To introduce a tablet to Autistic 5 YO?

[13MAPARTHELL]

It sort of pains me that I am considering this, but my child has PDA & ASD, simply put, we cannot do activities in the house, due to low frustration tolerance & violence.

He enjoys puzzles, but we cannot do these anymore, they get snapped, and thrown and all sorts.

hes very behind at school, and due to his extreme need for autonomy, essentially wont listen or retain if told directly.

i have a samsung tablet (for uni) he has used it maybe twice? He is not bothered and does not ask for it etc, but i am often alone, with 2 kids the same age, and it’s extremely hard my other child safe.

this could help his PDA, as although i am ultimately in control on what goes on there (no youtube) he gets to select (autonomy)

it may help him to regulate? Tv helps him massively to calm down, distraction and regulation / im in the midst of excessive research and psychological input about how to deal and reframe my parenting, and I need him regulated to even start to bloody consider tactics due to safety

I'd avoid introducing tablets, it might pacify him but it's almost impossible to get the genie back in the bottle if they become reliant on them.

If the TV is working as distraction/calming can you just stick with that? You will have much more control over them watching proper shows etc.

I always wonder where people get the idea that autistic kids regulate in tablets. No genuinely.

Every single child will sit passively and zombie like and mute at a tablet.and the more they use the more 'addicted' they become, which can look like a meltdown and they're until they:re given their dopamine fix tablet back and ohhh it's all calm and quiet again etc.

It's just interesting to know if research has been done properly or not.

I would avoid for as long as possible to be honest. what methods do you use for regulation?

I understand what you’re saying, ive never wanted previously to get them a tablet etc.

however, my child gets his dopamine hit through being violent, so this alternative seems better given that I need to safeguard my other child.

for example, i cant as much make a drink for myself, or turn around without a dangerous situation happening

It will not help him regulate. I have taught children with ASD for the last 20 years and this is a fallacy that many parents seem to have bought into. Tablets appear to support regulation because the child seems calm, but they aren't regulating, their brains are just getting the instant gratification that comes from these devices. It ends up doing the opposite of supporting true regulation and your child's emotional regulation will get worse and you will rely on the tablet more and more, at least that is my experience.

I can understand that sometimes parents themselves need the pressure off and have moments where they maybe need to give their child something like a tablet so that they themselves can get time to regulate themselves, but I think it's important to view it from this perspective and see it as something to give you breathing space when you need it to support your own emotional regulation in stressful moments, rather than a tool to support your child's emotional regulation because it won't support theirs.

We use the TV to help regulate him, but of course this is not always educational or really using the brain, which a tablet can provide more of?

my son is severely autistic & is in constant dysregulation state, he has no speech development issues, he wants to control everything, it causes harm & we essentially cannot be inside the house if he is not regulated, is that unsafe

I think you just need to own you want to give him a tablet to make occupying him easier. These threads are never helpful because unless there's total validation then people feel others are getting at them because they have differences in opinion on this sort of thing and so don't allow tablets for their kids with similar needs.

Can he redirect his violence?

My nephew had some anger issues at one point, a Nd whilst I know it's not the same, my sister actually had a lunch bag outside he could go crazy on.

What kind of things is he doing/learning to help him regulate? What support have you got from school/SENCO etc?

But he can't be on the tablet all day.

What happens at school?

He cannot sadly as its so impulse driven, but it is also very targeted at the same time, we have tried this previously but sadly he will only be violent to things that he knows will hurt the most, always another person or an animal.

No of course

he hates school, but goes to after school club everyday they give him a snack, which he can choose, and it keeps him out the home for longer, its free play and he has one friend (only friend) there, so it works well for us.

weekends, we leave house at 6am and get McDonalds coffee and drive for around 1-2 hours to be out the house and try to regulate him as he wakes up very angry

No i genuinely am looking for opinions, its hard given our situation of course, i want to know really if as parents, you feel the input from TV is better than the input provided from a tablet

Thank you, this is really helpful.

i want to ask as you have extensive experience

my child gets his dopamine from hurting others, how would you help to regulate, or what tools would you typically use to assist them with regulation?

Does he/you not have support form SENCO?

You say he enjoys puzzles but can't do these now as they get broken and snapped- would ones like this be an option that would be very difficult to break?

https://jackies-kids.uk/products/stacki?currency=GBP&country=GB&variant=50719222563158&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&stkn=4e17088206f7&gc_id=22618462747&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22608525324&gbraid=0AAAAApBOiCt3F921hTKW73AbLU8aI9MKf&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_vnQBhCxARIsADcZyxLSNivjSSfDmGOEYnFAWHXbjGsMPvnY8hMnPzcOERj7___sZB4aOsMaAmayEALw_wcB

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sensory-Autism-Tetris-Silicone-Puzzle/dp/B0B4ZV6BLW/ref=asc_df_B0B4ZV6BLW?mcid=0b04dcaa664b33afb96589c32bf4e878&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697323600425&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8684174937574714031&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180949&hvtargid=pla-1875844874319&psc=1&hvocijid=8684174937574714031-B0B4ZV6BLW-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

When he does the free play at his afterschool club, what aspects of it does he enjoy? Can any of those be recreated at home for him?

