To think it’s not always that the mum is a narcissist?

[shockingday]

I have 2 daughters 8 and 10 and my eldest is very well behaved, good manners and generally a kind and considerate person.
My youngest is strong willed and can be quite challenging behaviour wise but in her eyes her sister can do no wrong when she’s right in the fact I never need to tell my eldest off because she is always good at home and good at school and wouldn’t want to do anything wrong because it’s just not in her nature so I can see the contrast in how my children will view my parenting towards them as my youngest is quite often doing things she knows she shouldn’t and gets told about things.

It’s got me thinking that when she grows up she might see her sister as a golden child and her as a black sheep and me as a narcissist as lots of children do and claim she was always in trouble and her sister could do no wrong, but actually they are loved just the same but truthfully one is easy and does exactly as she asks and is helpful, chatty and friendly so easy to get along with and the other is defiant a lot of the time and argumentative making it a lot more challenging.

I often hear of narcissistic parents who people feel had favourites who were treated differently and wonder if sometimes, not always but it may not be the case that there was a golden child and a black sheep and that there was actually just a child that was always good and a child that wasn’t?

Except in my experience they're the top achievers. So I doubt they worry about my opinion.

Quiet and struggling is a different category.

In my experience top achievers never just sit there and do the work, they are the ones asking questions and pushing for more information and work.

But I taught mixed ability classes.

Studies have shown that when you label a kid as "good, well-behaved" they will confirm to that stereotype - ditto they will conform to being told they're naughty.

Also, studies have shown the second sibling will often behave opposite to the first in order to carve out their own identity. So if DC1 was already established as the "good" kid in your eyes, this could have easily created and caused your DC2 to start acting "bad" for attention.

I mean, they could just be a little shit but the way you've described both kids so definitively when they're so little is a bit concerning.

Why don't you try repeatedly telling the little one how good she is for a few days - if she's naughty "oh you did this by accident but you're usually so good aren't you" and see if their behaviour changes at all?