to be annoyed at my parents?

[tortoiseSHELL]

I have NEVER posted in this section before, but want to vent....and please do feel free to answer yes if you think so!

A bit of history - my parents live 300 miles away, and are useless at visiting. If we want to see them, we go up to visit. My mum hasn't visited since last July, my dad since a year before that. Furthermore, my dad had a virus in January, so we were 'banned' for a few months, in case we had germs.

So since Christmas, we have seen my parents for 2 hours when we met at a service station. I can't see them in the summer I don't think. Also in September is our 10th wedding anniversary. So we thought perhaps dh and I could go away for 2 or 3 nights on our own - we have not done this since ds1 was born - he is now 7.

I phoned my mum to see if she would be prepared to have the kids for 2 or 3 nights in Oct half term. But no. They are planning a trip to Norfolk.

This annoys me on a few levels. They are prepared to travel 300 miles to go to Norfolk but not to visit us. We have NEVER asked them to look after the kids before and it is a special anniversary. We have NO babysitting here - haven't had a night out on our own for years - literally.

What do you think? Our choice to have the kids, our problem, or mean parents?

bit mean of them- have they ever said why they don't come to visit you ?

Just peeked at your profile - your children are just gorgeous - cannot believe that your parents don't make an effort to see them.

I suppose yes it was your choice to have kids and therefore are your problem when it comes to going out/away for a weekend, but I think it is nice for grandparents to make an effort for a special occasion.

My parents looked after my two last September when DH and I went away for a long weekend to Monaco/Nice to celebrate 20 years of marriage.

When we lived down south, my parents travelled from Leeds every 6 weeks or so to see us (this was before DS's were born) and when DS1 arrived - there was no stopping them.

How about changing your weekend so that they wont be away?

I think if your parents have already planned time away then that they are not being unreasonable.

Change the weekend and call their bluff!

why don't you change the date of your weekend and ask them again?

If they still fob you off, then you'll know that they are not interested which is sad so you're not being unreasonable but may be something you have to out up with.

And start/join a babysitting circle

No, they haven't planned it - it's more something they 'might do'.

We can't change the weekend, because we both work on Sundays, so it would have to be that one in half term

Thank you bellavita! We think they are lovely too!

put up with

I know what you mean, and you're not being unresonable by wishing they were different, but they're not, so in the end, if you expect anything from them, it sounds like you'll just be disappointed. Have you tried talking to them about it. It is a bit crazy that they don't takw this opportunity to see their grandchildren, it may help if you understand why

gorgeous kids.

what about if your dh spoke to them - in a few days/wks saying he knew they had said no but he was trying to plan a suprise dinner blah blah and he would be v v grateful etc etc (you see what i mean!) pehaps they would do it if he asked??

I don't think that would work - good idea, but they are masters of creating problems!

I really don't think they have any comprehension of what bringing up 3 children with NO relatives near by is actually like. My gran lived less than a mile from my parents the whole while we (me and my brother) were growing up, had us overnight about once a fortnight, lunch twice a week, supper once a week, did school pick ups, piano lesson runs, swimming lesson runs. We have no-one. And I just need a break so badly.

What about your brother? Could he help?

no. He lives in the same town as me, and I haven't seen him since before Christmas, because he won't come and see us, despite me constantly inviting him. He drives past our road every day on the day to the gym. There is not a single chance that he would EVER consider helping one ounce.

for you.

How about booking a nice weekend away that has good childcare facilities. I know it is not the same as a romantic couple of nights for two, but at least you would get some time to yourselves for a couple of hours during the day.

Are there any mature teenagers that live round and about - could they not sit a couple of hours for you on a Fri/Sat night so you could go out for a meal? I am sure most teenagers would be up for earning an extra couple of pounds (well £20 in our case for 4 hours sitting)

They sound mean to me - YANBU. at how aften they see their beautiful Grandchildren
Do you have any friends you could ask? Parents of the kids' friends maybe where you could offer to do a swap and return the favour another weekend?

In a year or two we will have some willing babysitters, as lots of kids we know will be old enough and mature enough. But for now we are really stuck.

I just really wanted to get away - I get no time with dh, as the children don't go to bed till really late - ds1 is still up now. If I put him to bed earlier, he lies awake (I still do, but was out this eve, so dh was doing it, and he takes longer).

Hey, nothing wrong with going to bed and lying awake. DS1 is 11 and he has to go at 9.00pm - sometimes it can be 8.30pm if I can see he is rather tired.

Whereabouts are you tortioseSHELL?

We are in SW. I'm just having a mope today, will feel better tomorrow!

why do you never visit your parents? I'm wondering if you have both almost distanced yourselves from each other

(and I'm not very good at distance - how long would it take to travel 300 miles?)

YANBU. I think they are being a bit mean to you.

You have gorgeous children by the way.

I should join/start a babysitting circle or advertise for babysitters.

It is about 5-6 hours drive. I do visit them - I went up last Christmas, and the previous October. But since Christmas they haven't let us go up in case we have any germs, as my dad had this virus. Last half term (May) ds2 had a 'measles-like virus' according to the GP and also chickenpox. Easter we all had coughs. I would go up, but it would cause so much anxiety that they would rather we didn't.

You say you ask your brother over but he doesn't visit you... Just out of interest, do you ever visit him?

I think they sound like switched-off grandparents. Some people get older and find it hard to see outside of themselves.

I ouwld feel aggrieved too.

I think they ABU BUT if they haven't seen the DC for some time, they might feel that they don't really "know" them well enough to look after them without you being there. This is a bit of a poor excuse as they have contributed to not knowing them by not visiting.
I find it interesting that your brother doesn't visit either - have you got a horrible house or something ?

Doesn't your DH have rellys that could have the kidlets for the weekend instead?

Aww your dc are so lovely. If you were in Scotland i'd babysit for you!!!!

We have the same problem with parents and in-laws. Not interested in helping us out or spending time with the dc's.

Their loss but hard when you need a break eh?