School toilets

[Sweetheart1990]

School toilets!
Son text me to say he had walked out of lesson after being refused permission to go to the toilet, he had finished all his work. I have always told him to do this if he is desperate but he never actually has before.
He has been put in isolation.
I'm angry as I really believe that students should be allowed to go when they need to and he had completed all tasks so was just say in the classroom anyway.
What does everyone else think?

Oh, you're one of those parents...

Rules don't apply to your child. Refusal to understand that maybe there's more than just your child at the school etc.

I think it is very easy to make a judgement when you haven’t managed a classroom where some will ask to go to the toilet and then wonder the school, or meet up with friends. If he had needed it for the lesson why didn’t he go on his way to the lesson? In a secondary school children generally move between lessons and could go then or in their break or lunchtime.

We weren't allowed to use the toilets during lessons. At break times they were so busy there was a queue out of the door, so I often had to hold it until the end of the day when there was less of a queue. I got a kidney infection when I was 14, now I only have one fully functioning kidney due to scarring.

They aren't actually allowed to use the toilets in-between lessons either, only break or lunch

Is it a bad thing that my priority is my child?

Yep, she's one of those parents who ensure that her child's basic human needs are met. She even feeds him regularly, to stop him feeling hungry - monster!

If it was an emergency, everyone would much prefer you do walk out of the meeting rather than the alternative.

Oh you're one of those posters, the ones we really hope don't work in a school.

Teachers often complain about a lack of respect and how parents, unaccountably, refuse to "support the school" in any and all situations. I have grim news for you; students, in addition to being children, are also human beings. Like all human beings with a modicum of dignity and self respect, when a student does their work conscientiously and follows all the rules, and their reward is being told to either soil themselves or sit in isolation, that student is going to lose whatever shred of respect they had for you.

Also, it's not actually the parents' job to "support the school" unconditionally. Their job is to ensure the wellbeing of their child. Most of the time, that does mean supporting the school. But when those priorities conflict, such as when your otherwise well-behaved child is put in isolation for going to the toilet rather than soiling themselves, a decent parent will support their child every time. And when your response to that situation, as a teacher or administrator, is to intone that "rules are rules: no exceptions," you will find they stop supporting the school in other areas as well, because they no longer fully trust you to safeguard the wellbeing of their child.

I disagree, it is not me that has blown this up, it's the school! Isolation, threatening suspension etc over a child leaving the room to go to the toilet and returning straight after!

Also the end of your message is just shocking. My son is used to being told no, just not for basics like eating or going to the toilet! What kind of person would actually post what you just posted!

"And this is why teachers are leaving in droves because of parents like you!"

And this is why everyone is better off when certain teachers leave. If you don't have the good judgment to know when to make an exception to a rule, you should not be trusted to enforce it. Oh, and I just saw that last sentence. That's actually reassuring, as now I know you're just a card-carrying weirdo rather than a typical teacher. You get them in every profession, and all you can do is ignore them, as I will now be ignoring you.

People who are disagreeing with you will also prioritise their child. Some of us are just coming at it from a different angle.
My priority in your situation would be to support my child to manage their toilet needs. Because someone without a health condition who can't wait the duration of a lesson for the toilet is going to have an unecessarily restricted life. Playing sports, going on journeys, watching shows, visiting places without public facilities, certain careers, will all be a problem if a person feels they have to go to the toilet whenever they want, rather than learning how to regulate their bodily functions.
In this case, the facilities at the school make things difficult. So that's the fight I'd be having. Giving permission to defy an authority figure is not. Because while schools have limited power to give consequences, and parental challenging of rules gives the illusion rules are optional if you complain, in the real world this isn't the case.

A person who is sick to death of parents not parenting properly and then blaming schools because of the policies they have to put in place to deal with your (I don’t mean yours personally, it’s the wider parents) children’s behaviours!!
The crux of the matter is he should have gone before lessons! He didn’t for whatever reason so he walked out as he should because he shouldn’t have to wet himself however there was then a consequence of walking out as there should be as we cycle back to the fact that he should have gone before! Schools cannot have children constantly trooping out of lessons for the toilet! A large proportion of them will not be going to the toilet they will be going to mess around! It’s a shame your model student gets caught up in it if he would sensibly use the toilet however schools don’t have time to get caught up with the fallout if they allow one student to go and not others! We’d have another thread on here moaning that certain students are allowed and others not!!
The rape comment is not aimed at your child specifically however the point stands that children who consistently don’t get told no and it’s not followed through on can end up doing disgraceful things!!

He had another hour and a half to wait until the next break. They aren't allowed in between lessons. I'm not telling him to do whatever he likes and that rules don't apply, I'm simply telling him to put his needs first when needed. I back the school in aspects of behavior etc but I cannot get behind this rule.

In every workplace I've experienced, I could use the toilet or eat any time I liked.

So in a roughly seven hour day he can go to the toilet when he arrives at school, at break, at lunch and at the end of the day but on more than one occasion he has had to leave a lesson due to being desperate to go to the toilet. He either has a medical problem or he isn't bothering to use toilets at the normal time. If this was a one off with a stomach bug it would be understandable but if it keeps happening you need to talk to him about what the issue really is.

Glad you’ll be ignoring me I shall be doing the same from now on as I’m sick of engaging with you! I can’t wait to see the school system you end up when all the decent teachers have left because they’re demoralised in dealing with parents like you!! And all you’re left with is the teachers that don’t care!!

He didn't have opportunity before class as his bus was late, he asked politely 3 times and waited as long as he could before quietly apologizing and excused himself privately to his teacher, went to the toilet, came straight back. How can I do anything other than back my child?
You knew what you were implying with the rape comment, and it was vile.

And if he’d gone on his way to his first lesson after the bus arrived late (assuming the toilets were open then), he’d have been late to class and doubtless received some other sanction!

500 plus students all trying to use the toilets in those time slots, sometimes more so when he was younger he didn't get chance to as the older kids jumped the queue.

This exactly. ❤️

They aren't allowed to go during lessons either so which do you think is more disruptive going during a lesson or dashing to the toilet between lessons?

You talk as if you were there. You didn't hear if he was polite or quietly apologizing.