Is this a fair divide when it comes to Carer's Allowance?

[SunsetOnTheHorizon]

Mother has four siblings that support her with her daily and weekly tasks including emotional and mental support. We have been supporting ever since I can remember but recently one subling applied for carers allowance as she is now on eligible benefits.

Now, this particular sibling is noticeably more involved in my mom's daily issues. Making and canceling appointments, taking her to them, taking her shopping, walking, and anything else. It also includes daily conversations, helping her with her mental health, and if an emergency occurs - she's the 1st one there. The other 3 siblings also help out but not as much. It's more as and when. Once a week or once a fortnight. But when these other siblings take my mum out - mum ensures they are given petrol money.

Now the other siblings have kicked up a fuss, saying why is sibling 1 getting the whole amount. It needs to be divided up. When this sibling is clearly always doing more, much more.

AIBU in assuming Sibling 1 should share the amount?

The solution is that they shut the fuck up and sit on their grabby hands, and you stop listening to their crap.

Or, with everybody's buy in, they take over everything that you were doing and they claim the carer's allowance, and you stop doing anything. But they don't want to do that. So they've made their choice, and they need to shut the fuck up about it now.

I can't make them shut up but I can strongly encourage you to stop listening to them.

You are primary carer for your mum. It's really nice that the others want to help (IF they ARE actually a help) but they're not entitled to YOUR carers allowance. I'd be furious with them for being so damn grabby over what is already an insultingly small amount.

People help their family members out all the time, it's normal. They don't have a contract for it, they aren't entitled to be paid for it, and they aren't obliged to do it.

Your mum could, if she has enough money, give them something out of her attendance allowance to thank them for their help, but to be honest I'd stay away from that as it's ripe for accusations of deprivation of assets.

Definitely do not.

Family carers save the government (and therefore also the taxpaper) a HUGE amount of money. It's to give the person who is a full time carer some money to live on, because when you are a full time carer you can't also work - at least not full time.

This is breath of fresh air.

I'd be more than happy for someone else to take over the role. But because of my relationship with my mum - my mum won't allow anyone else to take over that role. She doesn't want them in her life as much as I am. As they are always complaining about this that and the other. My main goal is always to make sure her needs are met. They are wanting to monitor the hours and make sure it adds up to 35. I said go ahead. Sibling 2 is actually holding mum against her will. So today, I took mum to an appointment and sibling 2 turned up and told me to go and begged mum that she would take her home. My mum was actually dumb founded. ..couldn't say a word.

is they aren’t doing 35 hours they can’t claim. Simple. If they want to do the care then they should get the allocated funds.

it’s very sad they want to squabble over £80(?) per month and willing to have family arguments over it when your mother is unwell.

As someone who cares for 2 disabled children (both well in excess of 35 hours a week) as well as a little care for an elderly family member - not to the extent of sibling 1 in this post although due to changing family circumstances it is likely to increase significantly very soon - and can only claim one lot of Carers’ Allowance because of the rules, I find it absolutely WILD that there are other people getting jealous over someone getting CA! It’s an absolute pittance for essentially working a full time job (or much more) caring for someone.

Anyone who thinks it’s generous and a slice of a pie that they deserve isn’t an actual carer. It’s not at all generous for what caring really entails and anyone who is spending substantial time caring would know that full well.

Only those caring for 35 hours are eligible and only one person can claim for a disabled individual. Sibling 1 is eligible (provided it adds up to add least 35 hours care) and the others are clearly not, end of.

Ultimately if you changed things so 4 people were doing say 10 or 12 hours a week, you wouldn’t be splitting it 4 ways, as none of you should be claiming it at all as none of you would be eligible and any claim would be fraudulent.

Tell them to piss off.

I'm a carer (I don't claim CA as I am able to work, not full time but more than the CA threshold) and I run my workplace support group for colleagues who are carers. The whole lack of government support for disabled people, elderly people and their family carers has me very angry, as you can probably tell!

Keep a diary for yourself, but also if your sister is keeping your mum against her will, call the police! At minimum make a safeguarding concern call to your local adult social services. I'm not joking.

Please don't facilitate them monitoring your hours! It's fucking insulting to you, and it's NONE of their business!! Be angry with them about that. Keep a diary of the hours you do and keep it for your eyes only, in case they raise a complaint that you're fraudulently claiming benefits. And to be clear, if you get investigated, they STILL aren't entitled to see how many hours you do, that will be between you and the DWP.

I actually could sense that you had a fair bit of knowledge on this topic. I've spoken to an aunt about it, as I wanted a second opinion. I asked if it's clear that I am doing more and she said there's no doubt..."I'm doing all the running around."

I definitely will make a diary now, because a lot of the caring goes unnoticed and these guys think I'm fleecing my mum/government/tax payers.

Going forward they probably want some sort of accountability (are they even entitlied) they have said they want some of the allowance transferred to them.

I am thinking of ending the claim, that will mean, I'll have to up my work hours and not be around for mum as much. The rest will have to take the responsibility.

Carers allowance is a private benefit for the recipient who cannot work as they spend a lot of time caring for someone else. It is not the cared for. If you were getting another form of income support, ESA for example, would you share that with family members? Perhaps the family are getting confused with Attendance Allowance? That benefit can be applied for by the mother and paid out to her carers as needed.

