with us last night and really ranted at us, calling us selfish and out for ourselves because they said we are making people homeless yet again. I said I thought she’d be pleased that we would no longer be landlords but apparently not.

My partner eventually told them to leave, called them an uber and we haven’t heard from them since. He says he’s finished with them and that we have taken enough from them about this and other things in our life they don’t agree with. They do things we don’t agree with but we have never commented. It’s like every time we see them they are angry and have to criticise us. I am inclined to agree with my partner as I’m tired of it, but at the same time she’s my sister.

Would you bother to try to salvage the relationship or would you think enough now? I have tried to keep a relationship with her and have let a lot go in past years.

YABU - try to keep a relationship with her

YANBU - the relationship is over

have made it known that they despise landlords and that they think we are terrible people for profiting from this. We have largely ignored their comments as we didn’t want to argue.
Easy to say in hindsight but I'd have nipped that in the bud long ago.

There seem to have been an awful lot of threads recently which invite criticism of landlords.

Initially I’d do nothing. See what happens. If she gets in touch then what to do depends on how she behaves. What I definitely wouldn’t do is reach out to her. She’s the one behaving badly not you.

If I said that my sister and I have fallen out over something that she’s criticised me about for years, to keep it vague, people would say they couldn’t answer without knowing what it was about. I’m a landlord so wouldn’t want to be criticised for being one or invite criticism for other landlords. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The thread is really about my relationship with my sister and whether I do anything now or not.

We did start saying it’s none of their business and we didn’t want to talk about it but they bring it up a lot.

They don’t need to be like this though? It’s rude, they’ve said it once, you don’t agree, you’re not going to change your mind, surely they’d just let it lie? Personally I believe it is morally reprehensible to hoard more resources than you need, stripping housing stock, and making money of an essential like housing. I live in Devon where second homes and air B&Bs are pushing people away from their small communities, leading to lack of staff in hospitality retail and care. However I’m not a twat to my friends and family who don’t believe this and own BTL property or air B&Bs /holiday lets. I chose to invest my money in other ways, and volunteer at a local tenancy advisory centre, and CAB to support the housing crisis in the best way I can rather than berating people I love.

Fair enough. They do some things I’d class as morally reprehensible, but like you, I don’t berate them for it, I help in other ways.

Most people do, we don’t exist in isolation and we can’t get things right all the time. You soind like you became landlords because it was what you felt was the best use of your money, to maximise support for yourselves in later lives and to give your children support in early adulthood. I see why you did it, especially in an economic climate that doesn’t really support our young adults or our aging selves there’s clear logic there.

Your sister is being an arse, I’d let her cool off for a wee while, see if she gets in touch with you.

is there a big drip feed incoming where she’s a low income carer for a disabled family member or something and they’re forced into an unsuitable rental or priced out of your home town to somewhere miles away from work /family /support etc and that’s why it feels so dreadful that your a LL?

This is a personal and serious decision, I don't think you should do what a message board says when we haven't met either of you. I'd probably sit on it for a bit and not make an immediate decison.

I probably wouldn't end it over the landlord thing alone, but maybe for the total picture.

Thanks. The sad thing is that I don’t think she will contact me. She’s known for being stubborn, her friends say it too. She had an argument with our brother 20 years ago about something really trivial and they just didn’t bother contacting each other again. My brother was in the right and she overstepped. I think they could have made up but as they both just didn’t bother, they just don’t talk

There is no drip feed. They own a home and both work in jobs they like. Their children are happy at university.

Jealous.
Is she driven by your Bil?
Maybe let the dust settle them suggest to meet her for a coffee?
Some folk can't see the wood for the trees....

Some people do fall out with a lot of others because they can't just keep their criticisms to themselves. It sounds like your sister is one of those people as she has already fallen out with her brother but still didn't learn to value the relationships she has.

My sister in law is the same so I sympathise - she has fallen out with so many people it's untrue - even her own siblings and parents.

I don't agree with landlords but equally, I wouldn't fall out with a friend or sibling about it, in fact I haven't even expressed my dislike of landlords to friends/a sibling who own second properties.

Your dilemma is a difficult one. But what can you do? Not apologise surely - you weren't the ones to cause the argument. I would keep quiet and leave the ball in her court to apologise. You say you don't think she will but that is her choice. I couldn't apologise to someone who had been rude to me and my partner so repeatedly - not even a sister.

This isn't about you being a LL really, your DSis just thinks she's always right, look how long she's ignored your brother over something trivial. I'm afraid you may love your Dsis but she's never going to change, life might be quieter without her

Yes. Saying you disagree with someone’s decision to do something is one thing (albeit none of your business, so I probably wouldn’t) but banging on about it whenever you meet is quite another. Jealousy, probably.

Personally, I wouldn't contact her again, however, I'm going to guess that she'll blame all this on your husband - how dare he kick them out! - and she won't make the first move to contact you., and probably expect you to apologise.

She sounds very envious and I’m not surprised - you’ve done really well OP! Say nothing but start to go NC in your head and feel the anxiety subside. Have this Christmas without them.

They have the right to not agree with landlords owning multiple properties. I agree with them on this.

However, constantly ranting about it when they are in your company is not acceptable. It is just rude and immature.

I would put a stop to their drama and not make any effort to re-establish contact with them.

Hopefully they will see sense and apologise for the outbursts, but if they don't you won't have to deal with their aggression anymore.

If she has a history of falling out with people and not being able to self-reflect, it is best to distance yourself anyway.

I would give it a few years. Send Birthday and Christmas cards/messages but nothing else proactive. Make excuses if she invites you anywhere for a while. If she asks if you're avoiding her tell her, as nicely as you can. that you're just tired of having her rant at you and you're cooling things off for a while.

Then in a few years time, maybe meet up, see if things are any better.

I agree with PPs, she’s / they’re jealous.

I’d of fucked then off a long time ago

of course the world doesn’t need bad LL just like it doesn’t need bad tenants but it’s absolutely ridiculous to thing everyone could or even want to own there home .
ironically there kids are at uni wonder where they would of lived if there was no LL

id welcome the fact she wants nothing to do with you trying to to mend this will validate she right and your in the wrong ( your not )

They're two terrible people - why would you want them in your life?

If I were you I wouldn't bother with either of them ever again.

Clear the air. Just tell her that she does things that you don’t approve of, but you haven’t made a thing of it because you care about her feelings. Then tell her calmly what they all are and ask as gently as you can how she’d feel if EVERY time you saw her you brought them up and had a go at her.

@MoreProblemsAll these people who don’t agree with landlords! Where do they think people would live without them? It is, of course, a legitimate business. it’s not as if the government has housed everyone is it?

Essentially your dsis and her DH don't actually like you enough to respect you! We undoubtedly all make decisions in life some people don’t think we should, but we prefer to stay friends because our relationship is deeper than that. Unfortunately your dsis is shallow and her politics is stronger than her need for a relationship with you. It’s immature but I would now just leave her to it. Your DH was correct. It’s not acceptable to behave like that in your house and sometimes, years of tiptoeing around someone just has to stop. You might find it’s a relief to just be yourself.

Doubt pointing out the sister's shortcomings will help. People like that only think judgements go one way - from them to you.

It's quite narcissistic if you think about it - to think your own behaviour is so perfect you can tell others how to live their lives.