Aibu for not remembering birthday?

[GoldfishMemory99]

MIL passed away two years ago, yesterday was her birthday.

Unfortunately I have been very busy the past two months with work, applying for an echp for one of my dcs, doing a right to choose referral for them, my eldest dc health problems yadda yadda yadda.. basically I have been dealing with a lot. DH leaves me to the paperwork and things like this as I deal with it better.

He is angry at me today because I forgot it was his mums birthday, he did say a few weeks ago it was coming up but didn’t mention the date. He didn’t mention nothing yesterday either, he was out most of the day! It’s important to add I do remember the date she passed.

aibu to think it’s not my fault I forgot? Apparently I don’t care and am terrible with people over it.

Fuck that, it’s not up to you to remember, he is BU

Thats what I thought, anniversary of death understandable but I can’t remember every single date. He didn’t even want to do anything for it, so I don’t see what the big deal is. My grandad passed not long before his mum and I don’t expect him to remember the bloody date.

What did he expect you to do???make a cake? Throw a party?

What was he expecting to do on this anniversary? Why couldn’t he just do that anyway?
This is just bizarre.

I can barely remember the birthdays of people who are alive...

So he forgot but you are to blame for not reminding him. I'd mentally be quitting any dw work that involves anyones birthday..

I have no idea, he didn’t mention anything last year either.
Don’t know if it’s just the grief talking, but I was kind enough yesterday he went out drinking with friends while I watched dc so really there shouldn’t be a problem! Not sure if he expected me to be in flood of tears asking if he’s alright constantly.

Been married for 20 years, MIL very much alive … couldn’t tell you her Birthday, and I’m pretty sure DH doesn’t remember mine

No, no he remembered I forgot and he just didn’t mention the date or anything to me yesterday.

That’s another thing I rarely remembered when she was alive we didn’t have the best of relationships. Just not sure what to do now as he’s annoyed but I see it as a non issue really.

Ridiculous that you’re even asking if you are unreasonable.

Just whack it on the calendar and you’ll remember next year. But only if it makes life easier, if not fuck him.

Ask him when your dads birthday is…

Erm…she’s dead so her birthday is no longer a celebration day.

He is being ridiculous and looking for an argument.

All he needed to say was “Mum would have been 81 today” or whatever and you would have commiserated with him.

Tell him to stop being so childish. This is about him, not about you.

i did I got the reply of “it’s not the same, your dad is alive.”

I'm another one who struggles with remembering the birthdays of those that are living.

A normal conversation would have been your DH saying "it would have been mum's birthday today" and you replying "oh yes. I can't believe it's been 2 years since she died."

End of conversation.

He didn't mention it. Why should you? She was his mum anything like mentioning an anniversary related to her should be led by him.

My mum has passed away and I find her birthday a day I like to remember but I always just chat about it etc. I don't expect my husband to bring it up first. So YANBU

Absolute bollocks though isn’t it?

He playing the victim. Tell him to grow up.

Over 20 years with my husband, have a great relationship with my MIL but I couldn’t tell you her birthday.
My dead parent’s birthday is really painful for me so I talk about it to those close to me, I would never expect anyone else to remember.

I couldn't tell you when my MIL's birthday is and I had lunch with her today. YANBU.

With all sympathy to your DH, I'm baffled. Although it's annoying, I'd just let it pass. He's probably angry at himself.

If he wanted sympathy, he could have said, 'It's my mum's birthday today'
If he wanted DC to remember, he should have led/organised that himself or asked you to help.

It seems like you've looked after the DCs and he's had the day to do as he wanted: he was out most of the day and drinking with friends. Is he feeling guilty for this and thus blaming you?

Flip it around and tell him he's a knob for leaving all the ehcp paperwork.

He wants to make you feel bad so you don't call him out for what he is.

He's being weird and needs to stop taking his grief out on you. Or is it really grief or just another excuse to be a jerk? Because someone who gets angry at you for this is unlikely to be a gentle, loving, reasonable man the rest of the time.

I'm terrible with most dates. I remember a few key birthdays and a couple of anniversaries, but otherwise, no. I don't recall the exact dates my grandparents died, for example. It doesn't mean I didn't love them and don't miss them. It's just not really important information, in my opinion. She was his mother, so it's for him to remember her birthday and mark it however he chooses, including mentioning it to you, if he thinks it matters.

He's unreasonable and just looking for a reason to lash out, by the sound of it.

What were you supposed to do? Send her a card?