Am I being dramatic and making an issue out of nothing

[TiredMum09]

I’m writing anonymously because I don’t want anyone I know seeing this …

Myself and my partner have been together 7 years , we have a 3 year old daughter. He was supportive throughout my pregnancy , apart from not understanding some things I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive partner. He has a son prior to us being together. He was too scared to be at the birth which I was hurt and upset about but I had my mum with me, he now regrets not being there. After I had my daughter he initiated sex roughly 8 weeks after , I wasn’t ready and I was also breastfeeding day and night so felt rubbish, and I did tell him I was scared and maybe not ready , he said let’s just try it and if you don’t want to continue then we’ll stop. I didn’t want him to feel rejected so went along with it , I know I should’ve been stern and said no but for some reason I didn’t. My daughter had a lot of health difficulties which became more apparent as she got to around 6 months old. During the time when she was born to this age he’d do similar and became annoyed if I didn’t want to have sex with him. I rmeneber the arguments we’d have , he’d go downstairs in a huff texting me saying I’m making him feel unwanted and accused me of being with other men and wanting other men …. This wasn’t true at all I just was struggling with breastfeeding and my daughter as I said had alot of health difficulties which meant she didn’t eat until she was about 2 or drink.. so I was still solely breastfeeding day and night, I didn’t want to go out anywhere because I knew I’d have to breastfeed, I couldn’t leave her with anyone. It took a huge toll on me mentally. If sex ever came about I noticed I started feeling this overwhelm of really not wanting to and what I am thinking now is that it’s because I felt pressured for however many years and made to feel bad for not wanting to.. he’d come back from work late and I would be asleep and he’d try it with me and I remember almost flinching at the thought of him touching me. It got really bad and I feel guilty for feeling that way. He did not leave me alone and day in day out I’d be guilt tripped accused of seeing other men and wanting other men even tho I didn’t go out and I the fact I’m in a committed relationship …. It was relentless. He’d try it when he knew I didn’t want to do it. This went on and on and fast forward to October 2025 we had broken up. I slept with him a few times when we were broken up because I didn’t want to upset him , a few times I wanted to a bit. If we had an argument he’d then tell my family and friends that we’d slept together and kind of use it against me in a weird sort of way. He’d say she’s sleeping with me but doesn’t want to be with me. I couldn’t tolerate being round him anymore … he would shout he came across defensive I felt like I was suffocating so I ended it. He’d always find a way into my home weither it was asking to use the toilet when collecting our daughter and then not leaving until she went to bed … I said I was tired so I was going to go up to bed. He took this as come up with me not to leave … he came up and was clearly expecting something. I said I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t mind him chilling but I was going to sleep.. he said that there was no point him being here if we weren’t going to sleep together I said okay… kind of reiterated what I said about not minding him chilling but I was going to sleep. I fell asleep and woke up a while later to his hands up my top… I said what are you doing sort of thing I’m asleep and I’ve told you no. He said okay sorry… 10 mins later the exact same thing happened and I said I’ve said no get off me …. I fell asleep again and woke up to him humping me… he had clothes on but it still made me uncomfortable. I. Don’t know if I overreacted but I basically threw him out the house , he said he was sorry and didn’t like that I was trying to make out he was in his words a weirdo and that he was just trying to get me in the mood and see if I would change my mind ….. I didn’t talk to him for a while after that because I felt weird towards him..

Fast forward we’re back together now. Should I have even done that and rekindled ? I feel like I don’t even want to sleep with him now because of all them years of pressure and obviously the last situation. He says he feels unwanted and he’s sorry but still says he was just trying to get me in the mood.

he also is relentlessly checking my phone .. walks passed and taps and has a scroll then walks off. He doesn’t notice I’ve realised he’s doing it.

I feel like there’s a stigma around sex with him now 😣😣😣😭

I'm so sorry. This is sexual abuse and coercive control.

