To introduce a tablet to Autistic 5 YO?

[13MAPARTHELL]

It sort of pains me that I am considering this, but my child has PDA & ASD, simply put, we cannot do activities in the house, due to low frustration tolerance & violence.

He enjoys puzzles, but we cannot do these anymore, they get snapped, and thrown and all sorts.

hes very behind at school, and due to his extreme need for autonomy, essentially wont listen or retain if told directly.

i have a samsung tablet (for uni) he has used it maybe twice? He is not bothered and does not ask for it etc, but i am often alone, with 2 kids the same age, and it’s extremely hard my other child safe.

this could help his PDA, as although i am ultimately in control on what goes on there (no youtube) he gets to select (autonomy)

it may help him to regulate? Tv helps him massively to calm down, distraction and regulation / im in the midst of excessive research and psychological input about how to deal and reframe my parenting, and I need him regulated to even start to bloody consider tactics due to safety

These are also good ideas, if you are able to get support from an occupational therapist they can be really helpful at identifying any vestibular need that your son might have and give ways of meeting it. I have had children who have needed deep pressure via a weighted blanket or otherwise (I worked with one child that used to lie flat on the floor for me to run a huge yoga ball up and down him and that would calm him down), others that needed swings (my own daughter has hanging hoops that she spins on incredibly fast to calm herself down), there is actually an endless list that I could go through but it's individual to each child and what they need. You could ask the school for an OT referral and they might be able to help identify if there is something your son would benefit from in this capacity.

I don't think it would be effective. You'd be best looking at meeting his sensory needs using the tools already suggested and OT assessment if possible. Screens are overstimulating and addictive. They are also breakable and a lot more pricey to replace than jigsaw puzzles.

I would be very careful. It's not the end of the world if rationed, but it's harder to ration (1) with a more disabled child and (2) if you are deliberately using it as a "regulation" tool as you'll end up relying on it, as well as him. Our experience is TV is less obsession-causing and in that sense "safer".

Our children did have some tablet time but we used environmental cues to help them understand that it was limited, eg never before lunch, never out of the house, never after dinner. It wasn't really a regulation tool, it was a treat that "the rules" controlled the child's access to. Once you are handing it to them whenever they are dysregulated I think it might start ruling your life. And with a PDA child it might be very counter-productive to introduce a big "prize" that you then put limits on - it introduces a lot of potential points for clashing with him through the day, lots of opportunities for him to get frustrated by you saying "no".

I would certainly try swings, trampoline, sensory diet, whatever else OT recommends first, but you probably already have.

I wouldn’t as once he gets used to it, you are going to have a nightmare trying to get him off it. My nephew is 4, and he kicks and screams when he has to come off his tablet. It’s quite sad to see such a young child addicted to a tablet already. They do take him out a lot, but it’s the first thing he asks for. Mine loved cartoons, so i’m not against screen time at all, but this generation scrolling youtube and selecting videos of things like unboxing and other content creation is terrifying. He is not the only young kids I know who finds their own videos on youtube. What is wrong with Cbeebies these days.

I actually don’t agree about regulation — screen time and quiet would get my dysregulated DC calm to the point where he could speak instead of screaming. I know that sitting down for a few minutes and playing a game will actually make my brain go quieter. It can be overused of course but you will find quite a few autistic people say it helps them.

the issue to me is that especially with PDA he will not like having limits on the tablet and it will be a nightmare trying to control his use.

If it helps you and your family then do it. There’s always pros and cons but it’s not entirely about 1 child. You have to manage your family and survive and have peace too like every parent does. No parent had no screen time ever and we still all feel guilty about it, but we shouldn’t. If it helps the family then it’s worth it x

The NHS is now distinguishing between tablets/small screens and TV as the research is all pointing to tablets and phones being significantly more damaging.

Professionals involved never recommend tablet use in EHCP or community care plans as helpful strategies for little children to regulate because they aren't.

They do give parents some extra breathing space and time to get on with things that is a different conversation imo.

My granddaughter is PDA and ASD and uses a tablet to regulate but not for long periods of time. She is ADHD so takes frequent movement breaks and my daughter tries to get her out of the house as much as possible. Luckily she is not violent. If it helps him then you should let him have it supervised of course. I am not sure if many on here know how difficult PDA is to cope with. Maybe post on SEN board. Giving him an element of choice but not too much choice is important. Also pick your battles. Is he very active? Would a trampoline or monkey bars help?

