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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to get my young DD into acting as a child?

68 replies

LNAME · 31/05/2026 20:22

DD has always been dramatic - she loves performing, singing, dancing and has done since she was first walking (she’s 4 now).
She attends a local dance school, but I’d really like her to do something more serious and stimulating with her interest rather than just her little class each week.

I am based in the midlands but am considering enrolling her in one of the London theatre schools for weekend classes - is something like this much more ‘serious’ vs the very casual type of lesson we attend now? Where do the young children in TV and films get selected from?

Posted in AIBU for traffic and just to hear others experiences with stage school etc.

OP posts:
hahabahbag · 01/06/2026 07:16

4 year olds on tv won’t have taken loads of classes! They register with an agency yes but mostly it’s done by capturing them more adhoc than an older dc and very few lines. A character who is 4 on tv are more likely to be a very small 7 year old

TofuTuesday · 01/06/2026 10:08

ToffeeCrabApple · 31/05/2026 22:21

Talent is barely even relevant these days. There are loads of excellent actors and actresses out there who don't make it.

Some people get a break because they look exactly right.

Most get one because they have a connection/money to break their way in.

For children it's usually a cute look combined with a very calm demeanour who can follow instructions quickly and won't make a fuss/have a tantrum after sitting bored for hours waiting to be called. Emotionally resilient - can cope with being rung repeatedly for same day castings & travel in to find the jobs already gone.

This is really relevant. I was watching something recently and realised the child actor was David Tennants kid.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 01/06/2026 10:23

ToffeeCrabApple · 31/05/2026 20:53

Also they want older kids who look young. One of my kids has a growth condition that means they look 2-3 years younger than they are. Until their front teeth fell out I had a couple of neighbours who work in the industry suggest they would be sought after to play younger DC. Nothing to do with acting skills, just someone who can behave like a polite 7 year old but looks 4.

This is my experience as well, even as they get older. An 18+ year old old can work more hours than a 15 year old for example, so they are more likely to get cast in teen roles. DD got her acting roles through Stagecoach.

Derpytiger · 01/06/2026 13:26

ImthatBoleyngirl · 01/06/2026 10:23

This is my experience as well, even as they get older. An 18+ year old old can work more hours than a 15 year old for example, so they are more likely to get cast in teen roles. DD got her acting roles through Stagecoach.

Completely agree. Even at 6-7 my DD is not getting roles because children older who look younger get preference. This is due to licensing and amount of time kids can be on set. We understand this and my DD doesn't give a monkeys about the outcome when she auditions, as we approach it as "it's just for fun and likely she won't get booked". When it does happen it's a bonus

OttersOnAPlane · 01/06/2026 13:32

LNAME · 31/05/2026 20:37

Where do you think the 4 year olds that you see on film and tv come from?!

A) Twins
B) Close relative in the business
C) Look younger than their age (because of working limits)
D) God-awful pushy parents living vicariously through their children

Topjoe19 · 01/06/2026 14:08

You can't seriously be thinking of this for your 4 year old?!?! Most 4 year olds are dramatic & love singing, dancing & performing. Doesn't mean they're going to get an Oscar!

mondaytosunday · 01/06/2026 14:17

@sexnotgendersum Jodie Foster started as a toddler, Reese Witherspoon was a model age 7, Elijah Wood started age 8 in Back to the Future II, Christian Bale age 9, Christina Ricci at 9… so many more. Of course many others like Drew Barrymore and Macaulay Cullkin had troubled teen years/young adult years, but loads have grown up and stayed in the industry without too much trauma!
Having said that, I think four is too young. I have relatives who act since age of about 7/8, and they often have to go abroad to film commercials, though imagine their self-taping to winning the role rate is high (and they don’t live in London either) so it’s rejection rejection rejection. Their mother is very very keen as she acted when young so I think she’s at least half the driving force, though her children do seem to enjoy it currently. It takes a lot if commitment from her too. Of course none are famous - a jobbing actor/model is what one should aim for. 17 year old Kiera Knightly had a breakdown after she appeared in Pirates of the Caribbean after all the press/paparazzi.
At four I’m sure there are local opportunities for your DD to act/sing/dance. Just let her carry on. If as she gets older wants to pursue it as a career then revisit.

Bigcat25 · 01/06/2026 14:18

The only child star I know (admittedly I'm not in the entertainment industry but still) is dead. They where a big star and that probably won't happen to your child, but still. Focus more on skill development like dance/music rather than performing or booking jobs.

purser25 · 01/06/2026 14:28

Bonnie Langford started as a small child but she came from a theatrical background and was very grounded and successfully became an adult actress

Brainstorm23 · 01/06/2026 14:36

My daughter's 8 and goes to a drama/theatre club but also has a one to one speech and drama teacher who is great. They play silly games and mess about but she also studies for her Lambda exams and I can see she's improved massively.

