To think there’s nothing I can do?

[naanbreadforaxel]

Ex-dp has decided he wants 50/50 custody , so he doesn’t have to pay child support. Great, no problem.

he wants to start with week on/ week off, with hand over being a sunday afternoon.

now here’s the AIBU. His weeks will consist of the kids stopping with his new gf of 3 months (they don’t yet live together) and he will see them around his shift work. She will do school runs/meals/bed times he’s not there.

am I right in thinking there’s nothing I can do about this? Everyone I have spoke to have said they wouldn’t be having it or be happy about it and should put a stop to it. To me It’s not right the kids being cared for by another person if their mother is available, but that’s their fathers choice?

It sounds like you quite want this to happen though Op.

Not at all. I wasn’t entirely happy with the previous custody/ visitation agreement and have already had one sitting of mediation. He wouldn’t even talk to me at that appointment via zoom, so most of that meeting was the mediator going back and forth passing on messages, so nothing got resolved. We have another appointment later this month which I am not sure he will attend. For anything to go to court’s mediation has to be tried first, so I am currently in the process, unfortunately it’s not very fast.

What kind of a woman will agree to this? Is she an aupair he got himself involved with?

At least with the ages of your children they will be able to express their wishes and feelings bro the Court via CAFCASS.

Send him an extremely detailed proposed schedule.. Include after school clubs /dentist /Dr /hairdresser /parties /library trips /play dates /detail clothes /shoes sizes as he would be expected to provide these things in his time . Tech also.. As the dc won't be carrying them back /forwards at risk of damage. Suggest he logs the agreement with his solicitor so yours can agree and have iy drawn up as a proper agreement..
Watch him backtrack.

Take him to court is how you challenge it. This is in his best interests not the children’s. The courts don't care about his interests only the children’s

My goodness I would have hated this arrangement as a child. It’s not fair on them to be left with a stranger

One with very low self-esteem and poor boundaries.

I would have done handover in a Monday, so one drops off at school and the other picks up.

Yes - but also remember he has equal PR and as the OP also doesn’t have a court order she has no more right to any custody than he does.

a court order so always worth it

So if you do 50/50 is the expectation that there is one set of everything at each house… like school uniform etc or will he expect you to send everything for his week ?