AIBU to think a swearing shopper should have been asked to leave?

[Nofunnybusiness]

In a small charity shop with DC3, a man with what appears to be learning /speach difficulties appears agitated and starts repeatedly telling the x2 men he is with (assume his carers) to F Off. The other men do not seem to be doing anything to calm the situation or stop him swearing. A member of staff walks past and appologies to me for his language, I ask if the manager is about and if he can be asked to leave the shop. Another shopper hears this and is absolutely horrified that I have asked if he can leave, her view is that we should just ignore him as he doesn't know what he is saying (I'm not convinced about that). The shop lady did say she was not going to ask him to leave and they did leave quite quickly after that, although not straight away. Generally interested to hear your thoughts!

What the actual heck are you even jabbering on about 😂😂😂
Disempowering the well.... The power was in the OPs legs to leave if she had a problem.

Do you think someone swearing makes them unwell? 😂 If so, you are most definitely on the wrong site

This would have been a perfect time to explain to your kids that we act with kindness towards people who think and behave differently from us. I would imagine the carers in question had a strategy in place to support the man and that might have been to ignore his words and redirect his attention. They will know him best: if they don't seem worried, I would take my cue from that.

It would also be perfectly acceptable to explain to your children that you are going to leave to make a bit more space for the man. This man was somebody's child once and he may have been indistinguishable from your kids until an illness/accident/mental health situation gave him some difficulties.

I want my child to grow up to be a considerate citizen who thinks about the needs of others and has some understanding of challenges faced that they have been spared. I would also feel incredibly blessed that might children aren't facing those difficulties, but it is luck that is responsible for that. I hope you continue to be lucky in that regard, OP, and that you encourage compassion towards those less fortunate in your children as they grow.

This.

2:1 carers and you think he should be asked to leave? Come on now, you could easily have left if you were that bothered. Go back in 20 mins. Problem solved.

You had an opportunity infront fo DC3 to model empathy and tolerance towards others but instead chose to demonstrate ignorance and entitlement.

People swear in the street, on public transport and in many other places. Not sure why you'd expect a charity shop to be any different. Sometimes your child is going to hear people swear. It's not necessarily pleasant but that's life.

I had similar on the bus two weeks ago. This older guy came on (with a walker) and started calling the driver an effing cxxt. Over and over again. Everyone was getting annoyed. I turned and spoke to him and told him to zip it and that nobody was interested in hearing his abuse. He shut up. People thanked me for speaking up. When he got off he went back into psycho mode. Clearly disturbed but when should others have to put up with it

That’s not remotely similar to the OP situation

Instead of using this as a teaching moment for your DD that not everyone is the same, and that some people may need more accomodation because of their disability; you choose to be annoyed that the individual wasnt made to leave.

Your priorities are skewed.

You should watch that film I Swear, might be insightful

I think it's best to assume that there are things you don't know and that people are doing the best they can. One of my children has complex needs - you wouldn't know it to look at him, and it may look like I'm doing nothing about his behaviour, including swearing. But I'm supporting him and managing his needs and doing my best to ensure it doesn't impact other people directly.

Hi all, thank you to everyone who has commented so far, reading through the posts and with some self reflection, for several reasons I should have just left the shop and gone back later. I think I felt protective of DC and reacted to a man constantly repeatedly swearing, rather than considering he was a man with learning difficulties (that I know little about) I can understand that what seemed like the carers doing nothing may well have been intentional to prevent the situation escalating further.

Some people are living with a disability severe enough that they need 2 carers to help them carry out everyday tasks.

Some people are intolerant arseholes.

Well, they'd already heard them.

Swear words are symbolic of anger and sometimes aggression and would be alarming to children (or adults) who weren't used to them. I hate the way they're being normalised and we're all supposed to just shrug and accept it.

The man may not be able to control his swearing - OK - but his carers should have quietly taken him out of the shop.

I was once pushed over by an aggressive man in a shop (no carers, but clearly had learning difficulties). It wasn't his fault on a deep level but it's not OK for anyone, learning difficulties or not, to behave aggressively verbally or physically in public.
(I was in this man's way as he charged into a shop and he just gave me a massive shove and then shouted at me - I hadn't done anything to provoke him, btw).

I think it's trickier when the behaviour is potentially intimidating and scary to onlookers.

You acknowledge that he has learning disabilities/mental health disorder yet still want him thrown out of the shop. I appreciate it's not pleasant to hear, however the support staff may well be following his behaviour support plan and are ignoring the behaviour as a defusion technique.

Person with additional needs and you decide to be a busybody no wonder the other person made you aware of the fact.

There's a difference between 'thrown out of the shop', which I don't think anyone is suggesting here, and the carers gently and calmly taking him out when he became sweary. I've seen cases where people with LD do things which wouldn't be acceptable otherwise and the happy medium is surely NOT to scold them but to take them out of the situation calmly and do something else - I suppose as you'd do with a screaming child.

Welcome to the real world. People swear and your child will realise that. Had it been a person without additional needs, yes, ask if they can be turfed out. Someone with additional needs, with 2 carers, obviously doesn’t have the ability to ‘read the room’. The world doesn’t revolve around you I’m afraid.

No she is used to living around people with disabilities

@Hoardasurass
Just because somebody has learning difficulties, doesn’t mean that asking them to stop using foul language in front of children, would constitute discrimination ffs! What world are we living in?! Swearing as a result of ticks (ie: Tourette’s) and telling someone to fuck off are quite noticeably different! Good grief

As others have said the fact he had two carers suggests he has very high needs. The carers are likely to ignore the swearing as it may be that he can't help it (tourettes) or maybe they need to ignore it as by engaging with it it leads to more challenging behaviour.

If your child is that young they may not have been aware of bad words being said...and if they were old enough and did notice this suggests they have already been exposed to them and also maybe they are old enough to explain that some people may behave differently.

Well, they'd already heard them.
Well yes, but the OP could use it as a lesson for her kids... If you aren't happy with circumstances, you have the power to leave. Or like others have suggested, use it as a lesson in compassion for learning difficulties.

Swear words are symbolic of anger and sometimes aggression and would be alarming to children (or adults) who weren't used to them. I hate the way they're being normalised and we're all supposed to just shrug and accept it.
Again, nobody has said to shrug and accept it. The OP asked for him to be thrown out and was told no... her option then is to say "I don't want to listen to this, I'm leaving". Plenty of people swear not in anger but in joy or trying to be funny etc. Some people have conditions like tourrettes and can't even contain their use of language.

The man may not be able to control his swearing - OK - but his carers should have quietly taken him out of the shop.
We can all speculate how we would opt to deal with this scenario but realistically the carers are the best placed to know what the safest / most effective way of handling it was. They can't very well remove him from every single public place if this is a constant condition that he maybe doesn't even understand.

We can only control our own actions. The carers didn't remove him, the shop didn't want to remove him, the OP can only remove herself.

Also even if he was sent out of the shop the swearing has already been heard at this point.

Not passing an opinion here, but ime working in charity shops, the carers make a bee-line for those shops - sometimes the only ‘browsing’ places left in high streets.