to be annoyed at my parents?

[tortoiseSHELL]

I have NEVER posted in this section before, but want to vent....and please do feel free to answer yes if you think so!

A bit of history - my parents live 300 miles away, and are useless at visiting. If we want to see them, we go up to visit. My mum hasn't visited since last July, my dad since a year before that. Furthermore, my dad had a virus in January, so we were 'banned' for a few months, in case we had germs.

So since Christmas, we have seen my parents for 2 hours when we met at a service station. I can't see them in the summer I don't think. Also in September is our 10th wedding anniversary. So we thought perhaps dh and I could go away for 2 or 3 nights on our own - we have not done this since ds1 was born - he is now 7.

I phoned my mum to see if she would be prepared to have the kids for 2 or 3 nights in Oct half term. But no. They are planning a trip to Norfolk.

This annoys me on a few levels. They are prepared to travel 300 miles to go to Norfolk but not to visit us. We have NEVER asked them to look after the kids before and it is a special anniversary. We have NO babysitting here - haven't had a night out on our own for years - literally.

What do you think? Our choice to have the kids, our problem, or mean parents?

WoS - that is difficult as well - he is a tutor in a uni hall of residence, so only has a room, and no front door - and I couldn't take the kids over. I should make more of an effort I know.

No, no way could we ask dh's family either. Same prob really.

YANBU - it's just very difficult to marry up different levels of expectation. Agree witht he idea of changing the date and seeing if they can accomodate that instead - or how about staying somewhere near to where they live, so the DC can stay with them?

Having looked at your photos I think that it is your parents who are really missing out!
However I think that you will have to accept that they are not going to change.

I think you are all right - I am not being unreasonable, but shouldn't expect things to change, cos they're not going to.

I do think part of it is that they had my gran so close by, so every time they wanted to go out, every time they couldn't school pick up, there was someone to do it. My gran took us on holiday most summers - abroad! When I was 3 she took me and my cousin to Jersey for a week - so I think it hasn't occurred to them that it is HARD without any support.

I too would feel irritated if they had lots of support and I had none from them. Understsndable

Those people who suggested changing the date - that's a good idea, except that my mum is a teacher, so we really are tied to school holidays, and they are away over the summer, so would have to be October half term.

They were going to have them over last Christmas - and my mum bring them back here, and I was really hanging on to the idea of a couple of nights with just ds2 - but she forgot to buy the traintickets, and then they were going to be too expensive. And that won't happen now, because I don't think my dad will be left. (He is just turned 60 btw).

Had a quick peek at your profile and your dc's are georgeous! Sorry about your parents I do sympathise as mine and dp's parents are also 'switched off' (pointydog what a great expression).

I agree with bellavita why not book a hotel with good childcare facilities.

Hotel with good childcare isn't really the plan - we don't 'do' hotels generally, and just wanted some time to go away on our own, and get some much needed space - it's been a really really stressful couple of years, and we need space from the relentless putting to bed, having a child in our bed (one of them is always there by 2am), getting them dressed.

I've ditched the idea of going somewhere exciting, still hopeful that if we went somewhere close by they MIGHT co-operate. Assuming they haven't gone on holiday of course.

YANBU - I always find it very odd indeed that retired people who could go on holiday any time, choose peak holiday half terms in which to go away.

My mum isn't retired - that's why!

She's a teacher. But they don't come to see us, saying it's too far to go....

oh I see now she's not retired, sorry should have read the whole thread

Maybe she needs to recharge her batteries in half term?

You say you don't "do" hotels, but if you did "do" hotels (with good childcare facilities) you'd get a break. Just because you havn't done something before doesnt mean you can't do it now.

nametaken, yes, she probably does. That's why I just suggested 2 or 3 nights, at the end of half term. But she is certainly entitled to a holiday!

I think the reason I said that about hotels is because of the expense - if we go away at all we will book a self-catering house, so that there is a chance of relaxing in the evening - in a hotel, you would have to be with your children (wouldn't be happy leaving them in the room), so I just thought for our 10th wedding anniversary we could treat ourselves. Because if the children aren't around, you can go out for a walk in the evening, or a drink in a pub, or whatever really, if the kids are there you sit in the room, and I'd rather spend the money on a 'kids' holiday.

We're a bit rubbish about holidays altogether actually - usually have 1 week in Scotland, in a self catering cabin, and that's it. We never go away in the summer as it is just too expensive.