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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be concerned about paddle boarding safety after last year?

30 replies

TownClown59 · 06/06/2026 22:51

DH and I have had an argument tonight. For context, last year he and my eldest DD went camping with friends and he had sent me pictures of them paddle boarding. My DD wasn’t wearing a life jacket. This obviously sparked a conversation, he explained that they didn’t have one to use and because of that, they just stayed in the shallows and didn’t stand up and DD was sitting in front of him the whole time. Obviously I highlighted how a whole host of things could have happened out with his control and doesn’t matter whether he could see the bottom or not.

Fast forward to now, he suggests we look at getting paddle boards which I’m up for but mentioned this incident last year and that I would need to trust if he ever used them with both DDs, he would take their safety really seriously. He said he obviously would however didn’t acknowledge that there was a lapse in judgment previously. I wasn’t looking to rehash old issues but just hear him accept maybe his decision to do that last year, wasn’t the most responsible but he doesn’t agree. This concerns me that he won’t accept any fault in his decision making. He has said though if we got paddle boards he would of course use the appropriate safety measures. I think I’m just irritated by his arrogance here. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed?

He is a wonderful, loving and hands on Dad for the record. I just think his ‘I know best’ complex doesn’t allow him to see risks. That worrries me.

OP posts:
Johnogroats · 06/06/2026 22:55

How old are the DC? I used to insist… but now they are adults.

Wasywasydoodah · 06/06/2026 22:55

There are other safety measures he’d need to think about. Eg knowing the very significant impact of wind and tides, the correct tether, having emergency contact measures, the right clothing. Does he know this? If not, you’re best booking a course or joining a club to learn

TownClown59 · 06/06/2026 22:56

Johnogroats · 06/06/2026 22:55

How old are the DC? I used to insist… but now they are adults.

So my eldest was 5 when he had her on one last year. So she absolutely should have had one on!

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 06/06/2026 22:57

Definitely ditto to going on a course as there is a lot to learn and you don't mess with water.

Whatsyourcakevice · 06/06/2026 22:58

At 5 yes I’d say a life jacket is essential

Coulddowithanap · 06/06/2026 23:07

Can you get a life jacket for her?

TownClown59 · 06/06/2026 23:10

Coulddowithanap · 06/06/2026 23:07

Can you get a life jacket for her?

Yes I absolutely can. My AIBU was more about how he won’t accept any lapse in judgement for not using one before. Surely he would reflect on that and think it wasn’t a wise choice but he doesn’t see it like that at all

OP posts:
Agoddessonamountaintop · 06/06/2026 23:16

Sailing clubs have rules that no one can go on (or sometimes even near) the water without a life jacket. Bear in mind that there will usually be rescue boats on duty and other sailors looking out for each other.
edit: they were at sea with no safety boat nearby and no awareness of the dangers of tide and wind.
They should both have been wearing life jackets and yes, a course is probably necessary, hopefully to drum in basic irrefutable safety measures.

Johnogroats · 06/06/2026 23:30

At 5 on a paddle board, you’re absolutely right. A life jacket is essential. What is he thinking off. We insisted kids wore them on kayaks (in a lake where it’s 23 degrees) until they were c12 or maybe older. And fit and confident swimmers.

billeth · 06/06/2026 23:56

Surprised anyone had said YABU. Of course they should have a life jacket on at 5!

spicysalad · 07/06/2026 01:20

I would be furious if one of mine were allowed on a paddleboard without a life jacket

CombatBarbie · 07/06/2026 02:45

At 5, fuckimg hell I would have been livid!! Mine are older teens but rule is, no jacket, no going on the water. Simple.

Pinkissmart · 07/06/2026 06:09

There is no way I would let my child on one without a life jacket. Your husband was being a complete idiot

steff13 · 07/06/2026 06:22

YANBU. I wouldn't let my kids paddle board without a life jacket any more than I would let them ride in a car without a seatbelt.

I went kayaking in a cave last fall and they wouldn't let us do it without a life jacket. It's just standard water safety.

FrenchT0ast · 07/06/2026 06:27

I feel your pain. I was always queasy about paddle boards. My husband never got it.We live in an area with a lot of beaches and most of the summer are on them. The paddle boards caused so many arguments as I spent every day on the beach constantly watching and worrying. It’s worse when they’re teens. One day my kids with a friend paddleboarded way too far out and couldn’t hear us telling them to come back.Some lovely people on the beach saw our distress and went out in a canoe to get them back. Yes they had life jackets and knew the rules but still they got carried away. All were fine but we all learnt something that day.

LanyardSpaghetti · 07/06/2026 06:33

Life jacket with crotch straps (distinct from a buoyancy aid) for a kid that young. e.g. Crewsaver Spiral Buoyancy Aids - Feelfree Kayaks UK

Buoyancy aid for stronger swimmers who can reliably self-rescue onto the board and are able to swim well in rough water in a wetsuit and buoyancy aid. (Does DH meet those criteria?)

