To ask any other neurodivergent people?

[querygh]

If you have to isolate yourself to recharge, and constantly beat yourself up for it?

I am 29, have ADHD and I’m a teacher in a very busy school. The constant noise, the questioning, the mental strain required to be in charge of hundreds of children a day, makes me feel like I’m literally empty.

I pack my gym stuff every morning and tell myself after school I’ll go to the gym, I’ll visit X, I’ll try do Y, but invariably I end up almost mute by 3pm and feeling like I’m wading through mud.

I so wanted to go to the gym today but I ended up going straight to bed and slept for 3 hours just to feel normal. I then showered and made some toast and am now back in bed hoping for an early night. Society tells me I’m lazy but I feel it so much deeper than this, it’s an absolute ache in my brain that feels I can’t physically do any more. It’s exhaustion like no other. But I feel bad and I beat myself up and I think I must be the only 29 year old spending every evening alone in bed.

Does anyone relate to this at all or have any words of advice? I take lots of vitamins etc, am also on antidepressants, and try to eat well, but I just feel like a stalling car low on fuel every day.

:-(

I had a wedding a few of weeks ago which, due to being heavily involved in most of it, spanned nearly 4 days.

I still can’t face going out at the moment. I think I will need to stay in again this weekend as well - that will be three solid weeks of staying in to recharge and ‘de-people’.

I am in bed right now, and my head is buzzing! Like a literal buzzing noise, I can hear in my head.

It sounds familiar, OP. Are your on ADHD meds? If not, I they would help.

even without neurodivergence, teaching is a very tough gig.

I have adhd. Slow meditative walking helps me massively. I try to go out every evening on my own and walk. It burns the fizz out of my head, it physically tires me out, the quiet slow pace allows me to breathe. I sort things out in my head and put events in boxes and then ignore them.
If I stay inside, I stay inside my head and the noise builds up.
The gym would have too many people, too much noise, too much conversation, just too much everything.
Walking, one foot then the next, a bit of rain, breathing, not talking, next step calms me right down.

Mu friend's mum was a teacher - every day when she got home, she would go straight to her room and lie down for half an hour in complete silence. Her kids knew not to disturb her except for a dire emergency! I think even without any neurodiversity, it's such a full on job that you need to decompress afterwards. Don't worry about 'society' telling you that you're lazy - this is all in your head, nobody actually cares whether you go to the gym or not, except you!

For me, it's normal. I know if I have been with people all day, I will need recovery time. So I always plan in that time. Don't over analyse, just take the space you need.

I worked in schools for years and lot of days I got to about 2pm and I would be so full-up with the push and pull from the children, staff and parents that I would find it difficult to string sentences together. I would also just forget people's names.
I would more often than not, go home, have tea sit down on the settee and very swiftly fall asleep. Wake up and then take myself to bed.
I am not autistic but I do have traits so I can only imagine how hard it would be for someone who is neuro -diverse.
Please don't be too hard on yourself!
Perhaps you could go to the gym before work rather than afterwards when you are knackered?

Hi. I hear you! Also a teacher and, while ADHD brings some positives in the job, it’s also exhausting. I’m like you with exercise- if I say I’ll do it after work, I often struggle. I have to do it in the morning, which is really hard because I’m not a morning person but I’ve built the habit over many years. It really does help to regulate my brain for the rest of the day. ADHD can be very all or nothing in my experience so I’m always afraid that if I have one day off exercise, I’ll never go back! I’ve just recently (aged 40) started to give myself a weekly rest day.

If you’re sleeping 3 hours after work to feel normal though this does sound fairly challenging. Could you see a doctor to discuss this? Is there a trusted colleague or head of department who could help you with strategies for the working day to leave you less drained (though teaching is very challenging regardless of strategies).

@Gardeningsideeffects I relate to the buzzing! I remember when I first started going to nightclubs I would literally lie awake for the rest of the night.

Meds help
Earplugs help - I always travel with them.
Doing the difficult thing earlier - but it’s not always possible
Down time v important

Have you been screened for autism?

I’m neurodivergent and I’m exactly the same, OP. Don’t beat yourself up with social ‘busy-ness’ conventions, one size definitely doesn’t fit all and getting enough rest is crucial. Blimey, if I had your job I’d be like a wet dishrag by the time I knocked off every day!

I actually think everyone needs this, it's just that it stands out more as a need for ND people (I am ND - diagnosed ADHD) because we need it more frequently and for longer than most people do.

And YY ADHD medication does really help. I used to need this basically for hours every day which wasn't realistically possible. Now I don't - I stay functional pretty much all day and I only need the reset thing when it's been especially full on, or once every few days rather than all the time.

I am extroverted and I find the key about whether I can recharge with people or need to have space from people to recharge relates to whether I feel responsible for the people (e.g. DC, guests) and how much I mask around those people (e.g. I can relax better with DH than I can with SIL/BIL) BUT I can also slip into masking around DH and then I can't relax with him around either. When one of us notices the distance and we have an actual heart to heart it makes me notice if I'm doing that and then it becomes easier to relax around him again.

I have been seeing a lot of stuff about masking recently and one thing I read said that basically if you're trying to hide the fact you have a need because you're basically ashamed of the fact you have that need, that can be something which is draining in itself, and that made me think because yes, I think sometimes I do try to ignore needs because I think I shouldn't have them, and that is a bit of an illogical thing to do.

The majority of teachers I know feel like this after work- it’s an exhausting job. The gym in the morning before work is usually easier for me than after- I can’t think of anything worse than going after.

It has been suggested that I have adhd by friends who also have been diagnosed as well as an hcp.

i genuinely can’t distinguish if it’s actually teaching that’s made me like this (though I went into teaching for the structure and mental stimulation!) or if it’s me. I have hypothyroidism and am now going through menopause but can’t have hrt due to cancer. But others I know in similar positions medically don’t seem to struggle like me so I’m debating whether to look into it or not. (I teach children with send, adhd and autism and many are extremely chaotic and need a lot of support with social interaction and emotional regulation.)

I don’t find it over stimulating when I’m there; I quite like it but I seem to need more time to recover than anyone else I know. I’m managing on 0.4 at the moment. And have always needed more sleep and naps than other people.

pre kids I would go in the evening. Though some of it was yoga, some martial arts and some swimming. The yoga and swimming was definitely de stress. The martial arts was social. Not every night but I managed 2-3 times during the week. And would work the rest of the evenings and always at the weekend. It was the only way I could cope.

I’d go out to exercise around 7:30/8 pm, back around 9-10. Straight to bed.

I’d eat when I got home around 5-6 of no meetings. Do some work or stuff. Till time to go out to exercise.

I have found high intensity exercise helps me manage the over stimulation of school.

For a while I started skipping for 15-20 mins first thing in the morning, simply as you need to do less to get the same amount of work out! (Skip for sets of 100 and rest. Initially you can only manage 10 mins!)

It all went down the pan with kids. However a routine of lifting in the house and an exercise bike has helped hugely. I have to do little and often.

Interestingly discussing with an OT made me realise I’m self regulating my nervous system in the way we do with kids we have with adhd 😆 particularly the resistance training and bike.