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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to advise DD

109 replies

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 16:53

Dd 29 been with partner 5 yrs and they rent together. Neither of them are particularly high earners and dd assumed if they got married they would get a mortgage together. Partner’s dad has now decided to help his son buy a house via a trust fund- so the trust would be taking out a mortgage. It transpires his dad is a very wealthy man. I don’t blame him with the divorce rate as it is. They would both be living there and partner would not want dd to pay rent.

Aibu to help her get a small buy to let so she has something in her (or the mortgage lender’s!) name? We can give her a small deposit. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
JazbayGrapes · 03/06/2026 09:52

If you're keen to buy property as an investment for her, just keep it in your name

notatinydancer · 03/06/2026 09:57

I wouldn’t do a BTL necessarily.
Could you put the money into a savings account and tell her to save a decent sum each month if she’s not paying rent in case they split up ?

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 03/06/2026 10:58

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 03/06/2026 08:45

I would hate this. You want to build a home and life together. As a PP said, will this ever be her home? Can she redecorate? I get the practicalities but this could be really undermining to their relationship. How does your daughter feel about it OP?

The house he is buying now will be his. He has told her when it comes to their second home he’s happy for her to put money in which will be what I presume more of a partnership if and when they are married. I do understand they are not committed yet so can’t blame him for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 03/06/2026 11:02

Holdinguphalfthesky · 03/06/2026 09:37

Can’t you set up a trust for her? I don’t know anything about them so maybe they’re expensive, but would that not protect her assets in the event of a divorce?

In the future we hope to be able to give our children a much larger sum, and this is when we would look at trusts. We have 5 between us and the chances are there will be a couple of divorces.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 03/06/2026 11:06

Fingerscrossedfor2021HK · 03/06/2026 09:30

@cupfinalchaos i would honestly advise her to be very careful about marrying a man who would consider the marital home his asset only and who would take steps to ring fence assets in this manner. And as others have said, she should be very careful about her own financial position if they do get married down the line.

Thank you I agree, especially if children come later, if he wants a prenup due to inheritance that’s fine but we’d have a shit hot lawyer onto that prenup.

OP posts:
Bigtrapeze · 03/06/2026 13:52

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 18:44

Thank you so much for taking that time to respond. He is taking dd to see flats/houses and she gets a say. She can decorate how she likes, it’s hers.. but really it’s not. Your idea about living separately is not for her, as she does want a family one day.
Boyfriend’s father is going through an acrimonious divorce (with subsequent partner) and I’m sure that’s what’s driving it.

It’s far from ideal but they have an amazing social life together and their friends have all become close. He’s a lovely kid and this isn’t coming from him.. but advice from his dad and step dad.

Show quote history

Hmmm, that makes more sense. We have considered how to ring fence a deposit we would give to one of our children for buying a place with a boyfriend/girlfriend in case they split up and it is tricky, so I do partly see this father's concern, especially as he had had recent experience of divorce.

Is your daughter excited about this or does she share some of your concerns? My worry would be that this prevents her from building equity in a property. Could the trust buy half and they buy half as a couple? There has to be a way to provide everyone with what they need here. The pre-nup scares me because if they marry and have children it then seems like a terrible decision.

I feel much reassured that it is the boyfriend's father driving this and not the boyfriend. If you find a solution, please let us know, OP.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 03/06/2026 14:36

Bigtrapeze · 03/06/2026 13:52

Hmmm, that makes more sense. We have considered how to ring fence a deposit we would give to one of our children for buying a place with a boyfriend/girlfriend in case they split up and it is tricky, so I do partly see this father's concern, especially as he had had recent experience of divorce.

Is your daughter excited about this or does she share some of your concerns? My worry would be that this prevents her from building equity in a property. Could the trust buy half and they buy half as a couple? There has to be a way to provide everyone with what they need here. The pre-nup scares me because if they marry and have children it then seems like a terrible decision.

I feel much reassured that it is the boyfriend's father driving this and not the boyfriend. If you find a solution, please let us know, OP.

Show quote history

Thank you again. They are not engaged yet and boyfriend has told dd he will be buying this one but when they sell to look for a bigger place (and presumably are engaged/married) he’s happy to buy together. I think that’s reasonable. Dd has no life experience which relates to this so is led by us.
With regards to a prenup, it would have to be fair and account for any children they would have.

OP posts:
daleylama · 03/07/2026 23:46

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 17:18

Thank you. There would be a managing agent though? I don’t know the first thing about stocks and shares. Dh is gifting the kids a small deposit each and was keen they use it for a flat.. but I guess DD’s situation is different.

Show quote history

Agent will take 10-11% for finding a tenant, more ( variable) to also manage the property. BTL is not a good idea anymore. Look at Martin Lewis' website for recommendations for ISAs

Katflapkit · 04/07/2026 00:00

I think your idea of a small flat would be a good idea. All the people saying it's hard work, not worth it etc. As long as it washes its face wouldn't that be okay. The rent covers all the fees, and it's bricks and mortar, a place to live if ever she needs it.

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