AIBU to feel out of step as the only one still working?

[Wofflewaffle]

Aibu to feel out of step with my family?

At 53 I’m the only one left working full time.

My parents retired early (at 58 / 60) and live an idyllic life in their country house.
My sister walked away from a stressful job last year. The fact that she doesn’t have children and has married a richer, older man means that she will not be going back to work, and is effectively retiring aged 51.
My DH had a burnout last year. I don’t think he will ever be the same, but he’s better. He has gone part time (50%) with an invalidity pension to made up most - not all - of the difference.

And muggins here carries on working 42 hours a week (full time compressed into term time) and trying to support / parent / fund two teens through school and uni.

i don’t grudge them (maybe I do) but what I’m finding really difficult is that we seem to have so little in common now. All they talk about are expensive improvements on their big homes / gardens (we rent a city centre flat), the latest wildlife that they’ve spotted (if I hear one more red squirrel story I might 🤯), the long country walks that they do, the sauna they are planning to build, etc etc. I plaster on a smile and try to care. When they do ask about my life, it’s really hard not to be snippy about it - the truth is that it’s a grind. When they ask about work, there’s no real interest - it’s more like ‘poor Woffle, such a hard life.. oh look another squirrel! 🐿️

My dad keeps asking when we’re going to retire ‘because every year you work after 60 is 5 years off your life you know Woffle’. Like I have a choice! Two kids still to put through uni, a recently reduced income and me being the main breadwinner? I’m going to be working for a long time to come.

Well in all likehood you’ll inherit some of this vast wealth in the next ten years allowing you to have a good retirement. I’m near your age and the little money my working class parents had, and my husband’s working class parents had, will have all gone on care home fees in the next two years. So we’ll be working for another two decades likely. Be grateful that you have a much higher chance than most of getting an unearned retirement windfall boost. Because there are many who don’t.

I feel for you. My dad goes on holiday at least six times a year, his wife is 60 and hasn’t worked for at least 25 years.
We have a very ill child. I do feel bitter

Also both my siblings live in massive houses. We are the poor relatives

Tell your husband he needs to get a part time job. If he can’t handle a high pressured job tell him to get down the local supermarket.

And as for your children, you don’t need to pay them through uni. That’s a choice. I don’t know anyone whose parents paid for them to go to uni. They all got student loans and part time jobs and funded it themselves.

i think they slightly envy you your busy days op

You definitely need legal advice.
A forensic accountant can be money well spent.
Gather whatever information you can quietly.

I think the OP should stop protecting people around her and tell her family how busy and pressured it is, being the main provider.

They sound spectacularly self absorbed and obtuse.

Honestly, it sounds like just the natural out of step feeling of being at different stages of life.

It's like being the last in your friendship group to have babies if everyone else has teens. Those with teens or uni students are starting to reclaim their own lives, it's a very different phase to the intensity of the toddler stage. Once your kids are at uni, you can do your own thing again, no need to ever worry about school pick up etc. Those with toddlers feel left out when they can't drop things to go to a hastily arranged afternoon at the pub.

Your people are now in the next stage and really, your parents are well into retirement and probably do feel sorry for anyone still working. They've forgotten that it can be fulfilling and may just remember that they're happy to be retired.

I'm kind of in the middle of my group, many friends retired already, me just retired and a few 'annoying friends' who are still at work and we have to schedule catch ups around their jobs. The difference is, my friends are very close to retiring (one at 71) and so they are over the daily drudge and looking forward to retiring.

But, it's different again with younger colleagues, they've got at least another 20 years, so yes, probably can't relate to each other as well as we used to.

I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do, especially with at least another 10 years to work, it's great that you enjoy your job. But, I understand why your mum feels sorry for you that you have to work, neither of you is wrong, but you're each looking at things from a very different perspective.

I completely understand OP. If I am out and about during the day everywhere I go is mobbed. Yes some of them are older and clearly retired and I guess some of them will be SAHM or shift workers. What about everyone else though. Nobody seems to work anymore. Loads of youngsters milling about during the day as well as people in their thirties and forties. Are they all on benefits? I suppose that would make sense given what we keep hearing about soaring benefits. Twenty, thirty years ago if I had a day off and went out it was so quiet as most people were at work. Not now.

Apart from a rant regarding your parents and sister ...which has nothing to do with your life, I would see can my husband and kids relieve my financial stress somehow and if I live in a city centre - yaayyyyyy, I'd be going out for coffees, culture, museums and concerts

"Annoying friends" 🙄

I don't see that where I am. Between 7am and 9am and 5pm -7pm the roads are full of people going to and from work.

34.39 million people are in work, so I don't think ot is true to say "no-one seems to work any more!"

I always think this and it’s much more apparent post-COVID. If I’m on annual leave (not in school holidays) everywhere is as busy as you’d expect it on a Saturday. They can’t all be on annual leave, retired, on maternity leave etc.

There will be shift workers but I think a lot of people are only working part time or not at all.

Many of those 34 million will only be working part time.

8.75 million. 6.20 million of whom are women.

Jealousy is not a good look I’m afraid. Most people don’t want to work. Why would they? I retired early & am so much happier now, but I do get snipey comments from others sometimes which is sad. Why would I go to work every day if I can afford not to?

Some people do want to work. They may enjoy the job or the social side, though appreciate some jobs may be better than others for this. I worked with a colleague who retired late 70s, more due to health than actually wanting to.

So anyone who is still working at 53 is a 'muggins'. The majority of the population. The typical retirement age for women is 64 and that is likely to go up as the retirement age goes up. That's an awful lot of time for an awful lot of people who are making a significant contribution to society muggins. I am very happy using my brain, contributing to society and paying my fair share of tax. If you think that makes me a muggins it says more about you than about your situation.

That's bollox. Anyone with a brain wants to work. Not everything in life is about money.

This. Only one of my friends retired before aged 56.
As hard as it is OP, please don't compare.
Working to 60 and beyond is the norm for most.

@HoskinsChoicenope. At just over 50 and half way thru my second MSc (updating knowledge) I would LOVE to NEVER work again.
after being career minded and ambitious all my life I’m seriously at the fuck it stage
Like OP many of my friends are very part time, as and when
Yes it is “poor look 👀 “ but I’m jealous AF
OP

Because for some, work is more than about earning money.
Each to their own.

Wow.

I initially thought that same....but on reflection think the poster put that in inverted commas for a reason. It was a joke. I don't think they actually think those friends are annoying....just that their situation is annoying as they can't make impromptu get togethers :)

Or, like my sister in law she's so extrovert/sociable that she continues working for that reason....
Or my sister who gets a lot of self esteem through work as she's the one everyone goes to for advice as she worked in her job for just over 30yrs (midwife)

Also, maybe it's due to an ageing population, many people working from home and nipping out briefly and/or lots of youngsters struggling to get even minimum wage jobs as the job market is so dire 😕😕