AIBU to think the parents should have stopped their children?

[Ayla1991]

Just want some perspective on this situation.
Currently on holiday and I was in the kids pool with my DD4 (very friendly girl and always wants to make friends). There was a boy around 10 who was being kind to my DD helping her and offering her toys etc and just generally seemed like a lovely boy. I also think he suffered from some kind of physical disability and I only mention this as I think it may have changed how he reacted to the situation, I hope it didn’t change my reaction.

after a while 3 younger children got into the pool, all around ages 3-7 maybe. They were squirting all the other kids in the pool with a squirt gun for a while including the babies. Eventually they all turned on the boy I mentioned above who was by himself, parents not nearby. I could see the boy was uncomfortable with this and at some points it got a bit aggressive and went on for a good 5 mins or more. He hid under the water and was trying to get away. I asked him if he was ok and if he wanted them to stop but he said it was fine. It clearly wasn’t. I loudly said to my husband “are these parents going to do nothing while their children behave like this?” And looked at the parents while I said this. They eventually told their kids to stop after I did this but it was too late.

the boy got upset and left the pool. I was about to walk over to the parents and just calmly say please in future keep an eye on your kids in the pool because what they just did was not nice. That boy deserves an apology.

My husband stopped me and told me not to cause a scene by the kids pool. But I really felt strongly that boy was being bullied by those kids and we all stood by and did nothing. Or am I being unreasonable and making a big deal of nothing? Should I have said something to the parents? It upset me a lot and I feel very strongly about things like this and that parents should keep an eye on their kids when they’re playing in these situations

Yeah of course they should have been stopped, it’s nasty and bullying behaviour, and there is no excuse for it.
But they learnt it from somewhere

Parents are horrible, rubbish parents and would probably be the first to complain if it happened to their child.

Sloppy parenting. Again! I’m sorry you had to deal with this!

Tbh in that situation with fairly young children I usually say something myself ‘Please don’t squirt other people unless you’ve asked them and they’re happy to join in the game’.
It doesn’t need to be a big deal and in my experience most children of that age will stop if an adult asks them to.
The parents should have been the ones to intervene, but some don’t, in which case I think it’s fine to say something to the children (you can be kind and polite, most of the time they’re overexcited rather than intentionally bullying). If they carried on then I’d speak to their parents or the lifeguard.

Sadly some parents are just a bit useless or laissez faire. It’s shitty parenting to just go into holiday mode and not pay attention to what your kid is doing and if they’re safe/annoying other people.
We live in a popular holiday destination and go to the pool or water park most days. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to fish a child out of the water when they’ve got into difficulties and their parents aren’t watching properly.

This is the second thread I've seen about kids being fucking annoying and down right horrible with water guns. I don't think they should be allowed by the pool. To many shit parents unfortunately OP, well done for trying to sort it out.

You already spoke to the parents passive aggressively, loudly via your husband. They heard you and acted.

It was dealt with at the time. If you see the boy and his family, hopefully you can check in and rekindle his friendship with your DD.

Yes, I wouldv'e said something. I couldn't stand by and watch a child being bullied in front of me.

I'd have just told them myself. Sounds like you were closer than the parents who might not have noticed the boy's distress as quickly as you did.

You were childish shouting passive aggressive comments so I'm not surprised your husband told you to stop before you behaved even worse.

Your actions didn't help the situation. You probably embarrassed the boy into leaving the pool.

I think your loud proclamations (and pointed stare) was sufficient. Anything more would have come across as aggressive, although I understand why you wanted to say something more. If you’d been the boys parents, you would have more justification to say something.

Well done on intervening.

Why were there no staff at the pool?

I have long wondered what kind of parent would allow their DC to aim and fire any type of gun at a stranger. They'd probably have something to say if their kids did it to them.

Whether its a water gun or not isn't the point, its something that no decent parent would allow.

You certainly shouldn't have had to say anything, yet again another feral family ruining someone else holiday, and a young child's at that.

I agree with this, especially the first para. The passive aggressive talking loudly about the other parents hoping they’ll take the hint is a very British approach but (as a non-Brit) the worst possible one. Speak politely to the children as PP suggested or politely to the parents “excuse me but could you please explain to your DC that the other children are upset at being attacked”.

Some people aren't fit to look after an animal let alone have kids.

I think you’d have been better just telling the children to stop yourself. It does seem like you wanted a row / confrontation tbh.

I probably would have told them to stop - I worked with children for years and my instincts just kick in if I see children behaving in a potentially dangerous/unkind way.

I would have just told the children to stop it and intervened again if they did not, but I am an (ex) teacher and it comes fairly naturally to me to do so. I tend to assume that it's pointless talking to the parents if they are oblivious and uninterested in what their children are doing.

Thanks for the replies. There were no staff in the pool and to be honest I don’t know why people leave their kids unattended, is this normal? I watch my children constantly whether it’s a pool or soft play. Maybe that’s a bit much.
i was tempted to say something to the children but a) I don’t know if they spoke English and b) if it was me I’d much rather someone told me than my children but maybe that’s weird.

i also agree with the pp that i may have embarrassed the boy by asking if he’s ok but not sure what i should have done then.

Where were the boy’s parents?!

I think it depends on the age of the child.

Not wishing to sound patronising but there is a massive difference on two parents to one four year old and a parent or parents with multiple children who are perhaps older.

I don’t breathe down my DS’s neck when out and about but equally I don’t mind in the slightest (and in fact welcome it) if other parents need to tell him to calm down or knock something off.

Well done. I have no issues with children squirting each other when they are happily enjoying it.
I know my own children hated being squirted so we avoided the main pool when children were messing about.

Be direct "aren't you going to stop your kids bullying that boy?"

Or to the kids in Loud Teacher Voice "Did your parents teach you to gang up and bully a boy on his own?"

See its posts like this on MN that mystify me a bit. It’s like the worst possible intent has to be ascribed to all actions. So instead of ‘a bunch of kids got stupid and overexcited on holiday and I told them to wind their necks in’ we have them as foul bullies with feckless parents!

"Aggressive"? Is that how bad parents see it?

No wonder kids are so awful. I speak to them directly (the kids) and if the parents don't like it i tell them to parent better. Usually embarasses them into silence.

You should have said something to the kids.

Passive aggressive comments are the worst. Just say something next time then you wouldn’t feel bad.

I loathe a say nothing or be passive aggressive mentality . You don’t have to be rude or impolite just say ‘hey kids can we please not squirt other kids with your water guns? Thank you’