I’m writing anonymously because I don’t want anyone I know seeing this …
Myself and my partner have been together 7 years , we have a 3 year old daughter. He was supportive throughout my pregnancy , apart from not understanding some things I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive partner. He has a son prior to us being together. He was too scared to be at the birth which I was hurt and upset about but I had my mum with me, he now regrets not being there. After I had my daughter he initiated sex roughly 8 weeks after , I wasn’t ready and I was also breastfeeding day and night so felt rubbish, and I did tell him I was scared and maybe not ready , he said let’s just try it and if you don’t want to continue then we’ll stop. I didn’t want him to feel rejected so went along with it , I know I should’ve been stern and said no but for some reason I didn’t. My daughter had a lot of health difficulties which became more apparent as she got to around 6 months old. During the time when she was born to this age he’d do similar and became annoyed if I didn’t want to have sex with him. I rmeneber the arguments we’d have , he’d go downstairs in a huff texting me saying I’m making him feel unwanted and accused me of being with other men and wanting other men …. This wasn’t true at all I just was struggling with breastfeeding and my daughter as I said had alot of health difficulties which meant she didn’t eat until she was about 2 or drink.. so I was still solely breastfeeding day and night, I didn’t want to go out anywhere because I knew I’d have to breastfeed, I couldn’t leave her with anyone. It took a huge toll on me mentally. If sex ever came about I noticed I started feeling this overwhelm of really not wanting to and what I am thinking now is that it’s because I felt pressured for however many years and made to feel bad for not wanting to.. he’d come back from work late and I would be asleep and he’d try it with me and I remember almost flinching at the thought of him touching me. It got really bad and I feel guilty for feeling that way. He did not leave me alone and day in day out I’d be guilt tripped accused of seeing other men and wanting other men even tho I didn’t go out and I the fact I’m in a committed relationship …. It was relentless. He’d try it when he knew I didn’t want to do it. This went on and on and fast forward to October 2025 we had broken up. I slept with him a few times when we were broken up because I didn’t want to upset him , a few times I wanted to a bit. If we had an argument he’d then tell my family and friends that we’d slept together and kind of use it against me in a weird sort of way. He’d say she’s sleeping with me but doesn’t want to be with me. I couldn’t tolerate being round him anymore … he would shout he came across defensive I felt like I was suffocating so I ended it. He’d always find a way into my home weither it was asking to use the toilet when collecting our daughter and then not leaving until she went to bed … I said I was tired so I was going to go up to bed. He took this as come up with me not to leave … he came up and was clearly expecting something. I said I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t mind him chilling but I was going to sleep.. he said that there was no point him being here if we weren’t going to sleep together I said okay… kind of reiterated what I said about not minding him chilling but I was going to sleep. I fell asleep and woke up a while later to his hands up my top… I said what are you doing sort of thing I’m asleep and I’ve told you no. He said okay sorry… 10 mins later the exact same thing happened and I said I’ve said no get off me …. I fell asleep again and woke up to him humping me… he had clothes on but it still made me uncomfortable. I. Don’t know if I overreacted but I basically threw him out the house , he said he was sorry and didn’t like that I was trying to make out he was in his words a weirdo and that he was just trying to get me in the mood and see if I would change my mind ….. I didn’t talk to him for a while after that because I felt weird towards him..
Fast forward we’re back together now. Should I have even done that and rekindled ? I feel like I don’t even want to sleep with him now because of all them years of pressure and obviously the last situation. He says he feels unwanted and he’s sorry but still says he was just trying to get me in the mood.
he also is relentlessly checking my phone .. walks passed and taps and has a scroll then walks off. He doesn’t notice I’ve realised he’s doing it.
I feel like there’s a stigma around sex with him now 😣😣😣😭