Is the internet is ruining relationships?

[Whatwhat123]

I’m following a woman on Instagram who makes content about being long term single, I think she’s in her early thirties.
I’ve seen her post a lot about not wanting kids (fair enough) and also not wanting to do online dating. But then she posts a lot about being upset and that she’s scared of being alone forever.
AIBU to think she should just online date? I hate that there’s so few options to meet men and have relationships these days, but realistically that’s probably her best chance?

She has loads of followers and I relate to her myself so this isn’t a judgement of her personally, I just think how can we expect to be happy when we’re all alone scrolling our phones?

What she's saying is happening on Instagram and what is actually happening in her life are probably very different. People are not authentic or genuine on it. It's all curated and filtered.

She's probably married with two kids

OK, so it sounds like you've ruled out real life groups after your experience with that woman.

Not sure what else to suggest really.

No, not given up just reassessing what to do next. She goes to a lot of things that I would be interested in doing in my area.
I look at opportunities a lot, I just lack confidence.

I'm sorry to hear that. The thing is with low confidence, it's not going to magically disappear on its own. You have to take action.

Do you take any medication like antidepressants etc? Have you spoken with your GP?

I would imagine that the majority of people at the groups we're talking about have very low confidence and self esteem - I think the idea is finding other people like you and building your confidence together. Keep going.

I'm very active in a fellowship based on mutual support (AA) and it's invaluable for me, but there's a couple of people who make my heart sink when I see them. You learn to just tolerate them without engaging with them. Eventually you realise that everyone else is merely tolerating them too. Stick with the winners, the people who are making the most of the group and helping others.

Try different groups and keep trying.

Change won't just happen while you wait at home - you have to be brave.

In an ideal world you'd find something that you want to go out and do because you like doing it with or without good company.

Me either.

I'm not anti online dating but whilst I know some long term couples that met online I also know a few people that gave it a good go and didn't get on with it at all. It's certainly not a universal solution for people that want to date.

I am on line dating at the moment (early 50s) and it is (largely) pretty horrific whatever age you are. I think single people are now more often making the choice between on line dating and remaining single. Not online dating V another method.

I have had 2 situations where the person simply hasn’t turned up after making an arrangement and blocked me when I went to message them to see if they were running late. With one of them we had literally spark 20 minutes previously!

Then there have been a few others which weren’t disastrous but one or both of us felt like it was friendship vibes. I have also been ghosted.

The point is - it takes quite a lot of mental strength and practical preparation to go and meet someone you don’t know and put yourself on the line even if you are quite happy in life. You allow yourself to be hopeful. It certainly takes me a few weeks to get back on the apps after the last one hasn’t been a roaring success and I’m pretty resilient. It’s not from a place of hurt or rejection (though of course that plays a part) .. it’s more ‘right ok bsck ti it - have I got the mental strength to put myself out there again?’ (Not to mention thinking about what do I wear, are my nailed chipped, do my eyebrows need doing etc)

I really understand why so many people are deciding to be single rather than on line dating.

If you are in your 30s(or just younger than 50s!) then I think there are now loads of single events -some based on hobbies/ interests and some just social.
These are largely born out of the widespread dislike of the apps as everyone on them acknowledges that they are awful. If they existed for my age people that’s what I’d be doing.

Online dating gives people too many options. Years ago you might have given a shy person another chance if the first date was a bit awkward, and found out they were actually great. Now you might have two or three other people you're also chatting with, so why bother making an effort if the first date isn't amazing? It favours style over substance really.

I’m online dating and the only man I’ve matched with I found attractive and who seemed nice keeps talking about getting me naked and we’ve not even met. I’ve said it’s off putting etc. I’d have written him off already if the apps were full of nice men. It’s very hard so you end up overlooking things you wouldn’t normally. I also ended up in a relationship that wasn’t good for me mentally (to say the least) and I kept trying, partly as I couldn’t face going back on the apps.

This is quite a confusing thread OP. A woman you saw online doesn't do online dating (that you know of), you think she should and can't understand why she doesnt, even though you also don't do online dating despite the fact that you want to meet someone.

And online dating is the internet so?

It’s always been the same if you’re outgoing then it’s easier to meet lots of people which increases your chance of meeting someone you can be friends with or have a romantic connection with. It’s a numbers game and always has been.

I haven’t had to online date but if I did and I did live through DS doing it then I would view it the same as meeting in the wild.

Interact with 100 people, maybe a couple of them are worth knowing better. Why people think it would ever be a high number is the reason people are so disappointed.