He sexually assaulted you. Repeatedly.

There is no coming back from that and I’m pretty sure on some level you know it Op.
The relationship’s over - you need to split and remain strong this time about never going back

Yanbu unreasonable to not want to have anything to do with him, no.

I agree with what I think your head is telling you, that you should never have taken him back. He's abusive and rapey, trying to pressure you into sex when he knows you don't want to.

Do you realise if you have had sex under duress because he's pressured you and harassed you into giving in to make him stop, that is actual rape?

The groping etc when you've said no and were asleep is assault.

I'd want him as far away from me and DD as I could get him, personally.

Oh my goodness i am so sorry youve experienced this! This "man" is a vile monster hes sexually assaulted you!
Call womens aid and i hope you find your strength to leave soon 💐

Why are you back with him? Just make the break. You've done it once and you can do it again and mean it this time.
Speak to Womens Aid ... they will help you.

He's a rapist. I'm sorry but that is the fact of the matter. Do you have some real life help to get him away from you and your child? Women's Aid is a good place to start for support. I am so sorry this has happened to you, but the good news is that today can be the start of a much better life for you.

Do you want us to vote that you are or aren’t unreasonable for getting back with him? I’m going to say just based on what you are telling us, he has raped you time and time again, sexually assaulted you over and over. He has worn you down to the point you hate touch and give in. I would not only try to get away from him because he is clearly a danger but I would consider getting a restraining order because it’s clear he won’t leave you alone and i think even keep your kid from him if you can legally get the help to do that as I believe he has purposely got you pregnant so that you will be trapped with him with his child and will manipulate you for as long as he can and your daughter will catch on and believe his behaviour is what she will also deserve. I hope you are okay and can keep us updated on your situation as tbh it’s very concerning x

This is really sad. You've not overreacted, you've under reacted. He sexually assaulted you. You seem so passive in this. I don't think you even want to be with him. It sounds like you've been coerced. Reach out to domestic abuse charities to get support and learn how to break away from him.

I am so sorry. You will never be happy with this man who is trying to exert power over you and control you. He does not love you, if he did then he would never have had rough sex weeks after you had given birth. To him you are an object to use for sex and to control. You describe him continually badgering you for sex and trying to ‘get you in the mood’ (coerce you) by touching you sexually when you have said no and are exhausted and asleep.

He accused you of making him out to be weird, because that sort of behaviour is weird and non consensual and illegal. How long before you wake up to find him raping you? You and your child deserve so much better than this creep.

No means no OP. No I don’t want to have sex with you. No I don’t want to be with you. No I don’t want you touching my body when I am asleep. You don’t have to live like this.

Say no to this piece of shit, take back control of your life and your body. Tell him no to the relationship, and this time make sure no means no! It won’t be easy, but it will be a lot easier than the situation you are living in now,

He's a rapist and an abuser. Please contact the Rape Crisis Centre and Women's Aid for help and advice. He doesn't give a shit about you or his child. He just wants sex whether you consent to it or not.

My god this is a horrific read.
You are the victim of repeated rapes, sexual abuse and coercive control.

Please walk into any police station.
This is a very bad and dangerous man.

Tell the police and your GP.

I think this is a police matter, please contact Women’s Aid and tell them as a first point of call.

You are not overreacting or being dramatic

Who wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want it?

A creepy rapist. Get Out.

Sorry but… what’s wrong with you?

Go to a therapist. Tell them all of this. You need help and you’re not going to listen to anyone on mumsnet. Call a therapist tomorrow and get an appointment as soon as you can. This man is abusive. You should not be with him. I have no idea why you’ve gone back… is it self esteem? Or did you have an abusive childhood? Are you very young and homeless otherwise?

Get some help. And don’t lie about anything - tell them everything and say you need help to find your own strength and independence. Your partner is a rapist but you keep going back and having sex with him. Therapy.

