AIBU to feel guilty about collecting my child later from nursery?

[tigermoths]

I finished work at half three and went to do a supermarket shop. As a result I’m only going to be getting my three year old from nursery at gone five and I feel so guilty. This guilt stops me doing anything for me. Does anyone else experience this? And how do you stop it? If means any time I do get to myself I’m rushing around and so I don’t really enjoy it anyway.

I never feel guilty for using childcare. So
much easier to do a shop on your own! I bet very few dads say they feel guilty

Do your supermarket shop online?
If you're meant to pick them at a certain time you should do so, as it's not fair on the staff.
Can the child's Dad do pick up sometimes?

Once a week is finish work a bit earlier and go for a run before I picked DD up, it was the only chance I had in the week, zero guilt whatsoever

Do you think your child’s dad would feel guilty if they finished work early and didn’t collect them straight away?

you pay for it, so use it. The only reason I wouldn’t is if I knew the child really really hated childcare, but most don’t.

You were grocery shopping not drinking margaritas! It’s really important to have a bit of time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty! If she is happy in her childcare setting, take an hour for a gym workout or hobby.

Presumably you're paying the daily rate for the nursery and picking up before closing time? If so, no issue. I'm sure your child is happier at nursery playing with their friends than in a boring supermarket.

I don’t think the OP meant she was picking them up after their session finished. I assume it’s a nursery that closes at 5.30 or 6 and you pay for the whole day.

A full day is until 530, but I can pick her up any time.

It is possible to shop online of course but it’s more about how bad I feel whenever I do something for me that involves using childcare, even if it’s as mundane as a supermarket shop! I really wish I didn’t feel like I do, must be so freeing to be a man.

In that case I don't see the issue of picking them on time. If she means she misses the child generally and would rather have them with her then surely she can just book less nursery time? But supermarket shop online is much more efficient time wise than going there physically.

If your paying the nursery and still collecting before the allocated finish time thats a good use of your time.
I'm sure your dc will have more fun at nursery than doing a supermarket shop.
Im a single parent to 3 late teens/ adults and it took me a long time to realise that it was better for dc if the time they spent with me was quality and that doing an errand on the way to collect dc (who would not realise i was any later) was better for all of us.

What does your children's father do?

Its not really time "for you" if you are doing the supermarket shop.
Its for your family and if that is easier without a toddler (obviously) all absolutely reasonable
But if you want to go and drink margaritas, read a book, had a nap, gp to the gym, stare into space then thats all fine. Your child is happy and safe

When my DC were at nursery they were better if I got them at a consistent time rather than sometimes early and sometimes "late" (later than they were expecting not actually late).

Don't feel guilty for using childcare time. You don't need to spend every possible minute with your child and are allowed some personal time (or time to do life admin too).

I never picked my dc up early from nursery. It was too confusing for them and they'd miss their tea which they really enjoyed.
They'd know I was coming after tea, they'd be ready to go and we'd have a lovely reunion. Children thrive on routine IME.

Like others I think that very young dc benefit from being picked up at a predictable, consistent time. If you sometimes get them early at snack time, then they will be more likely to miss you on the days you don't get them early.

But, seriously, you have a bigger problem if you consider doing the supermarket shop as 'me time'. Where are you getting the messages that you don't matter? Does your DH or DM or MIL make you feel bad? It's not healthy to completely lose sight of your own needs in motherhood. Obviously your child comes first but you matter too.

In other contexts, PP's have drawn the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask in an emergency, enabling you to be more real help to others in trouble.
I guess that comparison is a bit extreme for giving yourself a bit of a childfree break, but provided that the child is happy in childcare, and you are not dumping unpaid overtime on the staff which from your post, is not the case, why feel guilty about it?
Reframe it in your mind as benefitting your child; they get collected by a happy mummy who has had a chance to clear her head, relax briefly, deal with a mundane trip which they would not enjoy as much as playing at nursery, and recharge her batteries, while they are happily occupied and blissfully unaware!

Im sure your three year old had more fun at nursery than being dragged around a supermarket- I know mine would’ve done at that age.

If you’d picked them up they could have gone to the supermarket and sat in a trolley. Probably a pretty boring

You didn’t so they got to have fun at nursery.

It’s really ok to leave them at a trusted location in order to do chores. It’s also ok to book and online delivery and go out for a piece of cake!

When eldest was in nursery I'd finish at 5, go home, shower, get food started then pick up at 5.45 (work, home and nursery all very close!) so I wasn't trying to do everything at the same time. It really helped

I would pick the kid up then go shopping together

Do you know what op sometimes I used to take a whole day off work and put the dc in nursery and now they are in school sometimes I do the same. For a whole variety of reasons eg having my hair done, meeting friends, doing diy etc

The dc are absolutely fine and I always feel loads better.

Thanks, I just feel like it’s a long day for her and feel bad. Silly I know.

Surely that’s just making your life harder. It’s not even like the OP is taking time for herself, she’s doing something that needs doing. Taking a child under school age to do the big shop when you don’t need to feels like hard work to me.

As a childminder I always appreciate a heads up when pick up time is different to normal purely so I can prepare the child for the change.

There’s no need to be a martyr. The nursery is open until 5:30, you pay a day rate.