Your siblings are greedy! You deserve to keep every miserable penny. Caring for a parent is demanding work and you should be paid a living wage IMO. Carers save the UK tax payers billions

@SunsetOnTheHorizon Please don't give up the claim. Your Mum will be the one who loses out if you increase your hours. I don't understand why your siblings think you don't deserve the Carer's Allowance? It is a lot of hours, but you've said they don't want to do any more than they are doing, so they are just being very greedy. Most adult children would spend some time visiting an elderly parent and perhaps doing things for them, while they are there. But that does not compare to all the hours you are spending on the phone, running your Mum here, there and everywhere and always being the first port of call. They can't have it both ways!!

It's £86 a week for 35hours hardly a fortune. I'm sure the other siblings can help out

Thank you for responding. I have now checked on the .Gov website.

I honestly didn't realise this was the case, probably because OH doesn't qualify for PC and I don't qualify for CA so I didn't need to investigate before. It seems strange but the rules is the rules.

I am absolutely horrified by what I’ve read here!!!

the mum is disabled, she has the ‘right’ a carer because she meets a disability level that qualifies her and she wants sibling 1 to be that carer therefore if sibling 1 is prepared to take on that role they are solely entitled to apply for carer’s allowance if they qualify.

any other arrangement is simply people disrespecting the right of the mum to independence and personal decisions make and is illegal from a benefits eligibility point of view because carer’s allowance is a personal benefit based in personal circumstances not simply a family payment

I think this depends how you (assuming you're the carer/sibling 1 here) or your mother discuss things with siblings 2,3 and 4. If I am sibling 4, I don't get carers allowance even though I am under the earning/working threshold and I'm getting calls from either 1 or mum saying "I need/mum needs you to - take her to the shops, sort out her electric tariff, make her dinner that day, take her out etc etc" then I'd be a bit annoyed. I think if you're claiming carers allowance and are the primary carer, then their visits should be at their own leisure. E.g. if sibling 4 likes taking mum with her on her own weekly shop most of the time, and then they get a coffee at the cafe - whilst it's helping, it's not really caring in the way a carer would, because a carer MUST take her shopping/do the shopping whereas it's fun and convenient when it works out for sibling 4 and she should be able to say "oh I'm not taking her shopping this week so that's an issue for you to solve sibling 1".

I do think, if you've chosen to claim primary carers allowance, thus stopping your 3 siblings claiming it, without discussing with them and then also expect them to continue to do tasks that get "asigned" or requested of them, then that's a bit cheeky tbh.

However, if you genuinely are the primary carer and the other siblings are doing easy bits or fun bits when it suits and then leaving the rest to you, I can see why you have done this. It would've been much better to discuss it first. The amount isn't really worth sharing - they're probably saying that out if principle I suspect.

Why would sibling 1 share the amount when they do the lion share of the caring. If they all did an equal amount then sibling 1 wouldn't have been able to claim. If they think they are entitled they need to put forward their own claim.
Also. Sibling 1 is probably claiming because they don't have a life of their own because they are doing everything with the other siblings only doing the vare minimum.
And as an added extra.
Isnt she your mum?
What is your role?

I would suggest that you get your mother a Care Needs Assessment. This can either be done through your local authority adult social services or via https://www.gov.uk/apply-needs-assessment-social-services. Put everything on a formal footing.

I can see that their behaviour could very quickly spiral into a safeguarding issue. Does your mother have PoAs in place? As your siblings sound grabby, this would be worth considering if you are prepared to be Attorney. It is not however something to be undertaken lightly. It is an onerous responsibility.

The thing your siblings are not understanding is that Carers Allowance is an in work benefit. It is not supposed to recompense for caring. The main function is to support the carer by making their NI ccontributions. It is why family carers, even those claiming CA, are called unpaid carers and why CA stops on reaching State Pension Age.

If your siblings need money, they need to get a job, or claim JSA or ESA if eligible.

Actually no they can't. Carers allowance can only be claimed by 1 person caring for 1 person at 35 hours or more a week. The siblings cannot claim because there is already someone claiming that they look are mum. The others would be declined.

They're being greedy. This sibling is doing most of the care and did the work involved in the application. With the amount she does it's unlikely the others are meeting the threshold for how much care you have to provide to be entitled to carers allowance.

If I were her I'd be petty and pay them for every task they do as a proportion of how much care is done for the mum. They'll realise how little the job pays or they'll help more to get more money.

Or ask if someone else wants to take over all the roles she does and they can have the money.

Hi op you are the main carer your mum wants you to do it so you tell the siblings that it is all sorted now. If they insist on the money say you can claim the money if you’re willing to do everything I have done because once I increase my hours at work I’m not available and you cannot stress mum out. There just being petty it’s not a lot split up between 4 people so it’s either all or nothing but right now mum wants it to be you.

The carers allowance is not per family it’s per carer - anyone is only eligible if they are doing 35hrs themselves not divided up!

Because if she was one of the three siblings that didnt do much she wouldn't be admitting that.

Can't claim for the same person twice