Spending ‘His’ bonus on the car

[Whyaretheytalkingaboutchristmasforgodsake]

Dh works Mon-Fri-8 hours
I work part time but do the majority of everything else.
I rarely spend on myself, not being a martyr about it, but any money we have after mortgage, bills, food etc tends to go on Dd, I’ve recently got us all new spring/summer clothes, Dd lots more than us. I don’t have hobbies and rarely drink, don’t do beauty treatments etc, my only spend on myself really is clothes and coffee out sometimes
I earn a bit less than Dh
Last month I worked a lot and was tired, Dh did too and got a bonus of £600.
We are in the middle of doing some things on the car which cost a fair bit.
We were both moaning a bit about it, how we could have had a little break etc, but it’s life. He was complaining that he was spending his bonus on the car when it should be spent on something on him as he worked so hard
I said the car was being paid for out of both of out wages and feel a bit pissed off that he would happily spend it all on himself, but my earned wages just go on everything else.
He spends money on his hobby, drinks and lunches out with friends (more than I do) He recently bought himself a smart watch, trainers etc. I just wouldn’t go out and buy myself a watch, should I just be doing the same? Is this a bit off or is it justified that it was his bonus so to spend as he wishes?

So now you know his position on money.

Re-adjust yours?

I think if the car expense could be paid for out of your usual wages over a couple of months, say, it would be nice to treat yourselves to reward hard work - either split the bonus between you or spend it on a weekend away, you deserve it and life is too short.

Sorry but I don’t comprehend how buying all new clothes for spring/summer 2026 is any more responsible or frugal than buying a smartwatch and trainers?

As far as the principle of things, I do think some part of a bonus should be available for the person to treat themselves.

I think you need to sit and re work how you sort your finances.

it would be good to pool money - pay out the essentials and then decide how much fun money you have left each. It should be fair. Then it’s up to you each what you spend that on. You can also then decide where bonus’s go.

you can have a holiday pot and en emergency pot that you put money into.

So the bonus went on car repairs, not buying some flash new car? That sounds… well, boring but necessary. And certainly not something to complain about.

Did you buy your DHs clothes for spring summer??

How do you manage your money? It sounds like you'd be best to combine everything then each get an equal allowance to spend as you wish.

I'd expect my dh to be on board with the money and budgeting. If we had different sending habits the above is fairest and prevents judgement.

It sounds like you need to agree budgets, and some guidelines about what is fun money and what is necessary bills. The money spent on car repairs sounds more essential than money spent on clothes.

There was a thread the other day about finances in a relationship and I commented that not being aligned financially is game over.

It causes friction, tension, resentment and hostility on top of anxiety if things start to get rough.

My recent bonus got split 50:50, although most of it got invested with the rest for my wife and I to enjoy a little treat each.

My exh used to spend money like water.. Only when I started matching his spending did it cotton in to him how much he was imo wasting. Eventually his web of deceit over his spending ended our marriage..

You've said you earn only a bit less than DH, so yeah you can probably choose to spend more on things for yourself if you want to? Its really boring/soul sapping just keeping tabs on what each other is spending and keeping a resentful tally in your head. If you are both able to prioritise essential spend (e.g car repairs) and aren't getting into debt on 'extras' then just each do your own thing. If that doesn't feel sufficiently 'fair' then both pay in a similar amount per month to a shared bills account to cover all core costs plus a bit more to allow build up of a bit of reserve for extras like car/house repairs and shared treats like dinners out), and each keep the rest or split the rest equally to do with what you wish.

I agree with pp's. I also think you should combine your earnings and then all expenses come from this combined amount. Also decide how much of the combined money should go into a savings pot, so you have savings for unexpected expenses and holidays. Then, with the remainder, you split it to spend however you wish.

Decide if you want to handle bonuses differently e.g., does the person who receives the bonus get to keep a portion, or all of it, or does some of it go into savings - it's something you both have to agree on.

This seems the fairest way- the way you're currently dealing with this isn't working.

Because I got them for all of us and it’s things we *Need, a smartwatch isn’t

Yes, this is the thing, all our money is together so I got us all summer clothes we all need

It’s all combined basically for everything but we don’t have an arrangement of one can have X amount etc, maybe we should, but we often don’t have much left over!

How can you possibly have ALL needed new summer clothes at the same time though? I can understand that for a child but not for an adult, unless you lost everything in a fire or something.

Maybe he wanted the watch more than the clothes? Could you return his new clothes?

(sorry, edited for typos)

Who chose his?

im just interested to know how you work the money out.

i wouldn’t buy my husband clothes. He chooses and buys his from his money and same for me. Then we both may order stuff for the kids from the joint account.

Yeah your budgeting sounds a bit all over the place. If it’s all combined then you need some sort of agreement.

as adults we wear the same summer clothes each year and maybe choose 1-2 things new each but buy our own. Kids obviously need more but not loads and we can pass some down.

I'd sit down with him and agree that you each get equal fun money that you can spend on yourself no questions asked. Work out together what this covers and how much you each get. That's the fair way to do it. If he does not agree because "you work less or earn less" then the conversation needs to be around your return to full time work and all the home chores that he will take over to facilitate that.

Why do you “need” new spring and summer clothes? Are the previous ones literally falling apart, or do you mean that you wanted some newer ones?

Why have you bought everyone new clothes? I never buy new stuff just because the seasons change or for going on holiday we just use what we have. What a waste of money!

YABU not to treat yourself. You deserve it.

I have never in my life ever bought brand new clothes for all of the family at the beginning of a "season". Adults just wear the clothes they wore last year. Kids obviously need clothes in bigger sizes, but usually more in dribs and drabs rather than all in one go. And often from Vinted or ebay.
To me that seems excessive unnecessary spending. And how are trainers different to clothes?

Your posts give the impression that neither one of you is using the family income wisely, new summer clothes for the whole family is wasteful, especially if you often don't have much money to spare.

You both have to sort out a proper budget so all essentials are budgeted for and you're also saving money weekly/monthly to pay for unexpected expenses that will crop up, such as car repairs, replacing a broken washing machine or whatever. Once you've worked out how much is needed for all this throughout the year, then you can look at what's left and have that as money to spend on the fun stuff.

I would think most people would need a new update of a few bits every year or two. As I say that and nice coffees out occasionally are really all
I spend on myself