To ask any other neurodivergent people?

[querygh]

If you have to isolate yourself to recharge, and constantly beat yourself up for it?

I am 29, have ADHD and I’m a teacher in a very busy school. The constant noise, the questioning, the mental strain required to be in charge of hundreds of children a day, makes me feel like I’m literally empty.

I pack my gym stuff every morning and tell myself after school I’ll go to the gym, I’ll visit X, I’ll try do Y, but invariably I end up almost mute by 3pm and feeling like I’m wading through mud.

I so wanted to go to the gym today but I ended up going straight to bed and slept for 3 hours just to feel normal. I then showered and made some toast and am now back in bed hoping for an early night. Society tells me I’m lazy but I feel it so much deeper than this, it’s an absolute ache in my brain that feels I can’t physically do any more. It’s exhaustion like no other. But I feel bad and I beat myself up and I think I must be the only 29 year old spending every evening alone in bed.

Does anyone relate to this at all or have any words of advice? I take lots of vitamins etc, am also on antidepressants, and try to eat well, but I just feel like a stalling car low on fuel every day.

:-(

Yeah, that sounds like my life. I work all day and it smashes my brain. The best I can do in the evening is lie on the sofa. I’m in bed by 9 (often earlier). I think it’s pretty normal to have far fewer spoons than normal folks. I don’t have any idea how you fix it, I have just relaxed into accepting myself!

Are you not taking any ADHD meds? They help me so much during the day, I still need more downtime than the average person. I’ve learnt to make peace with this, it’s literally not our fault. I also remember that with the down days do come the up days. It’s a very hard balancing act though. Also all that external noise during the day will make it so much harder for you to regulate. Most evenings I will take myself off for a walk, listen to an audio book and take some deep breathes to regulate.

I suspect I'm autistic and I get the kind of tiredness and feeling of overwhelm you describe. My social battery is often low even if it's not strictly social but people talking to you for work. I actually find solitary activities like exercise help me as it's more the time alone and not making and talking to people that I need rather than physical rest.

My job is different to yours but if you can somehow manage things so that it works better for you then do this. For me it we managing how people I use would contact me. I don't like being interrupted while I'm working so I'd carve out time to talk to people rather than just letting them call me and interrupt what I'm doing. I don't know if there's a way you can do this or just using any breaks you get to ensure you have time to yourself

When at home I find it helps me to have time to myself to workout, run, go for a walk, even just cooking or cleaning alone while listening to a podcast or music.

You sound like you could be on the brink of burnout. Can you take some time off? You might even need time off sick if it's that bad.

Teaching is exhausting at the best of times.

i used to swim before work

Honestly I would try to find things that allow you time to recharge and just accept that about yourself. It's absolutely fine to need time alone so if you want exercise maybe try to build that in eg walking, running, weights or yoga at home? You don't have to exercise in a busy gym if that makes it harder for you.

Yes, I have ADHD and need a lot of downtime and rest. I feel like I've been chronically tired my whole life. But I've just started medication and I think even a small improvement could be life changing.

BTW I have had things like iron and thyroid checked, if you haven't it might be worth doing just in case.

My autistic DC2 came home from school today and was asleep about an hour later.
Sometimes that's just what you need

Yes. It’s like my brain just shuts down and I can’t function any more. And it’s getting worse, not better!

I understand completely. You are not lazy! Schools are super busy and noisy places where multiple demands are placed on you, questions, dealing with fall outs etc etc and it is not easy to find time for a break in the day. I think lots of us who work in schools need to lie down in a quiet room for a bit after.
I think people just can't understand what it's unless you are living it each day.

Im like this and not adhd or autistic although my mum sister and brother are!
Now that im a mum i constantly just want to lie down and re charge in a quiet room but I can't and it makes me soooo tired

I've always needed this. My DS thinks I am ND, he is ASD.

I slept for an hour after work today. I always slept as a child, then as a teenager after college lectures and I often needed a nap at work in my 20s.

I also think it's related to hypermobility, which in itself is a venn diagram crossover with ND.

Hi OP, I am ASD and have been a teacher and I was exactly as you describe: I would get home from work and would just not function. I'm much better now (completely different sort of job, mostly WFH, can flex my hours -- I am in a very specialist niche now) but I'm still completely fried by 3pm and can barely function and when I have to travel for work (quite often) it wipes me out for at least a week afterwards.

Practically speaking: in terms of exercise I have to do it before I do anything draining. I run -- I'm on my own, early in the morning, in silence (and in winter in the dark) and I find that regulating. Not for everyone, I know, but the only way I can consistently do it. I am, however, quite often in bed by 9pm (both because I'm fried by 3pm and because I get up super early to fit in a run).

As a PP said: we just have fewer spoons than some NT people. I'm older than you (50s) and am at a different life stage and therefore more at peace with it than I was. Sending solidarity.

