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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a fair divide when it comes to Carer's Allowance?

69 replies

SunsetOnTheHorizon · Yesterday 23:54

Mother has four siblings that support her with her daily and weekly tasks including emotional and mental support. We have been supporting ever since I can remember but recently one subling applied for carers allowance as she is now on eligible benefits.

Now, this particular sibling is noticeably more involved in my mom's daily issues. Making and canceling appointments, taking her to them, taking her shopping, walking, and anything else. It also includes daily conversations, helping her with her mental health, and if an emergency occurs - she's the 1st one there. The other 3 siblings also help out but not as much. It's more as and when. Once a week or once a fortnight. But when these other siblings take my mum out - mum ensures they are given petrol money.

Now the other siblings have kicked up a fuss, saying why is sibling 1 getting the whole amount. It needs to be divided up. When this sibling is clearly always doing more, much more.

AIBU in assuming Sibling 1 should share the amount?

OP posts:
Prunellaprim · Today 12:16

SunsetOnTheHorizon · Today 11:27

Sorry to drip feed. I wrote the post late last night - hoping it made sense. I am sibling 1. I have been there for my mum when sibling 2 and sibling 3 had a huge row with her, triggering her migraines. She needed private treatment which mum paid for. She was crying everyday through the pain and the bust up. Sibling 1 was there all the way. Since then that has continued, that level of emotional support, keeping mum sane when things go crazy etc. I even nominated the other siblings to take the carers role and the allowance. But they said "they don't want the hassle." So what is the solution here. They want a slice of the allowance - how is it meant to be divided up? They don't want to take over the role.

The allowance is for the role. A role that includes 35 hours a week time commitment so getting towards full time work hours. It is not for meeting up with your mum and having a nice time. The person doing the caring gets the allowance. The others do not. It is simple.

Monty36 · Today 12:19

Only one person can apply for CA. They assume this individual will be the one doing the majority of the caring. You have to do a certain number of hours to qualify for it. Although what constitutes as caring I am sure can well be stretched. I doubt it is monitored much either.

What really should not happen is that the one who is claiming the carers allowance offloads a lot of the caring to another sibling by suggesting to various organisations involved in the parents care that this sibling is getting the CA.

I think anyone involved in the persons care should know who the person getting the CA is and that are the primary and first person to contact. Not one of the other siblings.

MrsEndeavourMorse · Today 12:21

Jopo12 · Today 00:10

If the other siblings belong even that they are putting in 35 hours a week of care on top of what the first sibling does then they can also claim carers allowance.
But it's a pittance, not an amount to aspire to.

Why are all the siblings not earning money of their own? That is odd.

Only one person can claim. Similarly if you care for more than one disabled person you can also only claim for one. They don't pay to or for multiple people.

Hoardasurass · Today 12:27

DietCoke247 · Today 00:14

You are obviously sibling 1. If you are claiming carers allowance and don’t feel the need to share it, then make sure your siblings have no duty of care. By all means they can visit, take out, do what they want to do not what they need to do. You are the carer and they are not required to do anything.

Thats not how carers allowance works.
Its not supposed to be shared, its a payment solely for the person doing 35 hours plus a week.
If the others are doing the same amount of care and have a household income that allows them to claim they will get their own carers allowance if not they are entitled to nothing from the state or the sibling doing most of the care.
Expecting to be paid part of somebody else's carers allowance for visiting once a week or once a fortnight is disgusting behaviour

Snaletrale · Today 12:28

Just tell them when they step up and take an equal amount of the responsibility then you’ll share the allowance equally too.

Monty36 · Today 12:30

Hoardasurass · Today 12:27

Thats not how carers allowance works.
Its not supposed to be shared, its a payment solely for the person doing 35 hours plus a week.
If the others are doing the same amount of care and have a household income that allows them to claim they will get their own carers allowance if not they are entitled to nothing from the state or the sibling doing most of the care.
Expecting to be paid part of somebody else's carers allowance for visiting once a week or once a fortnight is disgusting behaviour

I think you misunderstood the poster.
And only one person can claim carers allowance.

Monty36 · Today 12:33

Snaletrale · Today 12:28

Just tell them when they step up and take an equal amount of the responsibility then you’ll share the allowance equally too.