Honestly, I'd be wary. For clarity I work with adults with LD, many of whom have ASD and PDA - and I do come across some people for whom a tablet or phone helps them regulate and join in situations they'd otherwise have completely struggled with, however I also come across many situations where the tablet, seeking the tablet, or wanting to know when the next tablet fix is going to happen have become huge sources of anxiety - leading to disregulation and behaviours that challenge. With the PDA issues, anxiety is sky high anyway - and you're potentially adding in the "demand" of "is it time for the tablet yet... do I have to get off the tablet yet" into the equation. I've seen the problems that can cause and they're not easily sorted.

Also sometimes introducing a "fun" tablet means that any possibility of them entertaining an electronic communication aid later goes out of the window as they just look it it like "what the hell is this - it doesn't play YouTube" in utter disgust!

Plus if you do - make sure you know how to filter stuff to fuckery as well - I also know tales of (particularly during the home-learning era of the pandemic) things like young autistic individuals who have a special interest in WW2 military history being at home, time on their hands and just googling "nazis" and the algorithm leading them down some very undesirable rabbit holes.

We found significantly less screen time helps. We also have found structured exercise really important squad swimming, gymnastics, long distance running. Gymnastics has been particularly good as it's physically challenging but it's constantly leveling up and so much upside time.

yes so he is different ro typical autism, that many mentiok here with weighted blankets etc or spinning his dysregulation is linked to when his nervous system is stimulated. Exercise etc has the complete opposite effect, he becomes over excited

I think the TV is better than the tablet.
You can control and have more oversight of what he is watching
He can't get into endless scrolls
You can choose slow paced, less stimulating shows eg 90s TV
No games designed to be addictive
No risk of strangers
It becomes an activity that happens in one place, rather than a take-along distraction

That sounds really tough.

We have also some success with "hard labour". Moving tree branches that sort of thing.

The other thing have found is water as a circuit breaker. A shower or a bath. We have some times done the bath/shower without DS wanting it but have found that they really help.

The violence is very very distressing.
DS doesn't have autism but PDA and ADHD. We have chosen not to do a smoothing and encouraging rather we have quite strict boundaries and rules for behavior. The change to my mothering has been quite hard for me. It has made for a calmer happier child.

As a ND mother to ND children, we'd all be lost without our screens. I know people will ask how i coped before screens, and the answer is that, when I was a kid, I read a lot, but I needed particular conditions in which to read, and I have not been able to achieve that as a parent. I'm in my 40s, but I did have a game boy and a SNES, which I'd be hooked on. As an adult, I tended to follow my impulses and get into trouble.
Having a scrolling session means that I can almost quiet down all the racing thoughts, and focus on one thing, which stops the overwhelm, and then I can reset.

My kids have an almost unlimited tablet time when they're at home. It gets switched off at bed time. Because it isn't such a novelty, they don't use their tablets as much as they could. One boy will go out and meet up with his friends, or have a kick about in the back garden, or want to watch a film with me. The other will put his down to play in the garden or with a toy. They know they have access to them if they need them, and I don't take them away as punishment. It works for us, although I can see it's frowned upon.

My nephew is gifted but so addicted with the iPad now, it’s unreal. Only allowed to play with kiddie apps. Throws tantrums galore if you take it away. His parents are out of depth dealing with it. He’s 8 now, exceeding at school at the moment

This.

If you've avoided a tablet up til now well done.

The arguments and tantrums from when you expect him to get off the tablet will just introduce a whole new load of triggers.

Make do with tv for now. Try some new board games (charity shops or vinted). My DS (7) loves and crafts and drawing etc this helps him with regulation.

Good luck x

Does he like stories? If so might an Audible subscription or a toni box or similar be any help?

Do you have a swing in your garden? Or you can buy house ones now.
Trampoline for bouncing
A bubble bath with objects plastic cups etc
Scooter to go fast
Bike to go crazy in the woods etc.

Also, make sure the child always has reachable water to drink. Plus 3 meals and 2 snacks (well my kid is worse if the calories are low) as they don’t ask for a drink or water. Keep on top of those.