Oh, and get your ferritin level checked. It's really common in ND people to have very low ferritin, and it causes fatigue. You may need to supplement iron (alongside vitamin C) to help.

Hello OP: I totally relate to this. Currently in an assessment pathway for autism. I went to Legoland with my son and another couple and their son on the hottest April day for 80 years in the UK and practically had an autistic meltdown at the end. Then I had a kind of “hangover” where I continued to feel dysregulated and tearful for like 3 days afterwards.

I am exhausted and spent after every evening with my son. It’s a bit of a nightmare TBH and I don’t know what the answer is.

Yes. Most definitely. I strongly urge you to accept that this is the way you are and do not under any circumstances berate yourself for any reason whatsoever.

I know exactly how you feel, I'm a teacher too and the constant demands are mentally draining. By the time I've got home and got my daughter to bed I'm running on empty. Sometimes I go to sleep when she does!
Don't feel bad, there's lots of us in the same boat! I recently read that teachers make more decisions per day than most other professions including pilots! If you can, financially, reduce your hours that would give you a bit of time back to decompress and do things you want.

I suspect that I am autistic/adhd and a teacher. I often come home and have a nap.

Ironically, even though I am using my voice, teaching means i can avoid the energy-draining social interactions that I found tough in an office. Still, I find it hard to speak to people by the end of the day.

Years ago (before kids), i used to go down the pub and drink far too much. At the time, I just thought that I was a pisshead. Now, I see that I was self-medicating. Walking the dog with a podcast or a run are much better options (although those pub years were fun!).

Be kind to yourself. If you fall asleep at the end of the day, it's because your body and brain need it.

I'm not adhd, but have a few ND diagnoses. I've at times gone to bed to sleep when I get home. It's not lazyness, just sheer full up. If not for sleep, I routinely go to bed early evening alone to be in a darkened room, phone is set to the dimnest setting plus the eye protection setting, and I play endless gentle games until my head stops buzzing. Social events in the evening are hard on me as it takes me a good several hours of this before the buzzing ends.

You're not being unreasonable, but you are being unreasonable to beat yourself up about it. You need what you need, don't let other people's opinions bother you

I always tell DH that my body is buzzing when we've been out in the evening! Like I feel like I'm physically bzzzzzzzzzing!

I thought it was because I talked too much.

Hello, OP!

I'm not sure if I'm neurodivergent, but I've always been deemed to be 'very weird'... but yes, I struggle after work. It's like all of my energy gets poured into that, and then I come home and try to sleep (I've never slept very well), and don't have the energy to do anything else. It doesn't matter which job I do- I'm an ex-teacher- but... I just about manage to shower and eat dinner, then climb into bed, drained. I mute all WhatsApp notifications, turn off my phone, and be by myself.

It is draining, though. There are so many things that I wish that I could do, like swimming or evening activities. At a push, I manage to read or knit... before going to bed, and it all starts again. I keep reminding myself that there has to be more to life than this!

My husband tells me I am ND. He and my children are, but to be honest I’ve got too many medical issues to care to add anything else to the list officially. I suffer with depression as one issue. I work in a school too. I can’t go to sleep when I get in, as much as I’d like to, so I am currently stuffing my face with biscuits to try and manage until bedtime. I wouldn’t feel guilty. Schools are incredibly busy, noisy and taxing environments to work in. I love my job, but it definitely take a lot out of me. If you can rest, absolutely do it.

I have autism and ADHD and before I was diagnosed I suffered with awful burnout that would just shut me down for two weeks or so as it just all got too much.

i have learnt to manage it better now but when it does hit I normally have to just sleep and not engage for about 2-3 days. I can feel it starting to happen, it’s happening at the moment, and I’m trying everything I can for it not to get really bad again but it’s super hard.

If you're neurodivergent and an introvert then a busy, loud, chaotic workplace is not ideal for you. Have you considered alternative career options, teaching in smaller groups, tutoring older children 1-1 - things that will not drain you so?

You are still very young. As you age physical bits of self care become so important for your overall health that you have to do them. I absolutely hate going to the gym but I feel so much better when I do go. You need to find ways to organise your day which will allow you to do it. Early mornings? Working 4 days a week? Going with earphones and a special choice of music / audiobooks which will allow your brain to recharge while your body exercises?

You say you take vitamins, but is your nutrition all it should be? Again, this is something you can cheat in your 20s, becomes much harder in your 30s, and then payback starts in the 40s.

Be good to yourself.

I relate. I have got ADHD and am also an introvert and perimenopausal so yes, downtime is crucial for me- preferably in silence with no one else around. My children still live at home but are young adults and also understand my need for solitude so I’m lucky to get plenty of opportunities to be on my own in a very quiet room.

A. Yes I need time to recharge, but
B. No, I feel precisely no guilt or negative feelings for that whatsoever.