In-laws: giving child choking hazard sweets!

[WhoSaidWhat123]

I’m sure I’ve made a post before with in-laws giving my 3yo mini eggs. This is after we have told them in the past that these are choking hazards for under 5’s after we found out they were giving them to our, now 8yo, when she was a toddler.

following this I hoped that it has stopped. However they have just brought both DD’s home from school and both were eating a boiled sweet, which again is obviously a choking hazard for young children. What is worse is that it was while they were in the car. And then they come home running around with the sweet in her mouth, luckily I was working from home today and made her spit it out once I realised, AIBU? How do I approach this issue once again? We do, unfortunately, rely on them with picking the girls from school then staying with them for 30-60mins until DH gets home. This is around 3 times a week. I just asked eldest DD how often they have these sweets and she has said every time 😫

also, in-laws stated years ago in conversation that they would not know what to do if DD choked while with them and that they would panic! So why do they give them known choking hazards!

YNBU for being upset for them not learning what to do when and if kids end up choking
YBU for not letting 8 year old chew food. For example, grapes and blueberries are choking hazard. You simply slice grapes and blueberries, you don't ban food. And your children need to practice chewing food. I understand boiled sweets are not the same as blueberries.

Apologies, I am a little confused at your comment about blueberries and grapes and banning food. Nothing is banned, except for boiled sweets and mini eggs for the 3yo. However 8yo is allowed. Grapes and blueberries aren’t banned in this house, I slice grapes and have always pressed down on blueberries, obviously not for 8yo. So a little confused at your comment sorry.

If they won’t do what you’re asking them then you need to get paid childcare in
place.

Gazillions of children have survived confectionery through the ages.

Just be forthright and say absolutely no treats to avoid confusion.

Sorry but I would not leave my children with them. They could die from choking on a boiled sweet and it being in the car is even worse!

It’s not worth the money saved. Use after school clubs or a childminder.

If they are not listening to you the only thing you can do is remove the kids from their care, and pay an after school club or similar. I wouldn't allow my kids to be looked after by people as stupid as this.

Get a grip, it's just some sweets. Probably more likely that they will be injured in a car crash with the in-laws than choke to death on a sweet.

I took your post wrongly. You're not unreasonable to seek different type of childcare if they didn't learn basic first aid choking help.

Nothing you can say or do is likely to stop them unfortunately. You’ve already made it clear that they’re a choking hazard and asked them not to give them and yet they continue to do it. Your choices are either train the kids to say no, and trust that they will (possible with the 8YO but much harder with the 3YO who they actually present the risk to) or sort alternative childcare.

I had lollipops at 5 and gave them to my DC. Do we have to be over 21 now for sweets? Am I missing something?

How long do you think sweets have been around 🤣

And a boiled sweet for a younger child in a car is not ok. What if the brake is applied suddenly and the sweet goes to the back of the throat, and the driver doesn’t notice because the child is in the back.

5 is above the choking age risk, I am talking about my 3yo here.

It’s under 5s that shouldn’t have them due to the choking risk and OP has a 3YO.

Under heavy breaking, wouldn't the sweet and the child's head accelerate at the same rate?

I would just tell them again, 3yo isn't allowed mini eggs or hard boiled sweets as they're a massive choking hazard at that age, could you give them something different thats safe for them both like chocolate buttons? Way easier for them to finish before the drive home than a boiled sweet too.

Could you also teach the 8 year old the rules?

She could speak up and say 3 yo isn't allowed mini eggs/boiled sweets if they bring them out again. Also, tell her it's not safe to be eating hard sweets in a moving car and to make sure her and sister are finished before the car sets off (perhaps she could not fasten her seatbelt until they're both done?).

About 40 under-fives across the UK require hospital treatment every day due to choking incidents. The National Child Mortality Database reported 17 child deaths from choking in England across a 3-year period. Just over half of these were food-related (e.g., grapes, sausages), with sweets and small lollipops listed as common offenders.

A lollipop is probably fine for most kids. But why would you want to be the one that gets unlucky?

Just give them chocolate buttons or haribo FFS

Why risk it? Is it that important they have a boiled sweet you’d risk them choking? Strange attitude…

Oh give over. They could get run over by a bus, fall on the playground and knock their head. They could get sick. There is a balance of living life to its fullest and risk.

We wonder why the z's and alphas are plagued with mental health issues.

Life is for the living, if we suck the joy out if everything then we may as well all get issued with spades and be super prepared for every eventuality.

Hard boiled sweets are lethal if children aren't very used to them.
A child in my daughters class brought in a bag of hard boiled with sherbet and kindly shared them out at lunchtime.
Teacher didn't notice.

They were 8 years of age and a lot of the kids weren't used to them.
A few had issues and started making choking sounds.
One child was struggling for a bit.
It was panic stations when the teacher realised and quickly said to spit them out.

My daughter told me on the way home, she was fine as she bit it almost immediately.
A text went out that evening that they were best avoided.
Apparently the poor teacher got a right scare.

Some children will be fine, but not all.
Not worth risking.

Say to your in-laws that you don't want either child to eat boiled sweets in the car and the 3 year old not ever, until she's at least 5. Ask if they would like you to provide snacks and treats or can you agree between you what is safe. Acknowledge that you are grateful for all their help with childcare but be prepared to make other arrangements if they won't follow your wishes. If you decide you don't trust them make other arrangements.

thank you all for your responses. DH is going to have a chat with them when he sees them next, which should be before they do the school run pick up again. Eldest has been advised to tell them they are not allowed (well 3yo is not allowed) those sweets and has been asked to refuse, which I trust that she will, and to say there’s appropriate sweets/snacks at home which they can have. However youngest is the first to be picked up from nursery, and apparently she has already had one of these sweets before they pick eldest up (who’s school is in the village we live) so I have tried to have the chat with the 3yo and warned her she could choke, but whether she takes that on board when she sees the travelling sweets in the car and can’t resist is another thing! So hopefully DH will ask that they hide the sweets, or refuse when she asks.

I'm 60 and still can't have boiled sweets unless I crunch them straight away as I choked on one when young and had to be tipped upside down and slapped on the back. I hate seeing kids running around with lollies.

I have a fear of grapes and hot dogs - high risk - so YANBU. Even adults choke on food. This was one of the reasons I wouldn't let my mom on her own with the kids. Mind you, I survived.

Can you try to train the kids? Or at the very least only eat when not in motion.

Why risk the car journey? Where had the in-laws taken them?

You need to pay for childcare.
I wouldnt have these people alone with my children.