Nothing is wrong with me. I just feel like I needed to hear from other people how I felt wasn’t me being dramatic. I’m 26 and my grandad brought my house for me, so we’re living in my house. I don’t financially depend on him - perhaps I just feel stuck in a loop and don’t know how to escape. I’m scared of his family, they’re well known and somehow I’m always the bad one whenever we’ve split. I feel stuck. I don’t want my daughter to come from a broken home either. My dad passed away back in August and he was an alcoholic. I have been through a lot recently and didn’t know if my emotions were heightened. But there isn’t anything wrong me I’m just trying to navigate life.

Thank you everyone. I will seek help and support from who has been suggested xxx

He's a rapist and abuser. For your safety and your daughter's, you need help and not to be with him. Talk to Women's Aid, and I would be reporting it to police. Don't ever let him in the house.

Please, tell your friends and family what he has been doing to you. Get some real life support in place. If his family start kicking off at you, don't be afraid to tell them he is a rapist. Speak to Rape Crisis and Women's Aid. Tell him to leave your house. Don't allow him to bully you into having sex with him again. He is a bad man, and you don't want your daughter growing up thinking the way he treats you is normal.

Don’t want your daughter to come from a broken home. She already does. Her dad is a rapist who abuses her mum, and her mum has lost all strength - that is a very broken home.

She would be much safer and happier in a home with a mum who is strong, has solid self esteem, and is happy. You are not that. But you will be all of that when you get away from this man and work on yourself.

There is nothing you can do about him having access - he’ll get access, but it’s better than her being around him all the time because you’re still with him. It will be very very difficult, he will make this as hard as he can for you, but you are doing the right thing, you are the good parent and you will get through it. In a few years, you’ll have a set schedule for contact, you’ll be out of the fog of it, you’ll be finding yourself again. It will be so much better, but you have to go through the really
shitty short term of leaving him to get there. Which is why you need therapy to help you.

Regarding his family and whatever they say or do… who gives a shit? They’re the family of a rapist. You know that. You know you are in the right and they are scum. Nothing else matters, what they tell other people doesn’t matter.

Couples split up all the time. You are allowed to. And whatever they tell people, no one else actually cares all that much about your relationship so a bit of gossip means nothing and will be forgotten soon enough.

If you stay with him, your life will be reduced to defending yourself in bed.

he's an abusive partner. Please leave him and have nothing more to do with him. Seek help.

And btw, I split from my kid’s dad when they were very little and have raised them mostly on my own whilst he sees them occasionally.

They do not come from a broken home. My home is not broken. It’s a really shitty thing to say about single parent households. I would say an abusive home is broken, like yours. But a single parent household is not broken. I’d bet my kids are a lot more well adjusted than children being brought up with abusive dads and miserable mums.

Dear sweet heavens show this thread to your family and friends, get out of there, stay away from him.

I have a son from a previous relationship and was a single mum at a young age so I’m definitely not bashing single mums because I was one - I wouldn’t do that if I wasn’t one. I didn’t have much to do with my dad and I never wanted that for my children is what I meant.

Sorry but there is something wrong with the way you live your life. And it’s really sad for your daughter to have you both as the role models in her life. The house is yours - so kick him out??????
And a broken home? Your child growing up with a rapist father lurking about is already broken.
You need to get rid of him immediately. This is an extremely toxic environment to raise your child. You can choose to give your child a stable and secure environment, with at least a good mother as an example. I think you need therapy to make you see how bad this situation is op. You have a daughter. A daughter who is watching your example.
You have a very good start in that you are not married and the house is yours. You then contact the police, women’s aid, lots of options.

You need to get this abusive man out of your house! Please call Women's Aid and get some support. Do you have family and friends who can support you?

The reason you don't want to have sex with him is because he's controlling and abusive. This is not a healthy atmosphere for your little girl to grow up in. If she came to you when she's older and told you her partner was treating her this way, what would you tell her to do?