With my child it started on Amazon fire - laptop - gaming computer so it just develops.

Although if school is really fuelling his fire and he is struggling that won’t help the situation - things will calm down if the school is flexible and able to meet HIS needs and not the school ones!

Good luck

Also making huge tents out of my sofas cushions / blankets / pegs that was a big hit for a couple of years. As the weight of the sofa cushions etc helped and then it’s a calm space under the blanket to relax. But omg my room it used to drive me slightly bonkers 🤣 no where to sit down but a huge tent in the room 🤣 got to find what floats his boat.

Bubbles and salt dough (another cheap activity) and making dens with sticks in the woods.

Good luck

This is going to sound trite, but one thing that massively helps my DS is the trampoline. He will throw things, hit, kick, sweep stuff off surfaces…. But if I send him out for a bounce he always comes back far more regulated than if I stick him in front of a screen (I’ve tried both!). I’ve been amazed at how useful it is - plus I can see him, he’s got a net round him, there’s nothing to throw, and it’s healthy.

My kids, now 18, 15 & 10, all autistic, don't have tablets. It wasn't a thing when my eldest small & when she got older & they became cheap enough to buy, we did try one, but the huge dysregulation that came on immediately post use & for a long time, really put me off. We did try again briefly last year with our then 9 year old & had the same reaction, so we just don't use them. Trampoline in the garden, a peanut ball in the house, a swing outdoors/indoors, all really help here.

Get an amazon kids tablet. Subscription to amazon kids is £39 a year or £4 a month. You can control what is on there via a parent dashboard including blocking things.

Will give him that sense of control as he can choose what he wants and peace of mind as you know what he is playing or watching.

I won’t go into the debate of tablet or no tablet. My son has one- at most he will go on for around half an hour but his reading has improved and maths too.

We dont have a garden sadly x

I’m sorry op, pda is a really specific form of autism that most people don’t understand. My child used to appear happy at one point and then suddenly lash out with no obvious cause so I have spent many hours observing her trying to look at what caused an outburst. I was worried that when she was a teen she’d put me in hospital. Fortunately she’s calmed down a lot - after she stopped going to school which is quite a drastic option but my county doesn’t have a specialist school that will take her (we tried to find one!)

I think that iPads can be beneficial but agree that it does need to be managed with no harmful apps and not too long before bed. From my knowledge of pdaers, from courses and support groups, they can change from minute to minute and really enjoy an activity/ support tool and then get bored with it. They often like novelty so I’ve spent hundreds on tools to calm her which work for a week.

The Newbold Hope Facebook group is great for parents struggling with violent children. It’s actually heartbreaking how little support we get and I have had judgemental teachers and social workers.

Ross Greene is also excellent- I forget the name of the really famous book he wrote. The something Child.

The pda society do some excellent courses and have a podcast. One technique they mention is non violent resistance (which is more of a change of your approach) and if you’re lucky you might find a training course on this

There’s also a book on the senses written by an OT. It’s helpful to try to do an audit of any specific sensory issues your child has. Obviously their tolerance can change depending on how school has been but it can just give you a mental checklist of what the problems could be. I’ll message you later when I find the name of the book. In my case I’m aware that dd won’t eat in the kitchen if all the lights are on and there are certain smells that she picks up on and sounds. Her diet changes if she’s under stimulated or over stimulated and sometimes she’ll need a super hot curry and other times a bland cheese toastie

@TheSoapyFrog "It works for us, although I can see it's frowned upon."

I think it's more that it works for some families and is counter-productive for others. I'm glad OP that people are bringing experiences from both sides.

It sounds a pretty desperate situation so no judgement, my question is whether the cure introduces more flashpoints than it averts.

Another regulation thing that helped up when DS was small was squeezing him. I'd put a duvet on the floor and roll him up sideways in it like a swiss roll, quite tight. When he was little I could pick him up like that, squeezed into this rigid cylinder which he absolutely loved. Or put his duvet over him on his bed and lie on top of him! My parenting style ended up very different to how I'd expected. And now he is older it is different again. The only thing I'm sure of is I've got better at it over the years. You are, and will remain, THE expert on your son.

As an alternative to a swing we slung a hammock under a cabin bed, but you need to be mindful of keeping everyone safe and this might not be safe for your DS.