AIBU to prefer women-only changing rooms over unisex ones?

[Ikeasucks]

there’s been a lot of palaver the past few days over unisex changing rooms - especially M&S and I’m truly curious to get a wide view from women. Aibu to prefer the old style female option staffed by female employees over unisex and perhaps staffed by male employees which could mean having to redress to open the door and ask for help - be it awkward zips, different sizes etc - or just to be able to go out and check myself out in the bigger mirrors without men possibly being present.

For my part I've never wandered into the public areas of the changing rooms half-dressed, so to me it makes no difference. I try on things in the cubicle only and would re-dress anyway to leave and get another size.

Given the number of cases of spy cameras, masturbators and just general perves (and those are just the ones that get caught), no, you are definitely not being unreasonable

Neither do i but I’ve usually call led the assistant over to my cubicle to ask for assistance if i need help which means having to open my door and i found that easier in an all female environment with female staff. I don’t want to redress and go out and find a different size

There was video footage just the other day of a man being chased out of Primark for doing just that. Fair play to the woman who took the footage as she chased him shouting “pervert” through the shoppibg centre

As long as I can close the door I literally don't care. I think this whole argument is ridiculous, doors have never made a pervy man stop and think "oh it says on the door women so I can't go in and be a perv today."

M+S have ceiling to floor lockable doors and have been mixed for years no one batted an eyelid until it started to get plastered all over social media.

It doesn't bother me. It's not like you are getting changed in front of the men

Of course you are not being unreasonable. But I am sure there will be people telling you you are being unreasonable for expecting basic standards of basic decency and privacy and for saying no to men.

As longs as the cubicles have doors or curtains, I’d really not care if the changing areas are mixed.

I think that anywhere a woman may be naked should have the option to have single sex facilities.

In most shops there are 2 sets of changing rooms. Make one unisex for the women that don't care and one female only for those who do.

Absolutely - I want access to single sex fitting rooms. I would imagine a lot of men feel the same, and would find it a bit mortifying to be around half dressed women in a changing area. There are also lots of women who simply could not use a fitting room where men were present - Orthodox Jewish women, some Muslim women, women who have been through sexual trauma for example

I thought this was going to be about leisure centres. I hate family style leisure centre changing rooms but no one seems to be bothered about that, they are pretty standard these days. Why such uproar about shops?

I think as long as it's got a lockable door then it's fine. If you're not sure on sizing then just grab 2 or 3 in different sizes, that's what I usually do. I don't feel any need to wander into the communal part of a shop changing room in anything other than my clothes I came in wearing.

I use unisex if that’s all that’s available - i just think unisex is less friendly, relaxed and practical - especially for women whose shopping experience is probably different from mens. Thinking more of elderly women like my mum and mil - they’ve shopped in M&S for 60 odd years and now they could have men around or a male assistant. It’s just another change that I don’t necessarily see as progress - not for women and girls anyway.

As long as I can close the door I literally don't care. I think this whole argument is ridiculous, doors have never made a pervy man stop and think "oh it says on the door women so I can't go in and be a perv today."

I think people who say this miss the bigger picture.

When it was clear that certain areas were segregated for Men or for Women, there was a strong social sanction to keep these areas single-sex. People felt OK about saying to a man in a women's area, or a woman in the men's area - What are you doing here? or asking them to leave.

We can't tell who is a pervert/assaulter and who is just confused about where they are.

Now we don't feel we can do this, and shops and services are colluding with the "bad" men (it's almost always men - they perpetrate 98% of sexual crime) to give them access to areas which should be segregated for safety, privacy, and dignity.

I must shop in the wrong places as I haven't really seen shop employees around to ask for help in ages. I think only when I had a proper bra fitting years back. Otherwise I dress and undress in the cubicle and am wearing clothes when anyone can see me.

I'm more concerned about facilities for mixed families - so when a father takes his daughter swimming or a mother takes her son out for lunch. I think if anything should change is should be more availability of family restrooms and family changing. It's really complicated for solo parents and just for parents who regularly take their opposite gender children out into the world.

YANBU to have a preference.

As long as there are private cubicles, I don't care and it actually makes it easier when you have kids anyway.

I absolutely hate leisure centres who have communal changing rooms with only 1 or 2 private cubicles where the only choice is to waste ridiculous amounts of time to finally get a chance to use them.

Private cubicles should be everywhere, for privacy, but also for parents who have younger children - they can't run away when you are changing, for dads with daughters and mums with sons, for all the reason one is entitled to privacy and safety

Fair enough but those cubicles could still be under female and male rather than unisex - if you have a young son - women won’t mind if he’s in the cubicle with you. Just the other day there was an incident in Primark where a man was accused of trying film young women/teenage girls.

regarding sports clubs - mine has a small separate third unisex space with only larger cubicles to accommodate families or i guess now those with identity issues who don’t feel comfortable using the locker room of their sex

I'm hoping this is something AI can fix. Ideally the staff there would all be sexless robots and we wouldn't even need to try clothes on they'll just be projected into our bodies and then we can all relax.

I recently tried clothes on at M&S and Next. Both times in the ladies' department. Both had female staff and I never saw a male around.

I think it utterly depends where the changing rooms are located.

But - I never venture out half-dressed and if I really need another size then I re-dress anyway and ask for help. Hardly any cubicles outside lingerie ones have bells and the staff is at the entrance where everyone can walk past, hardly private, regardless if there are men in the cubicle next to me.

M&S’ policy on changing rooms has been the same for years. Long before all this hoo-haa started. They have added fully enclosed fitting room with doors in all stores which were being refurbed as far back as 2005 when I was involved in those projects. There is no legal requirement to provide fitting rooms, they are a courtesy, so the law over whether they need to be segregated spaces isn’t at all clear. There is also no requirement to have them staffed by a particular sex. Just like you can have a male attendant in female toilets.

If your elderly mum has an issue, she can shop online or go somewhere else.

I’d at least prefer to have a lockable door, the flappy curtains I’m uncomfortable with. Only because a young teenage boy did accidentally nearly walk in on my daughter in one of these unisex changing rooms with useless curtains (I know it was accidental as I was sat on a chair at the end of the area waiting ) The shop did have another separate changing room- funnily enough the did eventually open in due to the long queue and people all defaulted to our respective changing rooms.

Wow just wow. Telling a woman she can go somewhere else. As if women don't have enough to put up with from men without having them in their changing room space. How about men putting cameras in there for one, that's just one reason.

No OP you are not being unreasonable. Their is a huge debate on Twitter at the moment also check out Sex matters website they are campaigning for women in this issue.

You're not unreasonable for the preference. Although, it's not what everyone wants. I prefer unisex. I like it at the pool so I can stay with DS. I like it in clothes stores if I'm shopping with DH so he can get me another size if needed. Unisex changing rooms have been around in my area for as long as I can remember. It's what I'm used to and I've never heard of or known of anyone having issues with them here.

in which way were you involved? I’m actually really interested in the discussions and who was involved in changing from their old single sex policy and where female staff oversaw the female area. Did they discuss all the issues and customer experience of women and men’s shopping being different - women sometimes needing help with zips, bra advice etc, was it discussed that unisex facilities are way more dangerous for women and girls etc

If it’s an enclosed cubicle (with a door, not just a curtain) I couldn’t give a monkeys.
I don’t wander around half dressed or ask for assistance from staff 🤷‍♀️

They aren’t more dangerous if there’s a staff member present and the cubicles are lockable.