And what if other people do step up and do an equal amount of caring. And then some. But get nothing because sibling no1 has claimed Carers allowance ?

They won’t necessarily see a penny of the money going to Sibling no 1. At all.

Don’t assume that other siblings don’t ’step up’. Many do. But only one gets to claim and allowance for it. The others probably didn’t think of even applying for it.

GreatOffWhiteFalcon · Today 12:47

Oh God, families!

LiveLuvLaugh · Today 13:00

Elieza · Today 10:31

none of them appear to be doing 35 hours a week.
that’s like a full time job.

ie you go there at say 10am and stay til say 3pm every single day. not just one hour phone calls and shopping twice a week for an hour a go and two hours of housework or whatever.

are any of them really doing a full time job for her? i’d suggest not and therefore to claim is apparently benefit fraud. sadly there is no hourly rate people can claim. i wish there was as caring us relentless and exhausting. i think the carers allowance should kick in for 14 hours a week. but as yet it does not sadly.

To qualify for Carers Allownace a carer does not have to be with the cared for person 35 hours per week. Doing their life admin, being on call for emergencies, speaking on the phone/ messaging also count.

Tgan · Today 13:09

Does your mum get pension credit? If she dies she will lose a lot of money if someone claims CA for her.

Tgan · Today 13:18

Does not dies 🫣 sorry for typo x

TheRemainsOfTheDayCream · Today 13:24

Just tell them you're not allowed to share the CA. Only one person who meets the criteria can claim CA - it's not shareable.

I'm sorry your siblings are so greedy.

DietCoke247 · Today 13:36

SunsetOnTheHorizon · Today 10:27

This has been made clear on numerous occasions. Sibling 1 works and studies but all the care work (appointments etc) are arranged on when sibling 1 is available. And sibling 1 has made it clear to my mum that anything that needs doing goes through sibling 1. The other sibling do things on thier own accord, to spend time with my mum etc, but they are claiming that they are caring for her too. It's a bit messy now. Or is it?

Sibling 1 shouldn’t have mentioned claiming.

But now that they have, give them options.

  1. sibling 1 is fully responsible for mum’s care. The rest can come and go as they wish.
  2. all siblings have equal caring responsibilities, weekly hours split equally, and adhered to, then carers allowance split equally.

Let them choose.

plasticplate · Today 13:55

Someone is only eligible if they are doing 35+ hours a week of caring. So siblings doing less than that shouldn't be getting any of it

MrTiddlesTheCat · Today 14:09

The siblings bickering over this are completely out of order, grabby and selfish.

When my mum died she left a small life insurance policy to cover her funeral and a few thousand left over. My siblings and I signed it over to the sister who did the bulk of the caring. Can't imagine doing it differently.

grumpygrape · Today 14:27

Tgan · Today 13:09

Does your mum get pension credit? If she dies she will lose a lot of money if someone claims CA for her.

Could you explain that in more detail please ? I don't understand your post.
Thanks.

Ethelspagetti · Today 14:43

There is no way all siblings are providing 35 hours of care each! One person is doing most of it. That person rightly claims it. The occasional help does not count as it has to be regular. I claimed carers allowance for my disabled father because my husband and I did everything. My brother who lives 200 miles away applied for it too! Even though he had only seen our dad twice in 15 years! Even said he trimmed his toe nails! We go to a foot care specialist for that! My father was alerted by DWP, rejected his claim and my carers allowance continued. The other siblings need to stop this silliness, unless they can prove that they care for 35 hours per week.

BeRoseSloth · Today 14:55

Does your mum get Attendance Allowance? She could use that to pay your siblings’ petrol money and any out of pocket expenses.

OCDmama · Today 14:58

DietCoke247 · Today 00:14

You are obviously sibling 1. If you are claiming carers allowance and don’t feel the need to share it, then make sure your siblings have no duty of care. By all means they can visit, take out, do what they want to do not what they need to do. You are the carer and they are not required to do anything.

I can't imagine being so petty with my sister. If she we're caring for our mother 35+ hours a week I could take our mum off her hands for a couple of hours respite FFS.

In the same vein, if a mother receives CB do you think a father should do zero should do zero childcare?

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