Leash to attach to the paddleboard.

Out of interest, were they on the sea, or a lake?

Crewsaver Spiral

Crewsaver Spiral Buoyancy Aid for sale from Feelfree Kayaks UK - fast online delivery or nationwide in-store collection

https://www.feelfree-kayaks.co.uk/products/crewsaver-spiral-100n

MyThreeWords · 07/06/2026 06:40

You say that perhaps you are just irritated by his arrogance, his "I know best" attitude. But, kindly, could he not say the same about you when you second-guess his judgement in a situation where you were not even present to assess the risk yourself?

It is always harder for the absent parent not to feel afraid at the thought of their children doing something challenging, precisely because they weren't there.
It was scary for you because you didn't have the second-by-second awareness that he did, you weren't the one making the constant assessment of risk and mitigation.

If I was your husband, I would feel quite offended by you rehashing your anxieties about a wonderful experience that he gave to his daughter, especially since it sounds like he has already promised to follow all safety requirements in future.

If he feels that you are too caught up in 'managing' his way of being with the children, you might accidentally be giving him the message that you are the default parent, the one with the entire mental load, even in your absence. And that is likely to erode his relationship with the children and with you.

LanyardSpaghetti · 07/06/2026 06:46

I'm guessing the board was owned by friends? I'm pretty sure whenever I've seen boards for hire, they come with at least a buoyancy aid and a clear requirement to wear it correctly, for both adults and kids.

TownClown59 · 07/06/2026 12:02

MyThreeWords · 07/06/2026 06:40

You say that perhaps you are just irritated by his arrogance, his "I know best" attitude. But, kindly, could he not say the same about you when you second-guess his judgement in a situation where you were not even present to assess the risk yourself?

It is always harder for the absent parent not to feel afraid at the thought of their children doing something challenging, precisely because they weren't there.
It was scary for you because you didn't have the second-by-second awareness that he did, you weren't the one making the constant assessment of risk and mitigation.

If I was your husband, I would feel quite offended by you rehashing your anxieties about a wonderful experience that he gave to his daughter, especially since it sounds like he has already promised to follow all safety requirements in future.

If he feels that you are too caught up in 'managing' his way of being with the children, you might accidentally be giving him the message that you are the default parent, the one with the entire mental load, even in your absence. And that is likely to erode his relationship with the children and with you.

I do get this and have told him that this isn’t my opinion of him as a parent as a whole but in this one situation, yes, I do think he made the wrong decision. I think it’s important to accept what we don’t know, he isn’t an experienced water sports person, he made a decision which I don’t agree with and feel like it’s common sense to look back and reflect on that and think “ok maybe I shouldn’t have done that”. Hearing him accept this wasn’t the safest thing to do, would give me confidence in future that he doesn’t just go for it because he forget to lift a lift vest. Even if the water conditions are ok and it’s shallow, things can change in a minute.

OP posts:
TownClown59 · 07/06/2026 12:04

LanyardSpaghetti · 07/06/2026 06:46

I'm guessing the board was owned by friends? I'm pretty sure whenever I've seen boards for hire, they come with at least a buoyancy aid and a clear requirement to wear it correctly, for both adults and kids.

Yes, they were his friends. So I do think it would be different if we invested in our own equipment, but for peace of mind would appreciate him acknowledging this wasn’t a safe decision in the past and one he wouldn’t make again.

OP posts:
Chocolatestain · 07/06/2026 12:31

I totally agree with you OP. If your DH is going to take young children paddle-boarding then he needs to accept that his understanding of water safety is limited and do something about it. Could they all join a local paddle boarding club or take some lessons? Surely his child’s safety is more important than his bruised ego.

Different scenario, but I had a really scary experience last summer rescuing two young kids who’d got into trouble in the sea. The parents had assumed that at it was a family beach with a long stretch of shallow water, they’d be perfectly safe on their own. In reality there were a big waves, a fast incoming tide and a strong undertow, which meant they ended up out of their depth and panicking. It’s easy to make assumptions about water being safe when you heave no understanding of winds, tides and currents.

GingerBeverage · 07/06/2026 12:35

I suppose it also impacts your child's idea of what 'safe' actually means. So it's worth reiterating to her that she needs to wear one.

FruitFlyPie · 07/06/2026 12:49

Hmm, not sure about this one. Obviously they should have had a life jacket but your dd is fine and he has agreed they will wear one in the future. I'm not sure if making him say "I was wrong" or similar would really add to this.

Floppyearedlab · 07/06/2026 12:57

I am an adult, a very strong swimmer and experienced on a paddle board
I wear a life jacket
It’s nothing to do with age.

Sillyname63 · 08/06/2026 19:52

Google " Paddleboard Deaths Pembrokeshire" four people died because of lack of duty of care, the organiser was jailed. Even experienced adult paddleboarders
Can get it very wrong. Don't take a chance.

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