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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum tried to steal my gold - wwyd?

54 replies

Zaina89 · 13/06/2026 19:13

So my mum stayed over last night to babysit the kids.
I was making dinner and took my gold bangles off ( they are 24ct Asian gold so they are worth a lot) I assumed as it was just me,my husband, my mum and the kids at home it would be fine. I have 2 bangles, 2 rings and left them on the kitchen worktop.

my mum never helps with cleaning, but she was all of a sudden wiping down the worktop on that side of the kitchen, now looking back have quite a big kitchen and she only cleaned that part. I told her to leave it and asked her what she was doing and she went “ oh it’s fine I’m helping”

the place I left my bangles aren’t easy to reach, my kids wouldn’t touch them either. My mum and husband were getting ready as my husband was going to drop my mum off at the train station when I suddenly noticed one of my bangles were missing, everything else was still there. I suddenly got this horrible feeling,
i know my mum struggles with money, is constantly asking me to borrow money and I’m always helping her, I had this horrible feeling she’d took it, at this moment in time she was on the stairs putting her shoes on.

and I shouted to my husband saying no one’s leaving the house until my bangle was found.
my mum kept shouting from the stairs “ oh maybe the baby’s took it” but she’s not tall enough to reach the worktop.
I said again that no one was going anywhere till it was found and suddenly my older daughter was coming down the stairs and found the bangle behind my mum where she was putting her shoes on.

I looked at my husband and automatically knew she’d tried to take it and only put it down on the stairs because I said no one was leaving until it was found.

I feel like this is the last straw with my mum and this is unforgivable. No matter how much she’s struggling it’s not an excuse. I always do my best to help her and she was stealing from me.

wwyd? Is it time to put my distance with her now?

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · 13/06/2026 21:25

PJ98 · 13/06/2026 21:17

I wouldn't see her anymore, if I'm honest. She's even stolen from your children. Where do you draw the line?

I agree with this. She’s stolen from your DC, her own DGC. It’s time to have a think about how much of her appalling behaviour you’re prepared to put up with and what example that’s giving your DC.

If you do put in boundaries like no more handouts and no more visits to your home do expect some kick back. My own “D”M’s went hard in the Flying Monkey tactic till she realised it didn’t work.

ExplodingSmittens · 14/06/2026 09:25

@PJ98have you had a think overnight about what you might do? Flowers

Original poster
Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 12:59

I asked my mum and she’s admitted it but said she couldn’t go through with it because the guilt was “killing her”
I know in my heart she only put it down to be found because I’d noticed it was missing.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 14/06/2026 13:04

Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 12:59

I asked my mum and she’s admitted it but said she couldn’t go through with it because the guilt was “killing her”
I know in my heart she only put it down to be found because I’d noticed it was missing.

what did you say after that? Hopefully something along the lines of

You’ve really broken my trust…
You understand this means I don’t want you in the house any more…
Do you need to work more hours if you are struggling financially?

How old is she?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 14/06/2026 13:10

That's awful OP, I would not want to have her in my house again. I grew up in a house where things were stolen from me regularly and now I'm an adult I can make sure I don't live like that again.

Tablesandchairs23 · 14/06/2026 13:53

She wouldn't be welcome in my house again. Stop giving her money. She needs to learn to budget.

BillieWiper · 14/06/2026 14:03

How can she be so desperate and morally bankrupt? It screams class A drug, alcohol or gambling addiction?! Or all 3.

She must have access to benefits? She could use food banks? Where is all her money going?

I'd ban her from my house. The fact you say she stole from your kids makes me think the bangle thing must have been her.

Did she steal things when you were growing up? Did your family live in poverty then?

thepariscrimefiles · 14/06/2026 14:06

Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 12:59

I asked my mum and she’s admitted it but said she couldn’t go through with it because the guilt was “killing her”
I know in my heart she only put it down to be found because I’d noticed it was missing.

You say that she's a cleaner. Do you think that she would ever steal from her clients? She sound fundamentally dishonest and greedy so it wouldn't surprise me. She has even stolen from her grandchildren so I wouldn't put anything past her. She's lucky that she was just barred from the shops she stole from rather than getting a criminal record and potentially going to prison.

Would you ever consider not inviting her to your home any more? You can't trust her and you will always be on tenterhooks waiting for her to ask for money or to steal from you or your children behind your backs.

Larrythecatforpm · 14/06/2026 14:06

I wouldn’t have her in your home anymore. If she was that desperate she should of just asked you!

Ethelspagetti · 14/06/2026 14:17

now she’s admitted it I’d say, I feel like I cannot trust you in my home anymore. I wouldn’t let her in my house from now on, I’d visit her. I certainly wouldn’t be giving her any money. I wouldn’t mind dropping off some food but nothing else.

TFImBackIn · 14/06/2026 14:37

If she was still nervous afterwards I wonder whether she'd taken something else.

Createausername1970 · 14/06/2026 14:54

If I were in your situation I might decide not to do say anything directly, but I would definitely be pulling back from lending her any more money.

Two of your siblings still live at home, so I might speak to them and say I can't afford to keep bailing her out as I have my own household to fund.

Perhaps they might be better placed to try to step in rather than you trying to support her from a distance.

