To question if I should continue to out with my DH

[Pinkbasketcase]

Im curious to see what anyone else would do.

So Everytime we go on a night out or especially to a wedding, I'm left on my own. Family weddings are the worst because I'm left to be with his family whilst he heads off or again sitting on my own. It seems the more drink he gets the less he wants me around. I love to dance.. and when I go on the hunt for him.. he is on the dance floor or at the bar enjoying the fun with others..
Is this weird?

For the posters criticising the OP her DH sticks to her side when they are at events for her family and friends.

If we were at an event where I didn’t really know anyone I would expect DH to be around me more, introducing me to his friends etc and vice versa

Not very nice for him to leave you in a situation where you don't know anyone, but surely at big events, assuming you either know people or he's introuced you to people, he's allowed to socialise?

I'd find it really weird to stay glued to DH'S side.

Yes, but that's you.

But where did I say I sit on the side not talking to anyone? I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to chat with my DH or dance with him at a social event throughout the night.

I also wouldn't class going to a wedding or a big event as a date, it's a social engagement to me - who h means being sociable.

What happens if you go and join him when he's dancing? Surely there is a group dancing and it's not invitation only?

Quiet a few points have missed I believe. But yes I don't think it's fair I'm must stick to his hip whilst at my event but expected to entertain his family or be on my own.

You came on here asking for people's opinions and peope are giving them.

What's the point if you dismiss those opinon as 'but that's you?' - it's what you were asking for? 🙄

My exH was like this. Preferred to drink and party than be with me and our kids. Always had traits of it; we are now divorced after his drinking and flirting pushed him into an affair when both my DC were babies. Couldn't stand the boredom of home life apparently. Second H was fantastic when we were out together, always checking in with me/very entertaining but including me etc.. world of difference. Like a PP, my first H was rarely seen on our wedding night - off smoking joints at every available opportunity, which progressed to ❄️after we had kids. Massive mid life crisis in IMHO. Trust your gut OP.

Why did you ask if you were being unreasonable then? I’m not being mean, from your responses to posts I can see that you have already decided and just want confirmation.

Exactly

Hide from him
Im sorry but this made me laugh! Im imagining op under a table or behind some coats in a cloakroom and jumping out saying 'surprise, surprise!!!

My understanding is, when we go out together...we go out together..- It's like going a date!

Your issue is seeing a wedding or a social night out, as ‘date night’.

It’s a social event where you mingle with other people.
If you were just going to stay with your DP the whole time then you could have just stayed at home together.

If you two are going out for a meal together, just the two of you on a date night and he disappears - then yes that would annoy me.

But if he’s socialising whilst at a social event then you don’t have any reason to be annoyed.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been on the way to the bar or toilet and a great song has come on so I’ve headed to the dance floor instead or got chatting to someone.

We would separate at a party too. I get on great with his Dsis and Dbro. It wouldn’t bother me if he went wandering as long as he returned at different times. I’m probably the one who goes walking around talking to different people.

Wow this is awful behaviour he actually ignores you on the dance floor. Yeah I’d be continuing the ignoring and he wouldn’t see me for dust.

Hmmm, is there somebody at these events in your social or family circle that maybe he doesn't want to see him loved up with his wife.
Because similar happened to my Dsis, turns out Dbil was having an affair with someone very close to home.
Sorry posted too soon but he was obviously spinning the OW the line that he and Dsis were only still together for the kids and were divorcing 'soon'

You don't have to be stuck to him at your social events, presumably you choose to stay with him. Wander off and talk to other people at your events if that's what you want? Social events with family and friends are not date nights, they're for you to socialise with others. Date nights are for just the two of you.

Ohmigoodness your poor sister! Like what did he get out of doing that to her and their kids!

I think people are missing the fact that, we do not get out often together, we do see social events as having time together and socializing with others, his NEW behavior is clearing off, which nearly feels like avoiding me.

I appreciate other people's views/opinions. However for us we normally stay together and socialize together when at these events, we have always done this- yes he will go to the bar and chat or get distracted. HOWEVER, he would come back to me. There has been a shift which I feel is odd and not normal for us. At my family events he would be stuck to my hip and not like me leaving him on his own.

we normally stay together and socialize together when at these events, we have always done this- yes he will go to the bar and chat or get distracted. HOWEVER, he would come back to me. There has been a shift which I feel is odd and not normal for us.

So this is what needs raising. I would also notice an be unhappy about it (and would be wondering if there was some reason why he doesn’t want me around at these events).

Do you still have a normal vibe at home or if you go out just the two of you?

Woah, @Pinkbasketcase , if you read my first contribution to the thread, and indeed the one you're objecting to, you can see that I am very much on your side. I think a couple should have each other's backs while out, and check in on each other, and spend some time apart and some together but with a mn eye to the other one being ok throughout. Neither person should be left on their own sadly, while their spouse dances with others and avoids them. And equally, neither person should expect their partner to do all the social heavy lifting for them and just stand next to them expectantly waiting to be brought in.

I think your DH is not thinking of you quite enough, and you should have a chat. I don't think you are hanging around being clingy, from what I can see.

The other example I gave was of a different kind of weird behaviour- and yes it was weird. The women were perfectly happy socialising around the room talking to their own friends, both male and female. They were not left out or sad they were socialising separately..But the men seemed to cluster in awkward single sex groups. When I, a woman, broke into any such group and participated in chatting - because that's what skilful social interaction, and being a good guest,looks like - the women stopped what they were doing and came to join. It was funny because it was done hastily as though there was some terrific social dangers afoot. And I tested it by doing it several times. I could only conclude that in their rather provincial setting, my behaviour was a discomforting break from the norm.

These weren't women who wanted to spend time with their spouses or were sad that they had been ditched by their spouses during thr party. They were territory marking, in a genuinely weird and completely unnecessary way.

Having said that, if that is someone's expectation in their relationship - that they guard their spouse from laughing in a group with someone of the opposite sex - then yes I do judge that, it's a silly attitude which lacks social nuance. If you think that's reasonable then maybe the problem does lie with you, though I originally thought you had a very reasonable point.