I'd be doing that rather than dragging her off to London every weekend. But agree 4 is ridiculously small to even think about this.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 01/06/2026 14:43

LNAME · 31/05/2026 20:37

Where do you think the 4 year olds that you see on film and tv come from?!

Ridiculously pushy parents who see their kids as a cashcow most of the time.

Let your kid be a kid, stop pushing her into work.

Dazedanddiscombobulated · 01/06/2026 15:02

Lol she’s 4, what on earth do you mean by ‘serious’?! You’re not going to find any Meisner For The Under Fives or Preschool Shakespeare classes. At 4 it should be just about having fun.

Silverbirchleaf · 01/06/2026 15:09

ToffeeCrabApple · 31/05/2026 21:33

Also op - twins. The vast majority of young characters on screen are played by twins, because singletons alone simply aren't allowed to work enough hours. I'm a registered chaperone & the rules are pretty strict.

I was going to say something similar. Young actors are often twins.

I agree with others, travelling to London will be too tiring (and expensive?).

icybreeze · 01/06/2026 15:13

Find a local theatre group for now and wait for her to decide she wants to take it further.
My daughter went to baby ballet at two and by three had asked to join the drama group that took place after and by 3.5 insisted on doing the audition for their show. I let her take the lead, no pushing at all. If anything I have been the breaks! She's 13 now and still performs regularly and loves it but she has never expressed a desire to perform as a job so she just has a blast doing amateur productions

They only get one childhood.

CaesarAugusta · 01/06/2026 15:38

LNAME · 31/05/2026 20:37

Where do you think the 4 year olds that you see on film and tv come from?!

If they're doing any actual acting, they're usually small 7 and 8 year olds.

CaesarAugusta · 01/06/2026 15:44

Let the poor kid have fun. If she likes performing, see if she would like a dance class.

Alouest · 01/06/2026 16:02

I really wouldn't. It's hard work, not just 'being dramatic'. I have worked on a number of shows involving children and only ever met one who was as small as five. He was exhausted on all his working days and was constantly falling asleep. Plus most children simply are not able to do what's required of child performers, regardless of whatever talent they may have. They need to be highly compliant and good at following instructions, and they are often expected to behave almost like adults while working.

If you go to any primary school and watch a class of four and five year olds sitting on the carpet or in assembly and listening to a teacher, there will probably be only one or two who are sitting quietly, totally still and actually listening. Those kids might have a shot at it if they are also able to act a little or at least follow direction, and also are able to commit fully to whatever they have been asked to do with zero self-consciousness or holding back.

Enrol her in the best drama class local to you and follow her lead. Do not under any circumstances sign her up with an agent or put her up for work unless she has specifically asked to do this. And even then think seriously about it.

CatatonicLadybug · 01/06/2026 16:42

At 4, the classes even in London will be about having fun. As they should be. Most will be a combination of singing, dancing, and drama at that age so the typical class includes sitting in a circle and saying hello to everyone, some question and response like make the noise of your favourite animal and pretend you’re eating your favourite food, a basic fitness warm up that gets them on their feet without just running like a puppy with the zoomies indoors, some dance steps that emphasise rhythm like step touches, marches, stretch up high then touch your toes, building eventually to something that looks like every other smiley preschool dance you’ve ever seen, and singing along to a mix of nursery rhymes, Disney songs, and possibly an older standard, depending on the teacher. It’s all very fun and play based but it is all helping with life skills that can be useful whether the child goes on to be a performer or not. Learning when to be quiet and listen as well as how to speak so everyone could hear you, following directions, cooperating with other children, body awareness and healthy movement, appreciation of music. They aren’t going to work on scripts before they can read but I think mine did memorise a poem with the class at that age. That was about as fancy as it got.

Signing a four year old up for any activity is a case of thinking yep, they might have a good time, and then seeing if they do. Could be the tiniest class at a stage school or it could be Brownies or whatever else. It’s play based learning to be more confident and cooperate with others. You don’t need to go to London if you’re not already there - find somewhere close to home at this age.

If you think at all that your child will make a profit at this game, go give yourself a stern talking to. There are many long standing ‘businesses’ out there making bank by taking advantage of parents with stars in their eyes and open wallets. The performance industry is massively oversaturated. There are literally thousands of submissions for every job and everything that comes before the performance is your expense - the training, the photos, the equipment to record audition tapes at home, the travel to in-person auditions. The opportunities that pay more than a teeny tiny amount are exceptionally rare and will come down to looks and tone of voice, neither of which you can control.

Find a local class and give it a go. If your child loves it more than they have ever loved anything ever, then you buckle up and figure out how to manage the rest as she gets bigger. If she doesn’t think it’s the absolute most exciting thing in her life, let it go and appreciate her talent at home, take lots of video clips to keep for your family, and just let her have fun and gain confidence. If she later decides it’s something she wants to take seriously, that local class will be more than enough to step up to something more specific. Above everything, it is not about you.

All of the above coming from real lived experience. Have fun.

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