AIBU to apologise for overstepping about friend’s daughter, or leave it?

[Okeyd0key]

Firstly I am the problem, I know this but don’t know if I can fix it. Have a friend who is quite negative about her youngest girl generally, she’s always the issue one way or another and is mostly the one being corrected or assumed the wrong doer.

I kept volunteering positive things about the little girl unprompted at different points. I genuinely feel for her but I know deep down I was subtly trying to shift how the mum sees her without ever saying anything directly. The mum is a good mum but very critical and on some level I think it’s triggered feelings in me from my childhood.

Anyway the mum is shutting me down for meet ups and I know it’s because I’ve been overbearing.

I overstepped. It wasn’t my place and she never asked for my perspective, especially passively which is the worst. I feel bad about it, I’ve judged and meddled.

AIBU to drop her a ‘all ok type message’ to attempt an apology from me, or is this unhinged and self absorbed, I really like the mum on a personal friend level and I’ll miss her, or do I just leave her alone and accept the ghosting and life lesson.

Or, Is there an option 3 anyone can suggest that’s done or had done to them something similar.

You have done nothing wrong. She is the one being nasty about her 5 year old.

I would ask her directly if something is the matter as you’ve noticed she’s been a bit off with you recently and if you’ve done something which upset her you would rather address it. See what she says.

If she says it’s about you over stepping with her daughter, you can say that you understand you may have overstepped the mark, but you wanted to be nice to her as you feel that she is overly criticised, you feel awful for her and it’s brought old feelings from your own childhood to the fore.

If she gets defensive and hostile towards you then you can let the friendship go and hope she quietly takes heed of what you said. I don’t think I could be friends with a crappy parent to be honest. I don’t even have kids myself but it upsets me when kids are constantly shouted at. There’s no need. So, if it doesn’t fix the friendship then so be it.

You shouldn’t feel any shame at all, you’ve done nothing wrong. She sounds horrible and I wouldn’t want to be around her. Don’t apologise.

Your friend sounds like she has issues with her own little girl and you were right to say something.

If she's now sulking, please do not go crawling to her.

Do you definitely know this is the reason she is shutting you out?

Nobody likes their parenting criticised, directly or indirectly. She probably feels you have overstepped

Speaking up about abuse is not overstepping.