What events lead to violence?

Nope!

have had to take a sebatical from work and take out a hefty credit card to pay for private support for him, CAHMS are taking too long & small catholic school dont have a clue what they are doing, EHCP applied for.

Sometimes nothing
or any minor internal loss of autonomy
or any external loss of autonomy
also to exert power (rooted in fear of loss of autonomy)

I hope you don't have animals if your DC attacks and hurts them.

We dont thank you for being super helpful, im not an idiot

I think that you should move thus to the SEND board. From reading some of these responses, I imagine that most of the people that have responded will have absolutely no idea of how exhausted you are and of the challenges you face.

I ended up caving and giving a tablet to my then 9 year old just do that I could get some rest. This was after being up until 1am every morning for a year when they simply could not settle for bed, no matter what I tried.

I had tried scores of other eats to get them to settle but these tactics only worked for a few days before they ended up staying up late again. The only thing that worked was Melatonin. The tablet made zero difference to how long they stayed awake for (that blue screen still doesn't affect my child in the same way that it affects NTs) but it sure as hell gave me a fighting chance of at least getting some respite when I was also trying to work 30 hours/week and raise two kids with SEND.

I've never limited time on the tablets either. I left them to self-regulate which worked. My kids are out of the house every day, are well behaved and doing well in school. Then, they come home to their screens to switch off from a world that doesn't work for them.

The two rules that we had on introducing the tablet were no social media and part of the privilege of having a tablet, is that Mummy can check it any time she likes. They are mid teens now and those rules are still in place.

He needs medicating, not screens.
Honestly just don’t OP. The tantrum that will inevitably happen when you have to take it off him will be so violent. They are dangerously addictive.

In all honesty what I do in school is far easier to do in a school setting than it is at home, but it could be done with planning and support.

When I work with children with ASD who are violent and get a dopamine response from violence I work out their triggers and I try to remove as many of these as possible. I also get to know the child's stress cues and watch really carefully for these. I'm not the best at putting it into writing (particularly not at this time of night) but basically the more they carry out that behaviour, the more it builds a pathway in their brain that makes that behaviour the automatic go-to response. I spend a long time and go to great lengths trying to avoid those triggers for an extended period of time.

Some children with ASD who I have worked with have been in a constant state of stress because they have constantly been surrounded by so many triggers for so long but have never developed coping mechanisms for those triggers and they can't develop those coping mechanisms while they are in a high-stress state. It is really really hard to remove them all and it is really draining as you are on high alert all the time for so long which is why I think it is far harder to recreate at home- I could go home at the end of the day and switch off and I wasn't trying to do it while cooking the dinner or doing the washing. But if you are able to do that then the child can come down to their baseline state where they are emotionally regulated without those triggers. Then you can start to create coping strategies, this ranges from child to child but I have had children who have needed to run away if they are stressed, so we find a safe way to do this like giving them a place to run to, or who need a dark space with no sensory stimulation and so we set that up for them. We would do social stories to support them in understanding how to respond in those situations and use these spaces. Then I would gradually start to reintroduce the triggers, very slowly and making sure that the child has an out that they are able to take as soon as they need to.

It can be particularly difficult with non-verbal children to identify the triggers and it needs a lot of observation. I worked with one child who started coming into school really upset and aggressive each day and we had no idea what the trigger was, it was ages before we realised that his taxi was going past a park each day that he had once hurt himself in but once we knew that the taxi took a different route to school and so the outbursts stopped after that.

I'm under no illusion as to how much harder it is at home to in school, hence why I would never judge a parent for putting on the TV or giving their child an iPad if the parent feels they need a moment to breathe, but I just think it's important to be aware that it is more helpful for the parent's emotional regulation than the child's (but don't feel guilty about that because they need you to be emotionally regulated and functioning more than anything).

Your local council might have services that can help. Maybe ask another school if needed for help finding them.

I think tablets are vastly worse than tv. They are typically used to deliver much more stimulating content/experience, it damages children's attention spans and trains them to seek out more and more of that dopamine hit.

Small screens are extremely addictive. Tablets are often used for games, gamification is very addictive. There's also a whole lot of highly stimulating content produced for tablets that is designed to be..... addictive.

In terms of ways to help your son regulate have you consider meeting sensory needs that can help calm:

• showers & baths /water play
• sensory toys like playdo
• weighted blankets
• classical music, stuff with lots of different instruments and a wide range of pitches and sounds
• physical activity: trampolines, climbing frames
• swings