to be annoyed that my MIL never lifts up my DS?

[Gateau]

She takes an interest in him (he's 14 months old and adorable) - but it's "from a distance". She hasn't picked him up in weeks and weeks and, while she said she couldn't wait to see him after her holiday, seemed to prefer to stand and gossip in the kichen with my DH than play or spend time with him.
My mum is quite the opposite- she can't get enough of him. She lifts him, feeds him, plays with him and sings to him. And that's a fact - it's not me just being partisan. But it winds me up that my MIL lives close to us and barely takes an interest and then is devastated and can't uderstand that I want us to move away and be nearer to my Mum who is brillinat with him. I miss her and I feel we are depriving her of our DS.
I have tried to reason things out - maybe my MIL isn't confident (partic because her husband is so good with my DS). But the way she is just winds me up.

Some Grand-parents can be like that. My mum is the same as yours and MIL is a bit more reserved.

Is she very old?

Nope; she's in her mid-50s. Ten yrs younger than mine.

ignore and accept it. some people are jsut like this and it wont change. dont worry, it sounds as though he has alot of attenton from your mum

Count yourself lucky that you have at least one grandparent who is hands on. Many of us don't even have that.

Im sure she loves him loads, but just doesn't show as much as your mum.

I would not let it upset you.

My MIL is a bit like this - she'll say how much she wants to see her grandchildren, but then when she's here, she'll sit and talk about herself for hours and ignore them. If she does ever do anything with them, it's something that suits her, like shopping (yes very appealing for young boys). I think some people like the idea of being a loving grandparent, but when it comes to it can't really be bothered.

Maybe she's just not very interested in babies and toddlers? (My MIL is the same, and openly admits that she finds them rather dull). Doesn't mean she doesn't love your ds though.

She might be one of those grandparents who come into their own when children are older and do more.

I am sure that a lot of people would be pleased to swap-the usual threads are from people who have the opposite problem and they don't like MIL picking up the DC!

Well, not everybody is massively into little children. You can't really condemn someone for that.

Perhaps she just likes being around a busy family and isn't really sure how to muck in with a toddler. Why not hand him to her and see what she does.

I know I'm not interested at all in children - apart from my own fascinating specimens of course! - and would really rather not pick them up, kiss them goodbye etc.

You can't let other people dictate your life though. Just live where you want to live whether it be near your MIL or your mum or neither.

goingslowlymad said 'Count yourself lucky that you have at least one grandparent who is hands on. Many of us don't even have that.'

I say : Count yourself lucky that you have at least one grandparent. Full stop'.

Not saying your situ is not sad - it is and what makes me feel sad is that we had a really hands on grandparent who adored every second that she had with her g/children and we lost her suddenly two and a half yrs ago and still all miss her terribly . So my dc 12 and 7 don't have any grandparents.
And yet some gparents don't seem to really enjoy the role at all. I suppose that is life.
Sorry, rambling now.

I am truly sorry to hear about all those people who have lost parents and GPs.

But it does annoy me when people use this as an example to be grateful for any relative regardless of how badly behaved they are. It's weird.

My MIL constantly undermines me with catty comments but I'm supposed to be grateful she's still around? Why would I be grateful that such a mean woman is in my life?

Can she physically lift a toddler? Neither my mum or my MIL are able to lift DS (aged 2 and skinny). They picked him up as a baby and they pick up my DD who is still a baby.

Milkmonitor you asked people to comment when you posted here. I would not say that not picking up a child is badly behaved. Your last comment suggests you just want to indulge in some mil bashing.

My DDs have been lucky as their great-grandmother likes to get down on the floor and play with them.
And she is 86! but she loves children and likes to laugh a lot.

What Muffin said - maybe she'll know what to do with him more when he's a bit bigger.

A friend of mine is having the opposite problem at the moment - her MIL visits all the time, plays with her DS but completely ignores her after 5 minutes. It drives her mad.

No, Mamablue. My last post was in response to this statement:

'Count yourself lucky that you have at least one grandparent who is hands on. Many of us don't even have that.'

Thanks for learning to read.

If she's a mean woman who makes catty, undermining comments, I would probably be happy for her to keep her distance from my children.

So, your mother adores your son and is great with him. Your father in law adores your son and is great with him. Your mother in law adores your son (can't wait to see him after your holiday) but isn't completely great with him.

Yes. You have much to complain about.

My mil ha salways been a bit like that. She wants the grandchildren to be around but prefers chatting to the adults. She's old now, though. And she was much more hands on with her first two grandchildren.

Milk monitor. I can read very well thank you. Perhaps your mil is too scared to pick your DS up for fear of reprisal. You seem to be easily offended.

I can understand where your coming from but as others have said some gp's like lo's some don't.
My il's are great with my dc's , sadly my mum isn't here anymore but my dad does very little with my lo's.
Ihave often wondered if my life and the dc's would be better if we lived near the il's and not my dad. He just doesn't seem to get enjoyment out of them.
I t is hurtful to an extent but i have just decided to let it go ad if he wants to spend time with them he will if not then it's his loss and my dc's have lot's of love/support anyway.

Some people are just like that. My in-laws like to say they love the kids, but I don't buy it. DD was picked up once in 3 years and carried at arms length like a dirty diaper, then quickly handed off to another relative. They think children are not welcome at the table during mealtimes - even when at MY house.
Perhaps your MIL is more of a children should be seen and not heard person? I am sorry that she isn't interested in being physically affectionate. I don't agree that any GP is better than none, as kids are very aware of whether they are liked or not.
Do you think your MIL loves the idea of being a GP or really loves your son? If she loves him, then maybe you can mention how much he loves to be held/kissed/danced with, etc.

Mamablue, what are you on about?

I never said my MIL doesn't pick up my DCs.

Think you've misread the OP's name.

My mum was always very interested in my DCs but was not soooo cuddly and affectionate as my Dad. Not that she does not love them as much as he does but she is just not quite so comfortable with small babies. (She admits this herself)

She still picked them up and loved being with them but was not the same as Dad who had a way of picking them up and tucking them into his (rather large) belly like a rugby ball.

After they grew up a bit Mum really came into her own. She does loads of things wiht them, takes them to parks/swimming/library, craftwork. She is just better with older DCs.

We live in a different country to my Mum but it has not affected her relationship with her GC in the least. In fact, they are closer to her than to MIL who lives nearer.

Perhaps your MIL is like my mum, and will feel more comfortable when your DS is older.

Milk monitor. I owe you an apology I was cross reading your post with the op. I am sorry. I think I had better give up today and stop upsetting innocent posters. Sorry ( I evidently do not know how to read !!)