Marmalademorning · 14/06/2026 14:59

Thats not the sort of thing any decent mum would do. You deserve better OP.

Yogabearmous · 14/06/2026 15:01

I wouldn’t have her on my house again and I would tell her clearly why. It’s a new type of low to steal from your own children and grandchildren.

TheWonderhorse · 14/06/2026 15:04

Of course YANBU but your mother sounds a bit like mine. Bipolar diagnosis. DM doesn't steal from me but the relentless shopping and the inability to budget sounds incredibly familiar. Is she erratic in other ways?

ChaToilLeam · 14/06/2026 16:19

I wouldn't allow her in the house ever again. Stealing from you is bad enough but stealing from her grandchildren? That's really low. No more handouts either. She sounds appalling.

outerspacepotato · 14/06/2026 16:28

Your mother steals from you and her grandkids. Stealing your kids' money is financial child abuse.

Stop enabling it by having her in your home at all. It's time for consequences to her thieving. At the very least, don't have her in your home at all. She's banned because she's stolen from you and the kids

Her free babysitting isn't so free when she steals your jewelry and your kids' money.

ExplodingSmittens · 14/06/2026 16:32

Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 12:59

I asked my mum and she’s admitted it but said she couldn’t go through with it because the guilt was “killing her”
I know in my heart she only put it down to be found because I’d noticed it was missing.

I think your gut feeling is right. I think that if you hadn’t have noticed it was missing at the time she would have sold your precious bangle and kept quiet whilst you frantically searched for it.

How many people live at her home? If it’s her and two adult brothers then £60 a day is really steep. We’ve just done a weeks shopping for 3 adults, breakfasts, lunches and tea and it’s come in at less than £80 and that includes cleaning products.

Has she ever sought help for her debts? Do you think her minimum payments are now unmanageable and the Creditors are getting more insistent?

In which case, the absolute last thing that you should do is to give her more money. She needs free, specialist advice on how to deal with her debts as the advice will change, depending on which assets she has.

The free ones recommended are usually Stepchange, Cap UK and Citizens Advice.

If she’s shoplifting, having a wage albeit small, money from you and money from your brothers are you sure there is no addiction?

Home

Struggling with debt or worried about money? At CAP we offer free, confidential debt help, budgeting support and advice through local UK based churches.

https://capuk.org/

Ladybyrd · 14/06/2026 16:34

That is really shitty.

WilfredsPies · 14/06/2026 16:40

If this has been happening your whole life, and she’s refusing to listen to budgeting advice, then she’s clearly never going to change and you know that she’s going to steal again from you, your DH and your children. The only person who can stop her doing this to you, is you.

I would never have her in my home again. Not even if I was watching her like a hawk. Get your brothers involved; if they’re giving her money for food, they’ll be aware if the cupboards are empty. She’s their mum too, this shouldn’t just be on your shoulders.

Original poster
Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 20:30

She told me she did it because she’s jealous of me, that she wanted to see how I would react when I realized it was missing.
that she never would have sold it but she wanted to know what it would would feel like to hold something like that.
she literally told me she’s jealous of me and I get “everything given to me”

I still don’t believe for a second if I wouldn’t have noticed it was missing she would have took it and sold it regardless of how many times she said she couldn’t do it because the guilt was killing her.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 14/06/2026 22:27

Oh OP this must be tough.

Can you speak to your brothers about this. If more money is needed, as the other adults in the house they should step up and pay more rent. Or move out if feeding them is causing her problems.

Marmalademorning · 14/06/2026 22:43

Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 20:30

She told me she did it because she’s jealous of me, that she wanted to see how I would react when I realized it was missing.
that she never would have sold it but she wanted to know what it would would feel like to hold something like that.
she literally told me she’s jealous of me and I get “everything given to me”

I still don’t believe for a second if I wouldn’t have noticed it was missing she would have took it and sold it regardless of how many times she said she couldn’t do it because the guilt was killing her.

To be honest OP, I’d find those words more hurtful than the act of steeling, and I would be devastated in my own mum said something like that to me. You deserve so much better. This woman isn’t a mother. She’s just related to you. Don’t give her anymore of your emotional energy.

outerspacepotato · 14/06/2026 22:45

Zaina89 · 14/06/2026 20:30

She told me she did it because she’s jealous of me, that she wanted to see how I would react when I realized it was missing.
that she never would have sold it but she wanted to know what it would would feel like to hold something like that.
she literally told me she’s jealous of me and I get “everything given to me”

I still don’t believe for a second if I wouldn’t have noticed it was missing she would have took it and sold it regardless of how many times she said she couldn’t do it because the guilt was killing her.

Why do you care what she says? It's just bullshit. She's a thief and a liar and she's not going to change. Keep her away from your home and your kids.

bigboykitty · 14/06/2026 22:55

OP you challenged her, she admitted she took it, then she lied again immediately. You know she only coughed it up because of what you said and not at all because she felt guilty. I also don't believe she's jealous of you. She has a compulsive spending problem and is nowhere near to admitting it. I think I'd cut contact. Stealing from your child and grandchildren is horrendous. If that's too big a step for you, I'd go very low contact. I'd meet her for a cup of tea in a cafe. She wouldn't see my children again or set foot in my house. I feel really sad that she's done this to you.

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